To ask if I’m autistic?

[Thehonestbadger]

Obviously I know non of us are ‘the professionals’ but getting a diagnosis as an adult is next to impossible, or incredibly expensive. I have a DS who has diagnosed ASD, completely non verbal and very low understanding of the world and that’s how this came to light. It was suggested to me I may also be.

• I don’t struggle entering social situations or new environments (I rather enjoy that and appear to be an extrovert) but I can’t maintain relationships. I’m everyone’s best friend for a few months then it fizzles out. It’s like I know the script to a certain point and then I feel awkward and stop.
• I have extremely intense food habits. I restrict heavily, have ‘safe’ foods and worry about foods I’ve eaten endlessly and can make myself quite unwell over it. I can’t get my head around sudden changes and internally freak out. Today DH went to the butchers and told me he bought burgers for dinner, great. Came to cook them and he’d bought different flavoured ones…literally couldn’t even swallow it just ate flapjack for dinner instead. I’ve been to so many therapists about my food issues and non of them every know what to do with me. I had CBT- didn’t work.
• This is an odd one but I frequently find myself reminding myself to look people in the eye whilst talking to them, or mentally checking off social behaviours as I do them. I’ve always done this. It’s like I correct myself in my head. I’ve always loved acting and drama and a lot of my life feels like I’m acting out a rehearsed roll.
• When I zone out I ZONE OUT I mean you could stand in front of me talking to me and I’d not recall a word. I’m gone.
• I have an intense imagination. I can literally disappear into my imagination. No joke I can like step into a daydream and entertain myself for hours. When the kids go to bed DH will often be like ‘why do you just lie on your bed for like an hour if you’re not going to sleep’ and honestly it’s because I’m living my own story in my head.

I mean, I’ve worked my whole life, social and professional jobs. Have a house, DH and kids. Tbh it’s only the last year I’ve started to really notice how unusual these behaviours actually are.

I think a diagnosis is helpful. You can stop analysing yourself - eg the reasons you have no close friends/ or feel exhausted after being in social situations/ can’t wear certain uncomfortable fabrics/ have food issues.
You can relax and say well this is me and I can stop trying to correct/ change me.

Ive not heard of food issues being a characteristic. The women I know or have met don't appear to have a poor relationship with food.

Many of us have sensory issues with food.

Many of us have sensory issues with food

Do you. Tell me a bit more. I know of children having a limited diet. For instance only eat beige food.

Look up ARFID. Many of us have that or similar issues.

Hello OP :) I wonder if you might find some of the podcasts by various autistic folk on YouTube helpful. I have been listening to quite a lot of them lately as I have been wondering whether I am on the spectrum. When you mentioned how CBT didn't work for you, I recalled a particular episode, maybe it will help explain that for you:

Also I like Orion Kelly, and there are various podcasts by autistic women, who as some others have said experience autism differently to men. Even if you don't pursue a diagnosis, just listening to others with autism speak about their lives can be very enlightening.

Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is a new diagnosis in the DSM-5, and was previously referred to as “Selective Eating Disorder.” ARFID is similar to anorexia in that both disorders involve limitations in the amount and/or types of food consumed, but unlike anorexia, ARFID does not involve any distress about body shape or size, or fears of fatness

Okay SouthCountryGirl thanks - looking it up. Here.

I was diagnosed with autism last year. I've had disordered eating since I was 10 years old, I'm now in my forties. It is anorexia, so not sensory based. I do though have a multitude of other sensory processing issues, that impact my life hugely.
My Ds is also autistic and he has a formal diagnosis of ARFID. So food is definitely an issue.

Appearances can be deceptive. Sensory issues around texture are very common, food not touching, having a special plate... This is why it is important not to base all your knowledge of something based on a small group, especially when it is also just what that person presents to the world. Anorexia is common in teenage years, often followed by overeating in adulthood. https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/anorexias-link-to-autism-explained/

This sounds so much like DH it's startling.

It's a running family joke that he watches the same small list of films over and over again to the point that he knows the scripts word for word. The list hasn't changed for years.

When he gets an interest in something it becomes an obsession that literally consumes every waking moment with extensive research. This includes a long standing obsession with IT and hifi. Maintains the II in his business himself and has researched and installed a fiendishly complicated IT system in our new build house. Everything possible is automated!

Doe's also love to eat the same foods over and over again. Has to be really pushed to try a new restaurant and gets really anxious and fussy about the menu.

His older brother is even worse. Has full on panic attacks if he doesn't eat meals at exactly the same time every day and lives according to a really strict routine. Worked in IT for the same company his entire working life.

I did suggest to DH that he (and his DB) may be on the spectrum. He got really offended and saw it as an insult. Its a pity as having a diagnosis might help him to understand his behaviours and how they affect those around him a bit better.

