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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be in tears over noisy next door neighbours?

128 replies

TinaTeaspoons · 07/04/2023 18:11

The grandkids in particular are aged about 4 and 7 but screech and scream like toddlers when out in the garden. They are incapable of speaking in normal voices but then one of the aunts is gobby as anything too so the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. This can go on for hours and one of the kids usually ends up hurt which then results in loud crying. The aunts and uncles rile them up and encourage them to yell and scream. It's pretty much every Saturday and Sunday afternoon and all through the holidays. What's worse is that they have installed a hot tub right by our window which I can only imagine will make the situation a million times worse.
DH doesn't want to cause issues and will not say anything and will not let me. I cannot take anymore and think it's going to be a hellish spring and summer. Spent most of today cursing the noise and now in tears.

OP posts:
Maddy128 · 07/04/2023 20:07

I have children. They are loud in the garden. But they do not scream. I can’t stand screaming and I’ve always said screaming isn’t ok because someone might think you’re in trouble. Not “Aaaahh she got me with the hose” normal kid shouting, but those real screams. Not ok. I wonder how these adults would ever know if their children were screaming for help.

sugarspices · 07/04/2023 20:09

This would really bother me, I cannot stand the noise of kids screaming and shrieking for no reason, drives me bonkers. I understand I sound like an utter kill joy but it really is very unpleasant.

It may be that the grandparents are just blind to it because they're so used to it. I'd go round and say something as politely as possible - maybe just that you appreciate they're kids and they'll want to play but it's really impacting on you, would they mind keeping an eye out for it getting too much?

Saniflo · 07/04/2023 20:09

Sounds like normal family noise to me tbh.

TheWonderfulThingAboutTiggers · 07/04/2023 20:13

Saniflo I feel sorry for your neighbours if you think actual screaming is normal family noise. What has happened to mumnset :(

bringincrazyback · 07/04/2023 20:15

Saniflo · 07/04/2023 20:09

Sounds like normal family noise to me tbh.

Glad I don't live next door to you.

Elsanore · 07/04/2023 20:21

Potplant19 · 07/04/2023 18:27

Sounds like our old neighbours before they moved. They had a hot tub and a noisy family, and a general air of being entitled to make as much noise as they wanted. They also had an outdoor sound system but only two CDs, one of pan pipes, one of Tina Turner. It was truly awful. We never said anything and just left on the days it was particularly bad, but summer was horrid as a result. They left about two years after we moved in, and the relief in the whole street was immense!

Sorry I did laugh at Pan pipes and Tina Turner

I don't know why I'm laughing though because they sound exactly like my horrific neighbours. In the end we moved. So glad yours moved out

clairelouwho · 07/04/2023 20:21

Just talk to them. It may be that they’ve become desensitised to the noise and not realise how loud they’re really being. Or how much you can hear from your house.

of course they could easily give you a load of verbal abuse or just trot out the old kids will be kids nonsense but you won’t know until you try.

I don’t get all the posters saying don’t even try to resolve it and just move.

Windingdown · 07/04/2023 20:24

I've been in this situation. I really didn't want to complain and create a bad atmosphere so I made an effort to get to know the neighbours. They were still noisy, but it didn't grate so badly. It kind of gave me peace to know they were good but noisy people and not deliberately messing with my head. I did move eventually, but in the meantime it was tolerable.

Might be worth trying and I hope it works. I do feel your pain. That level of intrusive noise is unkind and intolerable.

LakieLady · 07/04/2023 20:27

YANBU, OP. Persistent excessive noise is really stressful, and once it's started to bother you, it gets more and more intrusive.

My NDN's kids were dreadful screamers and screechers, and it reduced me to tears at times. And I was WFH for a few years, which made it worse, as there was no way I could get away from it a lot of the time. But they grew up, and once they were in their teens they quietened down a lot.

Mind you, one of them brings his own kids round every weekend, and they're almost as bad!

I can only suggest headphones or earplugs, I'm afraid.

MysteryBelle · 07/04/2023 20:36

Oh no, awful. They have to know how loud their grandchildren are being, which they are encouraging in fact.

The elderly like going to bed early so I’d suggest at 9:30 every evening you play the most stimulating operatic aria you can find and crank it up loud.

When they come round to complain, smile and say, when they teach their grandchildren to be a little more polite in their continual noise making, you’ll be happy to turn down the nightly music.

pizzaHeart · 07/04/2023 20:36

It’s really stressful, I would be in tears as well, however I would think twice before going to them, as any dispute you’d have to disclose in case of moving. Do you think it’s your long term home or do you plan to move in near future?

Dontevenstart · 07/04/2023 20:36

Everywhere in the UK should have child free zones and I would pay extra to have use thereof.

Dovet · 07/04/2023 20:38

I have some issues with my neighbours over noise but always have it out with them when it gets excessive. It usually works for a while but I’ve no doubt that we fucking hate each other and never speak or let on when we see each other.

