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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bf doesn't compromise

83 replies

unk101 · 06/04/2023 07:51

Booked a date night away with partner and had planned to do cocktail bars, then do a rock/emo to end the night, but now he's saying he won't be going as he won't enjoy it and will ruin his night, where I have said we can do things he likes beforehand, then do the one thing I want to do at night, he doesn't think he is being unreasonable as he wants to enjoy his night but doesn't care if I don't enjoy my night as long as he gets to do things he likes?
And said I ain't to dress like a "goth" as he won't find it attractive.
I'm obviously annoyed as I had compromised to make the night good for both of us but he doesn't see what the issue is?

OP posts:
Yellowrosesmakemehappy · 06/04/2023 20:50

Back in the day (circa 2002) no self respecting rock/emo fan in my day would have taken this shit from a guy let alone be attracted to a guy that talks like this.

Sennelier1 · 06/04/2023 20:53

Can't you find enough activities you bóth like to fill óne datenight?

aSofaNearYou · 06/04/2023 20:55

Sennelier1 · 06/04/2023 20:53

Can't you find enough activities you bóth like to fill óne datenight?

It's not just a date night, it's her birthday date night.

SpareHeirOverThere · 06/04/2023 20:55

One of those threads you read and think, God I hope this is a wind-up.

This isn't a tough call, OP. Dump him.

rwalker · 06/04/2023 20:58

When it comes to compromise there are things that you can tolerate and things that you can’t

I wouldn’t go to that concert it would be my idea of hell

Serenitymummy · 06/04/2023 21:00

Run

literalviolence · 06/04/2023 21:10

To be honest, there are some things I'd not do with my OH, birthday weekend or not - e.g. go to a football match. I hate sport. It's boring and tedious. There are some things I like to do which my OH doesn't. We do the things we both enjoy together and the things only one of us enjoys separately. But telling you want to wear? Yeah that's very much a reason to LTB.

GreatGardenstuff · 06/04/2023 23:15

Nope, he’s not the one for you. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, and is willing to make the effort to make your birthday special.

MamskiBell · 06/04/2023 23:21

Read what you've written and ask yourself, if this was your friend what would be telling them? I think you know the answer. Sack him off.

SD1978 · 06/04/2023 23:58

It's your birthday, whilst I would have no enjoyment personally with what you want to do, as your partner, and person who allegedly loves you, I would go and do my best to (pretend) enjoy myself. The fact that he doesn't want to ruin his night, having done what he wants, even when it's supposed to be 'your' night, indicates he seems pretty selfish. That would be a pretty big issue to me.

Gymnopedie · 07/04/2023 01:26

Does he insist that everything you do together has to be his choice and expect you to suck it up? Has he ever decided on something you really don't want to do but told you that you have to because it's what he wants to do, and as his partner you should be happy to make him happy?

OhcantthInkofaname · 07/04/2023 01:52

Please send him off!

retrosteamband · 07/04/2023 02:17

I don’t like it when men tell their partners how to dress. It’s your birthday, who cares if you dress a bit “goth”.

were you planning to go to a rock/emo concert or club after? If he doesn’t like the music, it’s fair enough that he doesn’t go imo. He will bring the mood down. It’s something that you should invite friends to instead? I’ve been to events where I don’t like the genre and it can be a bit flat even if I try and act sociable. Especially rock music where the crowd can get a bit rowdy

SinnerBoy · 07/04/2023 02:39

He's a mean, selfish tosser. He must have known your fashion choices when you met, so why is he trying to control you now?

It's your birthday, you want to do something you want, so he should just suck it up and put a brave face on. I took my wife to see Mama Mia at the cinema and within ten minutes, I was ready to slit my wrists. I pretended to enjoy it.

She asked me later to buy the DVD and got annoyed, as I wouldn't watch it again! She said, "I thought you loved it?"

I said I couldn't have said it was awful, as it was her birthday choice.

And don't get me started on the Vietnamese restaurant... she knows I don't like the food, but I still took her!

Sunshine275 · 07/04/2023 04:11

Red flags, controlling and belittling, get out of there!

GoodChat · 07/04/2023 06:20

Dye your hair black, OP.

Codlingmoths · 07/04/2023 06:29

It’s your birthday weekend away and he has said you have to do things you liked and he doesn’t want to do anything you like if he doesn’t and he also doesn’t like what you wear? Are you on social media? if so I think you need to post or group message friends ‘anyone want to come away for the weekend for my birthday? I have a spot for one, who doesn’t mind sharing a bed with me! Conditions are you have to come out to a cocktail bar and not tell me my clothes choice makes me unattractive! Doesn’t sound too hard I know but <your soon ro be ex’s name> couldn’t manage it 🤷‍♀️

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 07/04/2023 06:32

🦶 -> 🦵-> 🚪-> 🗑️

Codlingmoths · 07/04/2023 06:42

Sorry I meant you have to do things HE liked

Aprilx · 07/04/2023 06:53

I don’t know what a rock/emo is, but I don’t like concerts, crowds or loud music and I simply could not go to something like that and I never have. Maybe somebody else could not tolerate say, a football match. If you find cocktail bars similarly offensive then yes he is being very unreasonable, but I assume you are perfectly happy to go to them? Most people enjoy a bar / restaurant. But I don’t think anybody should be dragged to something that they actively would dislike or even find difficult to attend.

SuperMom198 · 07/04/2023 09:07

custardbear · 06/04/2023 07:55

Imagine you whole life being like this, til you're 80+ ... no, it's not an attractive thing to have a selfish partner. I'd be organising a night out with a friend and get rid of the selfish excuse of a
Boyfriend

This comment right here 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Alconleigh · 07/04/2023 09:16

Yes he sounds pretty selfish, as most other people have said. Do you want to spend more years with someone who cares so little about what you enjoy or making you happy?

Littlegoth · 07/04/2023 09:24

Honestly bin him off. So selfish. It’s not all about what he likes.

Scottsy200 · 07/04/2023 11:04

Put him in the bin he sounds like a proper d!ckhead

AnotherEmma · 07/04/2023 14:23

Ditch this guy, he is not a keeper.
He is selfish and controlling, doesn't even respect your right to dress how you like and do something you enjoy on your birthday Angry