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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really like small children despite having one?!

103 replies

Sadmadsleepy · 05/04/2023 17:16

Just that really. Feel the stereotype is that we all love babies and little’uns. I was never overly keen on them pre motherhood, and haven’t found that’s really changed.

I can see the cute side a bit more, like when it makes me think of my own DD at that age, and am much more confident in knowing how to interact with them and keep them alive if needed! However, the mini-person maternal urge seems to be turned off in me. With the exception of my own child lol; my liking just doesn’t extend beyond her.

Ironically, I work in a child-focused industry, but this is with school-aged children and I have no issue with that/ do actually like young children…just can’t see past the crying, crazy, snot-filled hooligans they are when very small to find the joy in them at that age!

Is this weird? Any others just not baby/toddler people but still like children overall?!

OP posts:
Meecrowavay · 10/04/2023 08:01

I quite like the small ones generally (illness/bums/snot/tantrums aside) but like all people, you like some and you don't like others. Children deserve their place in society and to not be spoken about like they're sub-human. I saw a post recently on a local Facebook group and people were comparing children to dogs - the post was from someone annoyed at children approaching their dog and the amount of people who made it a children vs dog thing was outstanding - complaining about children in restaurants, children making noise, children just existing... the dogs were definitely winning. It was so odd! Ok, you don't like children, but pitting them below dogs?! (I digress - not saying you're a dog loving kid hater OP).

piesforever · 10/04/2023 08:09

The only ages I liked were 8 to 12. I say liked...

Elaina87 · 10/04/2023 08:18

I've always liked kids. But my God when they reach 4 or 5 they can't half be annoying.

LakieLady · 10/04/2023 08:54

YANBU. I'm childfree by choice and a big reason for that choice is that I don't like babies or toddlers.

Once children get to school age they're a bit more interesting, and from the later years of primary I like them. I especially like teenagers though, and one of my SILs frequently asked me if I would adopt her DD when she was a tantrum-filled teen, as I was the only person who could talk to her without her going into one.

blebbleb · 10/04/2023 09:00

I think my tolerance for other peoples children has actually got lower since I have my own child. Not sure why. I only have time/patience for him really. Dreading his birthday party in a few weeks. He's young so parents will be there thankfully!

InspiredToBoot · 10/04/2023 09:01

Maybe there is a biological component to it, I don't know, but I used to love children until I had my own, and then I lost all interest in children apart from my own. Now they're older teens, I almost can't tolerate being in the same space as young children with their screechy voices and snotty faces.

InSpainTheRain · 10/04/2023 10:31

I don't think your feelings are unusual at all. I loved my 2 kids, but I'm not into other people's kids at all - I find them a nuisance (but obviously don't let that show). I found my own 2 kids far nicer when they grew up to late teens, now early 20's.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 10/04/2023 10:34

I don’t mind babies and toddlers but I don’t really want anything to do with them any more, been there done that and thank god mine are much bigger now!

psychDr · 10/04/2023 10:36

With the exception of my own child lol; my liking just doesn’t extend beyond her.

Same. My own toddler is the best most amazing little person in the entire world (to me, obviously). Not a fan of anyone else's children.

IncompleteSenten · 10/04/2023 10:38

I was going to answer yes, I don't like them either but then I thought about it and I don't dislike children. It's more that I find them overwhelming and loud and constantly wanting your attention and I find that hard to cope with and can only take so much before I have to get away. It's 100% a me problem.

Usernameisunavailable · 10/04/2023 10:41

Totally agreee, Op. Love my own kids, can’t stand other people’s! Grin

AnnaZofia · 10/04/2023 11:53

Of course YANBU. Other people's children are horrid. One's own are (objectively) probably equally repulsive but the difference is that you love them. There's nothing inherently lovable about the screaming, snotty, demanding human larvae.
(😉Wink emoji to signify that I am being humorous)

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 10/04/2023 12:04

Not wrong at all, but you do realise other people will feel the same about your child as you do others?

DangerousAlchemy · 10/04/2023 16:10

I'm with you on this one OP! mine are now 15 & 19 & I'm still finding my DS (15) has some REALLY annoying friends who always seem to be round eating all our food & peeing on the toilet seat etc. In fact, my DS is pretty annoying himself at the moment - such a moron! But yes I don't like most small kids particularly. I'm finding it hard to connect with my 6 yo DNephew atm - he's SUCH hard work! Wants attention all the time, never sits still or stops talking & is pretty violent at times if he's not getting his own way. They live 130 miles away so I can't just see them for lunch etc it has to involve at least one night staying here. Honestly I dread it! He's up at 7 too (perfectly normal time etc) but my teenagers aren't awake til 11 ish so it's just excruciatingly painful trying to stop him waking them up all morning. My Dsis had him at 39 so she's got a long way to go til he's independent. I'm very pleased my kids are older now as I'm approaching 50 & well into peri menopause. I find it much harder to tolerate screechy kids now & really don't want babies/toddlers near me in restaurants/pubs/planes/cinemas etc. I'm such a grouch these days 🤣🤣 I blame my age. My Dsis is 46 & I honestly don't know where she finds the energy to play constantly with a demanding 6 yo!

