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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said this in response to new age friend.

103 replies

tulipb · 07/04/2023 13:15

Happy Good Friday everyone.

I need opinion as I've had a few mixed opinions from my real life friends.

I've recently became friends with the new partner of one of my neighbours.

Everything was going well until I told her I had just came home from getting my dc4 immunisations (8 weeks)
She gasped in horror and said she couldn't believe I would inject poisons in my baby and none of her children have had the immunisations as it's "poison" and now she thinks different of me as the "universe" created our children perfect without "man made" chemicals injected into them!

(She is very new age in belief and I follow Christianity)
*
I was quite taken aback. *

I just replied "how can you think the immunisations are poison and full of chemicals and cause blah blah blah but you're quite happy with man made formula milk" she responded saying I'm being ridiculous and walked off.

(Let me just say, I have no issue with formula milk. I just wanted to use it as an example because it is man made"

But my friends have told me I'm out of order for using what she feeds her baby as an example.
Why shouldn't I be able to defend myself when she's personally attacked my decision to give my children immunisations?

I'm not in the wrong am I?

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 07/04/2023 15:28

So someone you hardly know said all this to you? And you said all that to her? OK,then!!

CurlewKate · 07/04/2023 15:29

Also-it strikes me as pretty unlikely that a Christian would say Happy Good Friday!🤣

GOW56 · 07/04/2023 15:32

No you are not wrong. Her argument about nature making babies perfect and not wanting to put anything man made into their bodies is ridiculous.
I don't think there was anything at all wrong with your statement.

Eann · 07/04/2023 15:35

ImAvingOops · 07/04/2023 13:22

People who can't take criticism shouldn't dish it out! She was quite happy to offend you and judge your parenting choices, so she deserves to get some comeback (even if you don't really believe what you said in retaliation).

This. You did her a favour. I do understand that “there’s no point arguing with idiots” but I also believe that the more idiots spout their nonsense around the world unchallenged, the more aggressively idiotic they become. Look at the content of the internet 👀

OP you did the world a favour - maybe she’ll think twice next time before she accuses someone of poisoning their child.

ACTUALREALFEMINIST · 07/04/2023 15:49

cushioncovers · 07/04/2023 13:19

So her kids have had no vaccines at all? Wow she's crackers, she'd best start looking for an iron lung for her kids then in case they get polio

She'll be able to rely on the herd immunity of everyone else who HAS had their kids immunised. Up until a critical mass of people choose not to immunise, at which point we will see more upsurges in diseases like measles, etc.

Myneighbourskia · 07/04/2023 15:50

Your point was fine. I bottle fed and was delighted to have any medical help with my daughter including vaccines. She sounds like a loon. How does she think we've nearly eradicated many illnesses? Idiot.

Viviennemary · 07/04/2023 15:51

She had a go at you. Then you had a go at her. Evens.

OldFan · 07/04/2023 15:53

I would avoid her in future @tulipb . But then I find people into pseudoscience really annoying.

OldFan · 07/04/2023 15:53

Hopefully your neighbour will dump her soon.

Firecarrier · 07/04/2023 15:54

tulipb · 07/04/2023 13:15

Happy Good Friday everyone.

I need opinion as I've had a few mixed opinions from my real life friends.

I've recently became friends with the new partner of one of my neighbours.

Everything was going well until I told her I had just came home from getting my dc4 immunisations (8 weeks)
She gasped in horror and said she couldn't believe I would inject poisons in my baby and none of her children have had the immunisations as it's "poison" and now she thinks different of me as the "universe" created our children perfect without "man made" chemicals injected into them!

(She is very new age in belief and I follow Christianity)
*
I was quite taken aback. *

I just replied "how can you think the immunisations are poison and full of chemicals and cause blah blah blah but you're quite happy with man made formula milk" she responded saying I'm being ridiculous and walked off.

(Let me just say, I have no issue with formula milk. I just wanted to use it as an example because it is man made"

But my friends have told me I'm out of order for using what she feeds her baby as an example.
Why shouldn't I be able to defend myself when she's personally attacked my decision to give my children immunisations?

I'm not in the wrong am I?

Do you follow 'christianity' or Jesus.

