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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have wanted to rip the earphones off a mothers head this morning !

114 replies

utahforever · 14/02/2008 12:07

Now, i normally try to restrain from judging other peoples parenting ability, but.....

she had a baby in a pushchair, earphones on and a young child (3ish) meandering along with her - including crossing a main road. Poor kid was carrying/dragging some shopping with him, 'cos the back of the pushchair was full.

I felt so sorry for him The music was loud enough that other shoppers passing her noticed, and she didn't once talk or make eye contact with the little lad whilst i was watching (about 5mins).

I was walking behind them across town, not stalking

I just hope that they have more interaction at home.

OP posts:
Tortington · 14/02/2008 13:11

am i the onl mother wh likes to block her kids out - occasionally?

hardly a big to do - just a small amount of 'sanity time'

Limara · 14/02/2008 13:11

Oh please, I just think it's really strange.

Lets be honest, EVERYBODY judges.

VinegarTitsOut · 14/02/2008 13:12

Limara the op only watched her for 5 mins, she may have listened to one song then switched off once the op was out of sight.

misdee · 14/02/2008 13:13

custym, i have blocked mine out so well they have cleared off to grandmas

Limara · 14/02/2008 13:14

Custy, I am so not the perfect mother, I like to block my kids out and do so on mumsnet

I wouldn't of acted like this mum because I'd want to be 'on the ball' with my kids/surroundings and because of peoples opinions of how it looked.

I have to say it one more time-it's weird

VinegarTitsOut · 14/02/2008 13:15

I dont just block dc out when i want me time, i block everybody around me and i dont need headphones. My work colleges throw things at me when im like this.

FAQ · 14/02/2008 13:15

oh god I dread to think what you'd think when I'm out and about with DS2 (4)..........he regularly wanders along behind me, often carrying a bag (usually too heavy for him - but he'll have insisted he wanted to do it), and us not really chatting - he'll be in his own little word - but he's happy.

VinegarTitsOut · 14/02/2008 13:17

Yes you think its weird, each to their own, so to speak. The op was being judgy though.

Limara · 14/02/2008 13:18

FAQ what your giving an example of is normal. Intentionally not listening is different.

Limara · 14/02/2008 13:19

OP and me being judgy, that's more like it.

Original poster
utahforever · 14/02/2008 13:20

Thanks for your replys.

I was not saying she was a bad mother just because she had headphones in and was letting her son walk.

I found it odd and neglectful that she paid no attention to him whilst crossing a MAIN road. She did not even look to make sure he had crossed before entering a store.

Now, if you all think i'm judgey fine - but that to me was crap parenting at that moment in time.

OP posts:
VinegarTitsOut · 14/02/2008 13:20

if the cap fits

VinegarTitsOut · 14/02/2008 13:21

maybe she had eyes in the back of her head

Limara · 14/02/2008 13:22

Here-here utar!

Bout time someone said it, crap parenting.

misdee · 14/02/2008 13:22

maybe she did check but you didnt see. i often know my kids are there beside me without looking. i dont know if they are standing directly behind being silent so i step back and fall over them. monkeys.

allgonebellyup · 14/02/2008 13:23

oh God, lets all slag off other mothers and make them look crappy and selfish.
FFS i wear headphones quite a lot and i also make my ds walk all the time.
Judge me.

Why are you so bored as to be watching her every action and then come and report it all on here????
Mind your own business in future. She was doing nothing wrong, and even if she was, its got F all to do with us.

colditz · 14/02/2008 13:23

Limara, not everyone judges with such obvious relish. I take it this was your thread?

I will rise to the bait anyway , because it's half term here and I am missing adult company.

Just because she has not chosen to parent the same way as you does not make her a bad parent. In many ways she may be a better parent (and I bet you aren't keen on that idea one little bit!) Maybe her 3 year old won't ever be the most articulate and chatty child in his class, but

1 - He will be fit
2 - he will be adept at getting someone's attention even if they are busy
3 - he will have a firm sense of contributing to the family to which he belongs
4 - he won't be a spoilt whiner

Too many children are raised in a bubble. They never get taken shopping because children don't like shopping. They never get made to carry something, to make themselves useful, because they 'don't want to'. They are cosseted and coddled and smoothed over until all of a sudden they are 18, out on their own, and utterly clueless.

I have met 20 year old men with no idea of the price of a loaf of bread. It's disgusting! And her child won't be one of them.

VinegarTitsOut · 14/02/2008 13:26

So was it bad parenting that she wore head phones or that she didnt look at him crossing the road? you said you wanted to rip her headphones of and the music was so loud other noticed. Which to me implies your saying her bad parenting was down to her wearing the headphones.

In that case i'd say it had nothing to do with the headphones, the fact she didnt even look was bad parenting.

allgonebellyup · 14/02/2008 13:27

Go Colditz!!!

VictorianSqualor · 14/02/2008 13:27

Oh shhhh, I'm sure you were the epitomy of perfect parenting whilst taking so much notice of someone elses kid. Here have this.

Lulumama · 14/02/2008 13:28

"Now, if you all think i'm judgey fine - but that to me was crap parenting at that moment in time."

at that moment in time.... so what ???

maybe 5 minutes music helps her be a better parent the rest of the time....

Limara · 14/02/2008 13:29

Colditz, no it wasn't my thread.

Your examples are great and worthy but come on, she's out shopping with her kids, how do they feel about mummy not listening to them?

Don't you think it's a bit strange?

Humans communicate.

I ignore my kids at home, stick them in front of the telly, set kids up with arty things at the table whatever.

Navigating small kids accross a busy road?

VinegarTitsOut · 14/02/2008 13:30

Was the child trying to get the mothers attention then limara? and she ignored him? thats not how i read the op.

Woollymummy · 14/02/2008 13:31

she was being a crap parent if she didn't look at him while she crossed the road with him. she should hold his hand if it is a busy road, and definitely walk behind him or next to him. If she couldn't see him or wasn't looking, she should have sorted that out. As far as headphones, I wouldn't do it but that's cos I can't get them to stay in my earholes, and plus I actually like chatting to my DD. maybe she has a grumpy kid who doesn't like to chat, maybe she is grumpy who knows. But that isn't the same as being a bad parent. she was obviously being a good parent by getting her kid to help carry the shopping and for not driving to the shops. on balance, not bad parent, but a bit stupid about road safety.

hecate · 14/02/2008 13:32

Maybe if we all judged a little more and excused a little less, standards would raise and we'd all be better off.......

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