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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said this in response to new age friend.

103 replies

tulipb · 07/04/2023 13:15

Happy Good Friday everyone.

I need opinion as I've had a few mixed opinions from my real life friends.

I've recently became friends with the new partner of one of my neighbours.

Everything was going well until I told her I had just came home from getting my dc4 immunisations (8 weeks)
She gasped in horror and said she couldn't believe I would inject poisons in my baby and none of her children have had the immunisations as it's "poison" and now she thinks different of me as the "universe" created our children perfect without "man made" chemicals injected into them!

(She is very new age in belief and I follow Christianity)
*
I was quite taken aback. *

I just replied "how can you think the immunisations are poison and full of chemicals and cause blah blah blah but you're quite happy with man made formula milk" she responded saying I'm being ridiculous and walked off.

(Let me just say, I have no issue with formula milk. I just wanted to use it as an example because it is man made"

But my friends have told me I'm out of order for using what she feeds her baby as an example.
Why shouldn't I be able to defend myself when she's personally attacked my decision to give my children immunisations?

I'm not in the wrong am I?

OP posts:
JudgeRinderonTinder · 07/04/2023 14:54

Oh, these thickos give me the rage 🤣 best thing to do is stay away from her, OP.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 07/04/2023 14:55

Stand by what you said. Own it. I am not offended by what you said and I FF my DD but she’s also been vax’d.

This person brought up the awfulness of vaccines so you showed her what other terrible things humans can make.

She sounds more than a bit thick and lacking in the critical thinking department. You won’t change her mind so in future avoid like the plague!

Original poster
tulipb · 07/04/2023 14:59

Motheranddaughter · 07/04/2023 14:51

I don’t think you should have said that
breastfeeding didn’t work for me and I would have been very upset if someone had said that to me
She is still batshit,although maybe something in the past has affected her

But exactly, formula was created so our babies could thrive when breastfeeding wasn't possible.

This woman chose not to breastfeed because it felt too invasive and sexual. So not mrs Mother Earth she claims to be!

OP posts:
Nottodayicant · 07/04/2023 15:00

This person brought up the awfulness of vaccines so you showed her what other terrible things humans can make

Are you for real? Formula?

You were both in the wrong OP. She had absolutely no right to judge or comment on your choice as a mother to immunize your child. I would have been really pissed off had she said this to me.

You has not right either to judge or comment on what she feeds her child. I couldn't breastfeed and this would have broken me as I flet guilty enough already.

2 wrongs do not make a right/

LolaSmiles · 07/04/2023 15:02

I think it's a fair comment and she's annoyed that you've highlighted the hypocrisy of her own position.

You haven't been negative about formula feeding. You're pointing out that someone with a tin foil hat about man made vaccines is willing to give their child equally manmade formula so their 'but natural...' argument is full of holes.

Quite a lot of new age types are very selective about what counts as natural(therefore good) and man-made (therefore bad), and it usually boils down to their choices equal good, and other choices equal bad.

There comes a time where you need to say it's best to decide to have fewer friends of better quality than making small talk with people who criticise your parenting though.

IWineAndDontDine · 07/04/2023 15:04

Honestly, I had the vaccines/autism debate with someone a couple of weeks ago. Couldn't believe I'd met someone in real life with that view. I thought they only existed on the internet

IWineAndDontDine · 07/04/2023 15:05

Nottodayicant · 07/04/2023 15:00

This person brought up the awfulness of vaccines so you showed her what other terrible things humans can make

Are you for real? Formula?

You were both in the wrong OP. She had absolutely no right to judge or comment on your choice as a mother to immunize your child. I would have been really pissed off had she said this to me.

You has not right either to judge or comment on what she feeds her child. I couldn't breastfeed and this would have broken me as I flet guilty enough already.

2 wrongs do not make a right/

But OP wasn't saying its wrong. Just that it's man-made, which was her argument for not wanting to immunise her children.

JassyRadlett · 07/04/2023 15:07

Albiboba · 07/04/2023 13:20

I'm not in the wrong am I?

You are also in the wrong.

There’s no need to lash out and imply there’s something wrong with a perfectly healthy and life saving thing (formula) just because she implied there was something wrong with another perfectly healthy life saving thing (vaccines).

Was OP criticising formula, though? I read it as her pointing out the enormous logical inconsistency in her 'friend's' argument.

NatashaDancing · 07/04/2023 15:07

thegrain · 07/04/2023 13:18

Tbh I think what you said was utterly pointless and only going to inflame the situation. You should have just walked off. There's no reasoning with stupid.

Yes , pointless and of all the examples you could have picked to show up her hypocrisy you picked that one. Well done.

TulipCat · 07/04/2023 15:07

Loads of anti vaxxers are massive hypocrites with selective understanding. Good on you for calling her out.