MathsNervous · 07/04/2023 20:40

Easterfunbun · 07/04/2023 19:59

yes my old neighbours caused me sleep deprivation worse than having my babies. I nearly lost my job and we were unable to function as a family. Noise in the day isn’t that disruptive in the grand scheme of things.

I am sorry you have also suffered from selfish individuals too. Noise through the night is the worst it really is.

KeepYouForever · 07/04/2023 20:44

I’d have to hear the noise to know if it was too much for me. But I certainly wouldn’t be told that I wasn’t allowed to speak to them about it. Fuck that.

Maple2023 · 07/04/2023 20:45

I have the same but it's every bloody day
They are out there screaming and shrieking until 8pm so I can't use my garden unless I wear ear plugs which I don't like doing
Summer is awful as I need to keep my windows closed to drown out the screaming

It's not normal playing noise, it's the kind of screaming that would have had your parents bollocking you and dragging you inside
Playing, chatting, laughing is normal, constant screaming in a pool or on a trampoline in a small garden with closely packed houses is antisocial

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 07/04/2023 20:47

I would be a twat and phone the police on non-emergency saying you can hear the kids screaming and maybe they should check on them…

TheWonderfulThingAboutTiggers · 07/04/2023 20:49

We've often thought we should have gone round every day when its started to "see if everyone was okay because we heard screaming."

girlfriend44 · 07/04/2023 20:50

sugarspices · 07/04/2023 20:09

This would really bother me, I cannot stand the noise of kids screaming and shrieking for no reason, drives me bonkers. I understand I sound like an utter kill joy but it really is very unpleasant.

It may be that the grandparents are just blind to it because they're so used to it. I'd go round and say something as politely as possible - maybe just that you appreciate they're kids and they'll want to play but it's really impacting on you, would they mind keeping an eye out for it getting too much?

Poor advice. It won't end well
People don't like being told.

Then the op will end up.in a worse position than before.

Suck it up and put up with it. Only sounds like a family living their life.
We can't all.plrase everyone all the time. There are loads of people living amongst neighbours with far worse problems than this.

colasoca · 07/04/2023 20:57

Can you move?
If not, work out how long until the kids are older and won't want to be around shrieking?
I know you say one rule for them but that doesn't have to be the case - don't be cowed and feel at ease to make noise as and when you please given they are so inconsiderate

Redebs · 07/04/2023 21:07

I'm so sorry for you, OP. That kind of noise is horrible. It's disrespectful and feels aggressive in a way. The mentality of people who knowingly force everyone around them to hear their racket is really odd.

I've had awful, noisy neighbours in the past and it took a toll on my mental health.

It's about time we as a society made this kind of behaviour socially unacceptable, like dropping litter or getting drunk in the street. It should be on the school curriculum and on old-fashioned 'public information films'. If parents don't socialise their children well enough to make them tolerable neighbours, they need to be told that it's not ok.

Brefugee · 07/04/2023 21:10

It isn't normal kid noise, and it can really affect your mental health.
But. There isn't really a solution. So you need to move.
In the meantime i can recommend Rammstein.

Sasha07 · 07/04/2023 21:14

Totally understand. It's relentless and has you on edge constantly, the noise is just so intrusive. They have a little girl screamer too. Constantly. Not once has any parent ever told the kids to have some respect for the neighbours. Mainly because they're always screaming at the kids.

They annoy all the neighbours but for the sake of peace, we all just vent to eachother. Guaranteed if anyone spoke to them, they'd dig their heels in and make it worse. It's all the nice days, from morning til come midnight half the time. It's some dreary days when the hot tub parties kick in. It's just... So bloody invasive. Even with windows shut. They're on the backs and we can hear them at the front of the house. I don't know how people can think that's an ok way to be. They're not even our direct ndn either, but their ndn absolutely hate them. They can hear them through the walls, the parents arguing, the father being sick after drinking too much and telling the (4?!) Y/o to 'fuck off and get to bed!'... Absolutely grim.

Confusion101 · 07/04/2023 21:36

Minus that hot tub part, I could've written this post myself. The shrieking drives me insane. It's constant. Like I understand general noise from children playing but I don't understand what game they are playing to warrant CONSTANT high pitched shrieking at the top of their lungs. And it starts so early on a Sunday morning! 😩 I can't use noise cancelling headphones or earplugs because we have a baby so I need to be able to hear her.

Anyway I've no advice, just that I totally think you are being reasonable to be annoyed, but I'm not sure what can be done. I haven't complained yet and not sure I will in the future. I've just read if you did the same they'd be straight around so in the case maybe have a word. It doesn't have to be a complaint as such but maybe a chat to let them know?

TheWonderfulThingAboutTiggers · 07/04/2023 22:14

I really thought I was unusual having neighbours that Screamed. It's so hard explaining it to someone whose never experienced it how should destroying it is. Sort of great to share the experience with others but also sad there's so many screamers out there!

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