missmollygreen · 10/04/2023 16:18

YANBU, I prefer my dog to all small children (any age children actually lol)

Lcb123 · 10/04/2023 16:22

I generally don’t like children apart from my nephew and niece (although will admit they are annoying sometimes). TTC first at the moment though! Dreading having to go to kids parties / soft play / theme parks.

EliosBackPack · 10/04/2023 16:29

With you on this OP. I’m a mother and grandmother, adore all of mine and not particularly fond of/like all the others.
There sometimes seem to be a large majority that are completely uncontrolled and horribly entitled.
Before I’m flamed, I do not include, in the above paragraph, any children who have SN, either physical or emotional.

Kennykenkencat · 10/04/2023 16:31

I had mine inn my late 30s/40s and wish i had been able to do it sooner.

I loved taking my 2 out when they were babies and when they were children.
Even when i had just Dd when she was still a baby it have me the excuse to go to places that i couldn’t go without a child

My 2 grew up going out every single day and having a great time.
They are young adults now and i looked at what to do over the Easter break and I so wished one of them had a baby so we could go out and have a good time.
We were all wanting to go to a fun Easter Egg Hunt locally. Never mind the children. We as adults really really wanted to go out and join in.

Its probably because we all have adhd that we have never quite grownup.

Couldntgive2hoots · 10/04/2023 20:53

Sadmadsleepy · 05/04/2023 17:16

Just that really. Feel the stereotype is that we all love babies and little’uns. I was never overly keen on them pre motherhood, and haven’t found that’s really changed.

I can see the cute side a bit more, like when it makes me think of my own DD at that age, and am much more confident in knowing how to interact with them and keep them alive if needed! However, the mini-person maternal urge seems to be turned off in me. With the exception of my own child lol; my liking just doesn’t extend beyond her.

Ironically, I work in a child-focused industry, but this is with school-aged children and I have no issue with that/ do actually like young children…just can’t see past the crying, crazy, snot-filled hooligans they are when very small to find the joy in them at that age!

Is this weird? Any others just not baby/toddler people but still like children overall?!

I think it's normal
I like some other kids. Very VERY few. But there are a couple that are nearly as cool as my own. Mostly though..their presence infuriates me. And that's children of all ages. From baby to 24 yrs old 🤭

Songbird54321 · 10/04/2023 22:37

I’m actually fine with babies/toddlers and do find them quite cute. I absolutely can’t abide primary school aged children and never have been able to. I have one (almost 6) and quite frankly tolerate the other children in her class at a push. She asked me why I don’t go on school trips like the other mams, I didn’t have the heart to say ‘well sweetheart I hate all the other children in your school’ so copped out with the old ‘work’ excuse.
I seem to be able to cope again once they get to secondary school/teenage years despite them being little arseholes still at least their sense of humour develops somewhat

cadburyegg · 10/04/2023 22:39

I was at soft play today with my 8 and 5 year old. Funny how your tolerance level of small ones changes so much as they get older. My 5yo went into the section for smalls (he's still small enough as it goes by height), and I watched him. He was only in there 5 minutes or so, and in that time I saw one toddler running around naked from the waist down, and another who had wet themselves so was going around in urine soaked clothing. I would have alerted the parents but it was busy and I didn't know whose kid belonged to who. Couldn't wait to get out of there 😂

Original poster
Sadmadsleepy · 10/04/2023 22:47

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 10/04/2023 12:04

Not wrong at all, but you do realise other people will feel the same about your child as you do others?

Absolutely!

Mine is a right stroppy madam who appears to misunderstand the power dynamics between parent and child. The strange phenomenon where you adore your child despite disliking others is the only thing keeping her alive some days!

I have no doubt she can and will be highly annoying to many others not related both now and for many years to come…🤣

OP posts:
JMSA · 10/04/2023 23:27

I like children a lot on the whole. I work with them though, so I'd be in the wrong job if I didn't.
Such funny, interesting little people. Mind you, I work with teens these days, so not so little!

JMSA · 10/04/2023 23:27

Oh, and my own kids can be a major pain in the tits Grin

JMSA · 10/04/2023 23:29

Goodness, some of these comments. Is it an ego thing, to only like one's own children? It seems very cold to me.