Not sure why you need to be made to feel better by randoms, you clearly think you're right anyway.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 07/04/2023 15:55

7Worfs · 07/04/2023 13:22

Lol, you essentially called her a fair-weather hippie and she didn’t like it Grin

This in spades

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/04/2023 15:57

I think you both were BU in a way - what you do with your children's health is not her business, the nature of her beliefs is up to her but it's the interference and criticism that was rude. The same applies to what you said, and you've said plenty more about her on here to boot. It's obvious you both think the other is a bit of a dick, just spend time with people that this isn't the case of.

I'd have thought it would have been easier to just politely say that you weren't inviting opinions on it and change the subject.

KimberleyClark · 07/04/2023 15:57

So this idiot person would refuse any medical treatment for her child such as antibiotics, etc?

YouOKHun · 07/04/2023 15:59

It’s entirely appropriate to defend yourself against an uninvited criticism of your parental choices by pointing out her parental choices are hypocritical. What on earth do people expect if they say these things? I’m quite surprised how many people think this is about having a go at people who use formula. Your friends have missed the point too haven’t they?

She’s probably upset because she normally shares her views with others who will affirm her or say nothing, but this time she’s had some push back that is also inconveniently logical and difficult to dispute. She can duck this difficulty by getting all upset about your “attack” and galvanising others by being the injured party.

According to your friends what would have been a fair defence on your part (if mentioning formula is off the table?!).

ACTUALREALFEMINIST · 07/04/2023 16:00

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/04/2023 15:57

I think you both were BU in a way - what you do with your children's health is not her business, the nature of her beliefs is up to her but it's the interference and criticism that was rude. The same applies to what you said, and you've said plenty more about her on here to boot. It's obvious you both think the other is a bit of a dick, just spend time with people that this isn't the case of.

I'd have thought it would have been easier to just politely say that you weren't inviting opinions on it and change the subject.

Yes, very sensible.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 07/04/2023 16:29

She didn't do a very good job of converting you to her way of thinking, did she? I'm a Christian and pretty well all of my closest friends aren't. One vehemently disagrees with religion. We manage to get along without calling each other idiots/exclaiming in horror at each other's beliefs. YANBU and she's got a lot to learn if she wants to keep the peace.

LakeTiticaca · 07/04/2023 16:36

At least she's shown her true colours early on so you have no need to endure any more of her shit 😆😁

DrGregHouseFan · 07/04/2023 16:41

Oh god one of my brothers & his fiancé are one of those tin foil hat immunisation freaks.

Stay away from her. She’ll only drag you down to her level whilst always thinking her child is the main character.

I have no problem whatsoever with parents who choose not to immunise their children but don’t judge us who do.

BadSkiingMum · 07/04/2023 17:09

I met a mum in a very lentil-weaving neighbourhood of inner London, who proudly informed me that her daughter (then aged about 9) had never had vaccines or even been to see a GP!

The mum worked as a TA, so quite a lot of opportunity to both spread and pick up illness.

To be fair, she was a very likeable woman with strong values, but a complete blind-spot in this area.

CurlewKate · 07/04/2023 17:16

Why are you wishing people a Happy Good Friday?

DemonSpawn · 07/04/2023 17:18

OP you were absolutely in the right, this woman should know her boundaries.
She deserved worse than you gave her.

IrishGothic · 07/04/2023 17:22

I don't think your religion is at all relevant, Jesus not having had a lot to say about vaccines.

Having said that, she's clearly almost aggressively deluded, and I'm puzzled that you say you 'became friends' with her without previously discovering this -- surely this remark didn't come out of the blue? . Just drop this one, unless you actually like spending time with stupid.

shivawn · 07/04/2023 17:23

I don't have a problem with formula, I used it from 6 months with my son but I see your logic and think it was a pretty good comeback.

FullBloom · 07/04/2023 17:23

Well, she’s wrong about vaccines but I’m not sure your response was a helpful one. No need to react as if you’re in a slanging match - what she feeds her baby is irrelevant to whether she’s right about vaccines (she isn’t). Either debate the pros and cons of vaccines or avoid the subject- trading insults will just make her feel more justified in what she said to you.

Thehop · 07/04/2023 17:38

Bloody well said you