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AIBU?

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Original poster

To change out my bridesmaid dress in the evening?

62 replies

Tinkerbellone · 08/04/2023 00:25

I haven't been to a wedding in years. So not sure of wedding dos and don'ts. Wedding in May. I'm 50 and am a bridesmaid for my friend's daughter. Her daughter is absolutely lovely.

The dress is ok. Not very flattering. Neither is the footwear.

Is it very wrong to get changed into a different outfit for the evening do?

I'm happy to stay in the dress but would like to get out of the dress if possible- when I've asked various friends I've had mixed responses from; 'you can't do that!' To 'everyone will be drunk and won't care anyway'

I'm not sure whether to ask the bride & I don't want to ask the bride yet if opinions are overwhelmingly'no'.

In case it matters - the bridesmaids have paid for their own dress, shoes, hair, nails everything. Based on preferences of the bride.

The opinions of you lovely people would be gratefully received!! Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
StarryBarry · 08/04/2023 00:28

are you staying at the evening venue?

as if so I would remain in the bridesmaids dress for the evening party then after an hour or so pop up and change

snitzelvoncrumb · 08/04/2023 00:29

I think you at least need to stay in the bridesmaids dress until after all the official parts are over. If you really want to change once the cake is cut and first dance is over then that’s fine.

AngeloMysterioso · 08/04/2023 00:34

One of mine did after dinner, because she’d put on weight between ordering the dresses and the wedding day, so it was too tight and she wasn’t comfortable. Didn’t bother me.

Anetra · 08/04/2023 00:39

I’d do it but not say in advance that you are and that will avoid any drama leading up to the wedding

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:40

In case it matters - the bridesmaids have paid for their own dress, shoes, hair, nails everything. Based on preferences of the bride.

That's a total pisstake.

On that basis alone, I'd say change whenever you want.

Iwantthepenthouse · 08/04/2023 00:42

I changed the last time I was a bridesmaid. After the meal and cake etc and before the evening so kicked off. Easy as we were all staying in the hotel and I think all the bridesmaids changed.

FiledAwayInABox · 08/04/2023 00:42

Of course you can change! You could accidentally spill something in wit if you need an excuse. I wouldn't ask anyone.

smurfmonkey · 08/04/2023 00:42

I did this, had a not so flattering bridesmaid dress so changed into something a bit more me after the ceremony. I had a bit of a get out of jail card though in that the bride also had an evening dress to change into!

Maybe just check with the bride that she's ok with you changing for the evening but I can't really see why anyone would notice/care after the ceremony.

PippaF2 · 08/04/2023 00:44

Just ask the bride..... Will everyone be staying in their bridesmaid dress for the whole day, or should I bring an evening do outfit?

Her answer - up to you, no, yes - will tell you all you need to know.

Thepossibility · 08/04/2023 03:04

I wouldn't mention it to the bride beforehand as she might get annoyed. Tension is high before the wedding trying to get everything perfect. I'd just change and tell her something on the dress broke/ there was a spill or something. She probably won't even notice later in the evening.

Phoebo · 08/04/2023 03:31

snitzelvoncrumb · 08/04/2023 00:29

I think you at least need to stay in the bridesmaids dress until after all the official parts are over. If you really want to change once the cake is cut and first dance is over then that’s fine.

This, I'd honestly just ask the bride if she minds. Save any grief. I'm sure she won't care

rubydoobydoo · 08/04/2023 03:39

I changed out of my wedding dress at the evening do, I was too hot and wanted to dance!

Do you think the bride would mind? If not then speak to her first. If you think she would I'm with the spilling something option above!

SnackyOnassis · 08/04/2023 05:41

I'd just go with the spilling something on the dress explanation and not say anything before the wedding. If you were to ask and the bride doesn't mind that's fine, but there's a good chance she would mind but
a) wouldn't say anything, or
b) gets annoyed with you about it.
Either way it's introducing an unnecessary element of stress before the wedding. A 'spillage' on the dress once the party kicks off is going to be incidental to her and won't register in the memories of the day.

