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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really like small children despite having one?!

103 replies

Sadmadsleepy · 05/04/2023 17:16

Just that really. Feel the stereotype is that we all love babies and little’uns. I was never overly keen on them pre motherhood, and haven’t found that’s really changed.

I can see the cute side a bit more, like when it makes me think of my own DD at that age, and am much more confident in knowing how to interact with them and keep them alive if needed! However, the mini-person maternal urge seems to be turned off in me. With the exception of my own child lol; my liking just doesn’t extend beyond her.

Ironically, I work in a child-focused industry, but this is with school-aged children and I have no issue with that/ do actually like young children…just can’t see past the crying, crazy, snot-filled hooligans they are when very small to find the joy in them at that age!

Is this weird? Any others just not baby/toddler people but still like children overall?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadmadsleepy · 07/04/2023 07:26

PrettyMaybug · 06/04/2023 19:31

I kind of get you. I raised mine for 20+ years, and they left home over a decade ago. I absolutely loved having my children, I didn't really mind their friends being around, and I didn't mind my nieces and nephews being round etc... Coz I was younger then.. 20s and 30s. But now I am in my mid to late 50s, I absolutely cannot bear little children around me. Hyper, screechy, OTT, demanding, high energy. Just no.

Also, I know four women right now who have had babies in the past 8-9 months, and I am fucked off with having one of the babies thrust into my arms 'so I can have a cuddle.' I don't want to cuddle your baby. Just coz you CBA to hold them yourself, and you're bored with him/her, don't dump them on me. I have zero interest in spending half an hour holding your 12 pound lump. I am going to a party on Monday, and 2 of them are there, and I KNOW they will shove their fucking baby on me. I am actually thinking of pretending I have broken my arm.

Just this past few days, I have been up town a couple of times - and all the little kids between 4, and maybe 10 or 11, are running round in groups of 5 or 6 just screaming, (shrill and harsh and right at the top of their voice,) and the parents are just completely ignoring them. It has absolutely done my head in.

I cannot stand the sound of kids screaming and screeching. I've got zero tolerance for them now. This is why I absolutely cannot get my head around how anybody would have a baby in their mid to late 40s ... Imagine having to put up with this shit all the time in your late 40s and all through your 50s?! I shudder just thinking about it. Confused

Urgh hate the ‘have a cuddle’ thing with some uninteresting - or even worse, crying - baby. (I of course found my DD amazingly cute as a baby….this just doesn’t translate to any others!!). I end of doing it and remarking on how cute they are etc for politeness…

Now I do actually like older children…but have never liked them out in public, even pre motherhood, so get that part. Comes from them being able to get away with acting likes hooligans and me not being able to step in as I would at work, where I absolutely wouldn’t allow half the antics I see out and about!

OP posts:
Snowjokes · 07/04/2023 07:35

I generally quite like small children, but after having my own I’ve been surprised by my capacity to actively dislike individual children (not that I would voice this out loud or treat them differently, I’m not that horrible).

I’ve never gone silly over babies and still don’t, happy to hold one so a friend can eat or whatever but when it comes to people assuming I “want cuddles” I generally manage to deflect to DH as he adores baby cuddles.

brianixon · 07/04/2023 08:05

As mine got older I liked them more. Right up to one going to Uni and other into the Army. The same September!

As the main care Parent I was in close contact after youngest was 3 or so.

TitoMojito · 07/04/2023 08:12

Also, I know four women right now who have had babies in the past 8-9 months, and I am fucked off with having one of the babies thrust into my arms 'so I can have a cuddle.' I don't want to cuddle your baby. Just coz you CBA to hold them yourself, and you're bored with him/her, don't dump them on me. I have zero interest in spending half an hour holding your 12 pound lump. I am going to a party on Monday, and 2 of them are there, and I KNOW they will shove their fucking baby on me. I am actually thinking of pretending I have broken my arm.