Just now Orion Kelly has posted a podcast about autism in women and problems with diagnosis.

I get so confused at times as there are traits that very much fit me but others which do really not. Yet it is said you cannot be a 'little bit autistic.'
Reasons why I think I am-
Struggled with friendships since I left uni. Weirdly, no problem at all before that.
Very shy even now at nearly 40.
Single still and always have been.
Look early twenties and get told I seem very young in my ways also.
Sound odd and constantly get told I have an accent.
Very anxious and worry a lot about how I come across or what people think of me.
Like my own company and hate social gatherings.
Despise small talk, it makes me nervous.

But then the other stuff doesn't fit.
Great imagination. I write non fiction and can easily see myself in various situations.
Don't care about changes to my routine. In fact, I enjoy it.
Can easily see two sides to a story and am known as the mediator within my family.
No sensory issues with clothes or only having to eat certain foods.
Can easily understand how others feel and emphasis with that.

Yet people have said you can have those traits and still be autistic so I wonder what it is judged on. It seems to include a lot more variation now which makes it so confusing. Also, it's so similar to social anxiety, it's difficult to distinguish between the two.

Anxious001 - I just want to say that you may potentially have sensory issues and just not realised yet. I don’t have an ASD diagnosis. I do have a child with ASD, which has obviously prompted me to do a lot of reading about Autism. I never would have said that I have sensory issues, but just recently I’ve started to spot that in fact I do have some sensory issues.

You know yourself best so apologies if I seem patronising. I was just struck by your post as I have suspicious that I may be autistic and used to think it was less likely as I felt I didn’t have sensory issues.
Hope that makes sense- I’m typing in a rush on my phone.!

We didn't realise how many sensory issues DS had until last year, so it's not always obvious when you're in the middle of it.

Also when doing since of the questionnaires for myself I might answer no to something, and then when I think about it realise it is something I do but it's so normal to me and I do it so automatically that I don't know I'm doing it.

Interesting about the looking younger than your age thing. I always have looked younger, just thought I had good genes!

I sadly don't look younger than my age. Wish I did!

I'm the other way with food and overeat for too much. I find making g meals regularly too much executive function and just go for what's quick. It feels so frustrating to be super clever on one hand but not able to cook family meals/keep on top of the house.

@Anxious001 I couldn't comment on your particular situation, but I would say one thing. When you've lived with something your whole life, it's your version of normal so it's sometimes very difficult to spot them.

Example - I needed to take the cats to the vets yesterday. So I did. Pretty normal right?

Until I explain that I had already run through every possible scenario I could thing of and mentally gone through/imagined all of the steps to load them into the car etc. Driven the route in my head. Imagined all the various scenarios/conversations I might have with the vet. What they might say to me. What I might say in return etc. Apparently that's not normal 🤷. And then people wonder why I'm stressed/quiet/struggling etc. Because there's nothing outwardly visible and my day isn't remarkable in the slightest.

I wouldn't have ever mentioned that thought process to anyone prior to it being brought to my attention that this wasn't normal. Turns out there are a tonne of things that I do as part of coping mechanisms. Not to mention the sheer volume of things I avoid that I didn't even notice I was avoiding cause I was so good at it and had built a whole life that avoided certain situations etc.

Then I had 2 small children - and all these sensitivities that I'd got so good at avoiding are no longer avoidable and I've almost had a breakdown. The signs were always there of course, but I had much more control over my life and tonnes of free time so I was able to mostly cope.

Yes the whole thinking you do things the same as everyone else so not knowing what you do isn't normal - was exactly what I was trying tk explain earlier when I was talking about the forms and ehat my colleague was trying to explain to me!

You could be.

But it's increasing with the amount of people thinking they're autistic/ADHD just because they have some similar traits.

Everyone goes to the toilet every day but not everyone has Crohns.

My son is autistic - fairly certain I am too, but I genuinely don't see the point of persuing a diagnosis. It changes nothing. You get zero help for a child so you'll certainly get nothing if you're a grown person holding down a job. Yes it can 'help' to know for sure but other than that, it changes nothing.

i have similar- have an autistic child. Also husband has some traits but doesn’t seem to think that he does.

I have friendships and groups of friends but I often feel that they’re not particularly close friendships- like no one really knows the real me. Soemtimes I can feel prett my lonely because of this. I feel like I am acting and I seem to do well at work- until I don’t 😂 (I feel like this might be more of an adhd trait- putting everything into soemthing for a while then I’m done once I sort of know what I’m doing and once I start thinking that people might realise it’s all a bit of an act if that’s makes sense I get bored, check out l, start offering up my opinions etc) .

I’ve often thought about getting diagnosis. Nothings ever really gone badly at work - like my performance has never been pulled up or anything but I can feel overwhelmed and wonder if I could get this taken into account with caseloads or whatever……