AnnaMagnani · 07/04/2023 15:08

The only thing you did wrong was responding with a sentence rather than 'Uhuh' while internally deciding never to speak to the batshit lady again.

I remember the lecture at med school about the family with no vaccines whose child got tetanus. Family couldn't get vaccinated quick enough when they realised that tetanus = extremely sick child in ITU.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 07/04/2023 15:08

I chose to FF and wouldn’t have been offended by the OP as she used a sensible like for like argument.

drpet49 · 07/04/2023 15:09

Whattt44 · 07/04/2023 13:20

Distance yourself from her , she'll criticise everything you do.

This. I couldn’t be friends with someone so thick as to not vaccinate their kids.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/04/2023 15:09

Motheranddaughter · 07/04/2023 14:51

I don’t think you should have said that
breastfeeding didn’t work for me and I would have been very upset if someone had said that to me
She is still batshit,although maybe something in the past has affected her

Well, obviously they didn't, & I'm going to assume that's because you didn't choose to attack them about vaccinations or any other parenting choices.

OP used an entirely relevant example to highlight New Age Twat's hypocrisy.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/04/2023 15:13

Nottodayicant · 07/04/2023 15:00

This person brought up the awfulness of vaccines so you showed her what other terrible things humans can make

Are you for real? Formula?

You were both in the wrong OP. She had absolutely no right to judge or comment on your choice as a mother to immunize your child. I would have been really pissed off had she said this to me.

You has not right either to judge or comment on what she feeds her child. I couldn't breastfeed and this would have broken me as I flet guilty enough already.

2 wrongs do not make a right/

OP had every right to judge & comment, having been judged & commented on herself.

I doubt she, or anybody reasonable, would comment on your necessity to use formula, as I imagine you, like any reasonable person, would not attack OP for vaccinating her child.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/04/2023 15:15

NatashaDancing · 07/04/2023 15:07

Yes , pointless and of all the examples you could have picked to show up her hypocrisy you picked that one. Well done.

Show quote history

Totally on point, & an excellent example.

The point being - formula, like vaccines, is man made, & New Age Twat boasted of shunning vaccines because they are man made.

LolaSmiles · 07/04/2023 15:16

Was OP criticising formula, though? I read it as her pointing out the enormous logical inconsistency in her 'friend's' argument.
She wasn't criticising formula. I read it the same as you.

But people will see/hear formula feeding and get their hackles up ready to find a way that it's a judgement on their parenting choices.

In reality the OP was just pointing out that someone full of anti-vax manmade woowoo nonsense was also giving their child man made formula.

Advicerequest · 07/04/2023 15:17

It would have been wiser to give a different example. I'd have pointed out that she is able to be on her high horse because people like you immunise their children and reduce the risk of children like hers carrying disease. I'd have little truck with this anyway as my work takes me into areas where skepticism about vaccines has led to rises in preventable and dangerous disease among children. (I particularly find middle class hippie mums annoying when they don't immunise Leaf out of some new wave bollocks - but live in poor inner city areas and risk having their child catch a disease and the. giving it to kids in immigrant or disadvantaged households where information about vaccines may be less well understood).

aeon418 · 07/04/2023 15:18

I think it is telling that you interchanged the words new-ager and anti-vaxer.

And what does you being a Christian have to do with any of it? There are Christain new-agers and Christian anti-vaxer.

I wouldn’t want either of you as a friend what does that make me?

Oh wait, I don’t care.

Mumofnarnia · 07/04/2023 15:19

Motheranddaughter · 07/04/2023 14:51

I don’t think you should have said that
breastfeeding didn’t work for me and I would have been very upset if someone had said that to me
She is still batshit,although maybe something in the past has affected her

As a pp has said though, she shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t take it in return. The comments of op’s new friends is quite hurtful but in a different way, not so much in her comment but her overall attitude.

herlightmaterials · 07/04/2023 15:20

If she doesn't bb at all but you do, I can see why it was quite a hurtful thing for you to respond with. Obviously she is as mad as a box of frogs but your response was very personal.

notacooldad · 07/04/2023 15:20

she responded saying I'm being ridiculous and walked off.

This is what you should have done
This is exactly right.

Spareincoming · 07/04/2023 15:22

Surround yourself with people who align to your thinking and morals.
Because, as my dear old Dad would have said, the problem with disagreeing, bickering or arguing with an idiot is that they drag you down to their level and beat you with their years of experience.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 07/04/2023 15:22

You're definitely not in the wrong,
My usual reply to some comments like this is
" We can't all think the same, as life would be boring"
I wouldn't have mentioned the formula comment tbh

Fraaahnces · 07/04/2023 15:27

She should take her stupid, misinformed, unsolicited opinions, mix them with patchouli oil and locked in a very confined space without access to deodorant until she admits that a) she is wrong believing every meme she reads on Facebook and b) wafting a sharp alum crystal under your hairy pits every day DOESN’T actually work and she pongs.