SNWannabe · 08/04/2023 05:51

I changed as a BM (isn’t being a 50 year old “bridesmaid” a little odd though?) as I was breastfeeding so had a two piece outfit in the bridal scheme colours to change into.

JuniperAndTonic · 08/04/2023 05:56

It’s fine, one of my bridesmaids changed, I think pretty much after the photos as she was breastfeeding and the bridesmaid dress wasn’t that easy to feed in or comfy. I didn’t care at all, I was too busy enjoying my day! Depends on the bride though - so I’d definitely check with her first!

MissingMoominMamma · 08/04/2023 06:02

SNWannabe · 08/04/2023 05:51

I changed as a BM (isn’t being a 50 year old “bridesmaid” a little odd though?) as I was breastfeeding so had a two piece outfit in the bridal scheme colours to change into.

Why? The bridesmaids are people important to the bride. They could be 90 and it wouldn’t be odd.

user6278908823 · 08/04/2023 06:07

my husband’s family who I had as bridesmaids all took their dresses off in the evening without consulting me. I hated that they did that. I felt very disrespected, especially when I was going to withdraw the offer of being a bridesmaid in the first place but was made to feel bad by in-laws…

I still fume over it.

AlexisR · 08/04/2023 06:16

I think it will be fine but it's important to ask/ tell the bride that would be your preference. Just say you love the dress but you find it a little uncomfortable and would feel more relaxed if you could change after the first dance.

I can't see most reasonable people having an issue with it but it might be a bit of a surprise for her if you don't say anything.

MudLady · 08/04/2023 06:23

rubydoobydoo · 08/04/2023 03:39

I changed out of my wedding dress at the evening do, I was too hot and wanted to dance!

Do you think the bride would mind? If not then speak to her first. If you think she would I'm with the spilling something option above!

Me too! I just put a long floaty summer dress on instead.

NeedToChangeName · 08/04/2023 06:39

I think you should stay in the dress all night

Iwantmyoldnameback · 08/04/2023 06:52

I don't think I have ever seen this at any wedding I've been to, certainly not anyone close to me. Definitely ditch the shoes asap though.

NotCopingWell1 · 08/04/2023 07:11

I think you should stay in the dress. You know who the bridal party are from what they wear and it looks lovely in all the photos with the dancing etc. I'd think you cba being a bridesmaid and wanted to avoid being identified and helping with anything by changing.

SkankingWombat · 08/04/2023 07:17

It would be unusual, but I would have been fine with it. I'd let the bride know in advance with a cheesy grin and the explanation of needing your best dancing outfit so you can really tear up the dancefloor. I'd throw in some John Travolta shapes at that point or (a quick Macarena) to emphasise the point and keep it lighthearted.

I can't get over you having to pay for your outfit and hair etc to their specification though - this is monumentally rude on the part of the couple. The person paying gets to dictate what is chosen. If they want a certain look they should pay, otherwise the most they can reasonably request is being in keeping with a colour scheme (and even this is an 'ask', not a 'tell'). You are being told to shell out for an outfit that not only will you never wear again, but are so uncomfortable wearing it won't even get a full wear? They shouldn't be spending other people's money like this.

IfYouDontAsk · 08/04/2023 07:19

Honestly, I would stay in the bridesmaid dress. It’s not the norm for bridesmaids to change and it’s not worth upsetting the bride on her wedding day just because the dress isn’t the most flattering (if it was really uncomfortable that would be a different matter). I think changing out of the dress could come across as a bit of a snub.

Weallgottachangesometime · 08/04/2023 07:22

Unless the bride is massively uptight the. I can’t see what the issue is. I think wait for the main parts to be finished and make sure all the formal photos are all completed.

I wouldn’t even mention it, I’d just get changed. If you feel you need an out you could always say you changed because you spilt something down your dress.