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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have wanted to rip the earphones off a mothers head this morning !

114 replies

utahforever · 14/02/2008 12:07

Now, i normally try to restrain from judging other peoples parenting ability, but.....

she had a baby in a pushchair, earphones on and a young child (3ish) meandering along with her - including crossing a main road. Poor kid was carrying/dragging some shopping with him, 'cos the back of the pushchair was full.

I felt so sorry for him The music was loud enough that other shoppers passing her noticed, and she didn't once talk or make eye contact with the little lad whilst i was watching (about 5mins).

I was walking behind them across town, not stalking

I just hope that they have more interaction at home.

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 14/02/2008 12:09

Poor little boy and how dangerous of the mother to cross the main road like that with the headphones on too!

SheikYerbouti · 14/02/2008 12:09

YANBU

RosaLuxOnTheBrightSideOfLife · 14/02/2008 12:10

There was a mum like this when DD1 was in Reception. Her boy was a lovely, funny little fellow but very badly behaved and the most complete attention seeker I ever met - I couldn't help feeling it was a direct consquence of being completely ignored by his mother, who never seemed to take her headphones off to speak to him.

beansprout · 14/02/2008 12:10

Maybe she was having a bad day and those 5 mins of listening to her favourite song really helped?

How about assuming that people are doing their best rather than judging them?

AngharadGoldenhand · 14/02/2008 12:11

Maybe that's the only thing she does for herself all day?

Reallytired · 14/02/2008 12:13

I see nothing wrong with making a three year old walk. Infact I think children should stop using a push chair as soon as they are physically able to walk.

As far as the head phones, I would be concerned that she must be damaging her hearing. But is hardly the worst parenting crime. Listening to music is an effective way of blocking out a temper tantrum and if it helps her I have no objection to her using headphones at a sensible volume.

cadelaide · 14/02/2008 12:14

I've definitely been here too long, I remember an op exactly like this some time ago.
Responses were pretty much the same too

RosaLuxOnTheBrightSideOfLife · 14/02/2008 12:15

Beansprout - judging is more fun
Judge Rosa the Righteous

SheherazadetheGoat · 14/02/2008 12:15

i remember that too celalaide! [runs off ot get a life]

ZippiBabes · 14/02/2008 12:16

little kids always look like they are dragging the shopping because they have little short arms and legs but they still love carrying it lol

no doubt she takes her earphones off occasionally

colditz · 14/02/2008 12:16

You did not see what was happening 5 minutes ago.

Make a donation to childline, and beak out.

ZippiBabes · 14/02/2008 12:17

i never take mine off but then i am weird

SheikYerbouti · 14/02/2008 12:17

There's a time and a place to listen to music, not when out walking with a 3 yo, IMHO

VinegarTitsOut · 14/02/2008 12:17

This type of judgemental thread pisses me off. You dont know her or her situation.

AitchTwoOh · 14/02/2008 12:18

lol cadelaide, me too. so

yabu she was doinig her best
yanbu she is a terrible mum
yabu she might have been a big cousin or auntie
etc etc etc

OrmIrian · 14/02/2008 12:18

I'e just got an MP3 player and I tend to walk around with it jammed in my ears from time to time. I think it will pass as my love affair with it fades. But I will confess to sometimes using them as a shortterm barrier between my ears and my DCs. "What was that? Sorry can't hear you!" Unless there is evidence that she listened all day every day and never spoke to her children I would say that it was better that she had a few minutes downtime, than than going into meltdown with the sheer frustration of dealing with 2 small children all day long.

lljkk · 14/02/2008 12:19

Should be out of the pushchair as soon as they can walk? Really, reallytired? So I should have stayed at home or used the car for nearly all journeys as soon as my children were 10 months old, then, should I?

SheikYerbouti · 14/02/2008 12:20

I listen to my ipod at home sometimes when my house is Tantrumsville, but I wouldn;t when out walking with the boys.

SheikYerbouti · 14/02/2008 12:22

As for the mother making her 3yo carru shopping, well, I MAKE DS1 (3.2) take his toy buggy to the shops so he can push the potatoes home in iot

VictorianSqualor · 14/02/2008 12:22

The 3yr old could be a little bleeder for all we know and that is her way of 'time-out'ing him whilst walking.

The only issue I'd have would be with safety, I've tried listening to my MP3 player whilst doing walks with DS, but I get paranoid I can't hear the traffic.

belgo · 14/02/2008 12:23

Sheikyerbouti, what a fantastic idea!

SheikYerbouti · 14/02/2008 12:24

That's my point VS

lucyellensmum · 14/02/2008 12:31

can you not read between the lines here girls?

I'm reading "young mother, ear phones in ear (my DD incedentally is surgically attached to her MP3 player but only tends to have one ear plugged in), pushchair overflowing with food from supermarket, she probably can't afford a car to go to the out of town superstore to park in the convenient mother and child parking. Poor three year old child dragging shopping, most likely proud as punch cos he is helping, i bet she had hoop earings and was listening to gangsta rap"

This is a judge on this poor woman as a whole IMO. You know nothing about her situation, she might be a single parent, struggling with two children, etc etc, she might just be an ordinary mum who wants to listen to some music.

So you see, it would be different if the OP read like this:-

"30 something, boden-clad earth mother, with two young children, encouraging her 3yo son to help carry home the carefully sourced organic produced from local grocers and delicatessants, keeping her brain active by listening to classical music on her MP3 player" We would have been falling over ourselves with admiration for this "right on" wonderful mother who is retaining some of her "self" by listening to her MP3 player whilst on the way home to log on to mumsnet whilst her children entertain themselves with thier carefully chosen W'nacky heuristic bullshit box!!!

See what i mean ?

Desiderata · 14/02/2008 12:31

Yes, I think the comment about the pushchair was obviously made by a serial car driver.

Those of us who rely on Shank's pony and a mile walk to the shops, would rather keep our trusty steeds for a while longer

Walking toddlers for any distance, when time is an issue, is a bit like walking a dog that has to sniff every fecking bush along the way!

VictorianSqualor · 14/02/2008 12:35

The point about one ear plugged in is good actually LEM, (am not ignoring the rest thoguh!!), it would make her music sound much louder if one earphone was dangling by her side so she could hear her DS, which could be why other people noticed it, so she may have actually been listening to her music and the traffic.