This is me 😂😂

Xmasbaby11 · 07/04/2023 08:23

I wasn’t v maternal before I had kids but when my friends started having babies, I did enjoy seeing them and watching them grow up. Since having my own dc I have liked being around little children and am interested in any children of my friends or relatives. Mine are 9 and 11 now so way past that stage but I remember it well and have a mixture of compassion and envy - I found it tough but precious.

my own little children were not so different from other people’s- of course I loved them but they could be annoying just like others! I. Think having / having had your own kids that age gives you a greater understanding of others that age therefore greater tolerance. That’s how I found it anyway.

Ozgirl75 · 07/04/2023 08:26

I adore my own children and consider them wonderful, but other children I mainly find either fairly boring or quite annoying. My oldest son is now 12 and his friends are nice, because they’re coming up to being able to talk about more interesting things.
I went out with a friend and her two children the other day and they’re just…well, one of them is just honestly a whiny wet blanket and the other one is ok but I would prefer to spend time with another adult than him.
I like a sweet smily baby in small doses. Funnily enough babies adore my youngest son and he will happily spend ages doing peekaboo or playing with them whereas I don’t want to do more than a couple of minutes. I’ll do more if I have to but I would prefer not to.

MagpiePi · 07/04/2023 08:29

There's that quote...
Children are like farts - you can only tolerate your own
😀

Slitherie · 07/04/2023 08:32

No I don’t like kids either, they’re annoying, loud and irritating.

I only like my own (now adult) kids and my granddaughter who I absolutely worship

cloudonego · 07/04/2023 08:32

Even my Facebook/Insta etc have finally worked out I don't want to watch videos of "cute" babies and "funny" toddlers (oh god and don't get me started on the cringe pregnancy/ mum TikToks/reels) and just shows me cats now. As it should be.

Yes I have kids.

MagpiePi · 07/04/2023 08:33

I personally find babies really boring, even my own. Yes, I loved them with a fierceness that shocked me, but, jeez, the tedium. I always found them far more interesting the older they got.
I know some people absolutely love the baby stage though, we're all different!

coeurnoir · 07/04/2023 08:34

Much prefer mine now they are adults.
Babies are boring.
Toddlers are terrorists.
The rest up to 18 annoying.
I'm practically begging mine now to remain childfree 🤣

Displayedwhenyoupost · 07/04/2023 08:39

Snowjokes · 07/04/2023 07:35

I generally quite like small children, but after having my own I’ve been surprised by my capacity to actively dislike individual children (not that I would voice this out loud or treat them differently, I’m not that horrible).

I’ve never gone silly over babies and still don’t, happy to hold one so a friend can eat or whatever but when it comes to people assuming I “want cuddles” I generally manage to deflect to DH as he adores baby cuddles.

This all the way! I'm perfectly pleasant to small children but don't go out of my way to interact with them. Funnily enough some of them seem to quite like me, and follow me about to talk to me.

GoodChat · 07/04/2023 08:42

I quite like small children. I think they're cute. But I just cannot interact with them, even though I'm great with my own children Grin

coeurnoir · 07/04/2023 08:44

I don't think it's just a MN thing, I think there are a lot of women (and presumably men) who don't like children, but still wanted to have their own. I'd say a good 90% of my friendship group - consisting of mostly middle aged people some with, some without children, find them less tolerable now we are getting older. Around half of us would admit to always finding them intolerable and the lifestyle that comes with children - this child focused thing is so fucking boring. I tolerated it for my own, but never enjoyed playing with them or taking them to theme parks (actually I didn't - I bribed one of my siblings to do that bit for me).

People do tend to assume that if you've had children then you know what to do with them. Sure I can change a nappy and cut up some food, but I only brought up my kids...I am not a child expert so no point asking my advice about anything 🤣. I actually found that the most useful source of advice around kids was my childless friend who was a nursery teacher.

AlltheFs · 07/04/2023 08:46

I adore my DD, absolutely love being with her. I have absolutely zero interest in other children of any age.

I nearly didn’t have DD because I wasn’t maternal at all. But I’m actually really intuitive with DD and felt a huge connection instantly. Being a mum really suits me. But other kids are just irritating, whereas mine is the best person in the world.

Schmutter · 07/04/2023 08:47

The absolute best thing about your kids getting older, is that you know longer have to be around little kids.

Original poster
Sadmadsleepy · 07/04/2023 08:49

BertieBotts · 06/04/2023 19:58

I always think it would be great if you could just swap with other parents and only do the bits that you like Grin

I'll take newborns, 1-3.5 year olds, and then pick them back up at 7. Or even better at secondary school age.

If someone else could do the 3-5 year bit that would be especially great.

I think we all have different strengths and weaknesses, and it's totally normal/valid to favour certain ages and wish you had a fast forward button for other ages.

Sounds good. Even pre kiddie I used today I’d quite like someone else to take my future kids and bring them back around age 4/5 so personal preference has def never been for littlies!

I do get that many people LOVE babies and get super cooey when near one. Each to their own I guess.

OP posts:
NooNakedJacuzziness · 07/04/2023 08:57

Work are having a bring your kids in day soon, my heart sank when they announced that. I don't mind kids but not in the office on a normal working day please. I'll have to do the 'ooh hellooo, how're you?" and be met by an impassive blank stare several times over. I will cringe myself inside out.

Reugny · 07/04/2023 09:01

Children are people.

Some people are a-holes and some are lovely.

Reugny · 07/04/2023 09:03

NooNakedJacuzziness · 07/04/2023 08:57

Work are having a bring your kids in day soon, my heart sank when they announced that. I don't mind kids but not in the office on a normal working day please. I'll have to do the 'ooh hellooo, how're you?" and be met by an impassive blank stare several times over. I will cringe myself inside out.

Oh god my idea of hell.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 07/04/2023 09:14

I quite like little children and do cuddle new borns. But it seems kind of pointless to fuss over them somehow?

With my own there was always a need to be fulfilled and it was my actual job to love and care for them. With other people's babies, there's no need to be fulfilled and it all feels a bit hollow.

CoalCraft · 07/04/2023 09:15

I'm sort of the same. I adore newborns of all persuasions but once they get beyond about four months I'm not keen, except with my own!

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 07/04/2023 09:15

I am the same. I adore my own DC but have absolutely zero interest in anyone else's. Probably a good job I don't have any nieces or nephews!

ladygindiva · 07/04/2023 10:20

PrettyMaybug · 06/04/2023 19:31

I kind of get you. I raised mine for 20+ years, and they left home over a decade ago. I absolutely loved having my children, I didn't really mind their friends being around, and I didn't mind my nieces and nephews being round etc... Coz I was younger then.. 20s and 30s. But now I am in my mid to late 50s, I absolutely cannot bear little children around me. Hyper, screechy, OTT, demanding, high energy. Just no.

Also, I know four women right now who have had babies in the past 8-9 months, and I am fucked off with having one of the babies thrust into my arms 'so I can have a cuddle.' I don't want to cuddle your baby. Just coz you CBA to hold them yourself, and you're bored with him/her, don't dump them on me. I have zero interest in spending half an hour holding your 12 pound lump. I am going to a party on Monday, and 2 of them are there, and I KNOW they will shove their fucking baby on me. I am actually thinking of pretending I have broken my arm.

Just this past few days, I have been up town a couple of times - and all the little kids between 4, and maybe 10 or 11, are running round in groups of 5 or 6 just screaming, (shrill and harsh and right at the top of their voice,) and the parents are just completely ignoring them. It has absolutely done my head in.

I cannot stand the sound of kids screaming and screeching. I've got zero tolerance for them now. This is why I absolutely cannot get my head around how anybody would have a baby in their mid to late 40s ... Imagine having to put up with this shit all the time in your late 40s and all through your 50s?! I shudder just thinking about it. Confused

I have 3 kids I loved at every stage but I totally agree about people that seem to think you want to hold their baby ... Er, no I fucking don't want to thanks!

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/04/2023 10:21

You’re not alone. Our kids were exceptional, obviously, as is our grandchild. Nothing short of perfect 😁
Not often keen on other people’s.