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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I have messed up massively

129 replies

moonmoon123 · 05/04/2023 11:01

periods 3 days late, felt pregnant partner thought I was pregnant.
took early test last week negative, took one yesterday FAINT line..was over excited and told partner then we told my mum I’m pregnant… this morning I took two tests negative……… shit, have I just announced I’m pregnant when I’m not.

OP posts:
zurala · 05/04/2023 14:32

It could have been a very early loss, I'm sorry. Some posters are calling it a chemical pregnancy but that's basically just a very early miscarriage. I think false positives are quite rare. I'm sorry.

RudsyFarmer · 05/04/2023 14:32

Sounds like it might have been a chemical. Just say that you announced too quickly. Happened to me recently with a friend and she apologised. There was absolutely nothing to apologise for.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 05/04/2023 14:32

MoongazyHare · 05/04/2023 11:17

Pregnancy tests are usually very reliable, but I see posts on here time and time again by people who interpret anything and nothing as a second line, so they aren’t actually positive tests in the true sense; they’ve just been read incorrectly, often due to wishful thinking.

Show quote history

I use DP for this - he is a massive pregnancy test (and covid test) sceptic and is Dutch so has no issues being blunt - so I only count the pregnancy test as positive if he agrees he can see a line!

SlashBeef · 05/04/2023 14:32

Bless you. Maybe test again tomorrow? Let your mum know what's happened I'm sure she won't be judgemental or anything and she can support you either way Flowers

OnlyFannys · 05/04/2023 14:34

Bless you op you havent messed up at all, totally natural to tell people closest to you so please dont feel bad or guilty at all. Its possible you are pregnant if you havent come on your period so maybe just have a quiet word and explain that you are not sure. Keeping my fingers crossed for you

sleepymama3 · 05/04/2023 14:36

This isn't messing up, you poor thing. What are mums for if not to share our (sometimes misguided) excitement? Hope it goes well for you.

pontipinemum · 05/04/2023 14:36

I wasn't sure which way to vote, I voted YABU - to be thinking you did anything wrong/ messed up.

You were excited of course you told your partner. My husband heard about every test I did!! You jumped the gun telling your mam but it's not a big mess up. Maybe next time wait until 2 missed periods to tell anyone other than your partner.

Also, if your period is 3 days late. I would still test again.

AllOfThemWitches · 05/04/2023 14:37

321user123 · 05/04/2023 14:17

If her period is late it is not early testing.
Early testing is when you test before your period is due. She tested after.

Show quote history

And 'took an early test last week.'

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 05/04/2023 14:37

Just test again and fingers crossed.
The whole wait 12 weeks thing before telling the world was in case there was anything was wrong - if you make it past 12 weeks the odds of the pregnancy going full term successfully increase dramatically. They had the stats on a poster in the hospital I was in the other day. Of course if people want to announce early or late that's entirely up to them. @Isheabastard

Turfwars · 05/04/2023 14:41

moonmoon123 · 05/04/2023 11:01

periods 3 days late, felt pregnant partner thought I was pregnant.
took early test last week negative, took one yesterday FAINT line..was over excited and told partner then we told my mum I’m pregnant… this morning I took two tests negative……… shit, have I just announced I’m pregnant when I’m not.

Depends on the test, some like First Response detect earlier than the blue line ones... and also the concentration of your urine. If I were you, I'd take that quietly as a good thing until you get a period.

So look, no mistakes here, massive or otherwise. It sounds like you are really close to your mum and you were excited. I never told my mum early just because I knew she would blab it to everyone and I was very cautious after years of TTC. I did confide in a sister who would take a secret to the grave and some anonymous online groups though. We told DM and the family then at 17 weeks on the weekend before I had to inform work.

Fingers crossed that the negatives you had are false ones!

AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman · 05/04/2023 14:50

Isheabastard · 05/04/2023 11:35

I’m older so I remember when there weren’t any at home pregnancy tests.

You had to go to the doctors and give a urine sample and wait for it to come back from the lab, and wait for the doctor to tell you.

I can’t remember how long after a missed period you had to wait before a doctor would take the urine test, but even back then I think you had to be quite a few weeks pregnant before the hormones were detectable in the urine.

so I think that’s where the 12 week wait originated from. It would be nearly that by the time you actually got confirmation.

Way back before any sort of pregnancy test was possible, you were often considered 'officially' pregnant once it had been three months since your last period. That's less likely to be an error of counting or an overly long cycle, and it's also after the majority of miscarriages happen. In some time periods and cultures a lot of emphasis was put on feeling the 'quickening' - baby's first movements - which isn't til around 20 weeks.

Of course lots of women would know or suspect they were pregnant before 20 or 12 weeks, and may well have shared it with mothers, sisters, friends, maybe husbands. And if you have hyperemesis, good luck hiding that from anyone in the past or today.

OP if you still don't have your period, test again in a few days first thing in the morning. You didn't do anything wrong.

Zone2NorthLondon · 05/04/2023 14:56

Sorry you’re disappointed, it’s understandable to get excited and share with folk you love
Hope you get good news soon

Topseyt123 · 05/04/2023 14:59

You didn't do anything wrong. Just got a bit overexcited, which is normal despite what some people would say.

Leave it a few days and then test again if you still have no period.

jays · 05/04/2023 14:59

hannonle · 05/04/2023 11:04

Yes, 3 days late and neg tests then a faint line it's ridiculous you announced. You'll have to say you read the test wrong or something. And next time wait until you're sure and have multiple positives. 🙄🙄🙄

Why be so unkind.

Sceptre86 · 05/04/2023 15:05

Hope it all goes well op. I'd get a digital test to be sure. Also I'm not surprised you told you mum the excitement can be overwhelming. We told pil about an hour after we took the test and my parents on the same day. I couldn't have kept it in and had no reason to think it wouldn't work out and even if it hadn't they would have been the people I told anyway. Best of luck. x

MrsMiddleMother · 05/04/2023 15:10

Oh op you only told your mum, if you're period still hasn't arrived in a couple of days then test again. It could have been a chemical or a faulty test. You were excited, it happens. When I was trying I went through a ridiculous amount of tests, squinting and opening them it can send you loopy sometimes. Good luck

321user123 · 05/04/2023 15:12

AllOfThemWitches · 05/04/2023 14:37

And 'took an early test last week.'

Show quote history

Shit. My mistake.
I concentrated in the first line and that bit flew off my mind.
Sorry.

Leopardpj · 05/04/2023 15:17

This happened to me... and I was totally pregnant. As people say a line is a line and false positives are rare. Presuming you don't get your period, test again first thing in the morning. Not sure why people are being weird about you telling your partner and mum - it's a completely personal decision who you tell and when. Good luck!

ClaireEclair · 05/04/2023 15:26

I told my husband and mum straight away! They will understand.

OldFan · 05/04/2023 15:30

Maybe it's because I had previous miscarriages in the past @moonmoon123 but a lot of people don't announce anything till their twelve week scan anyway.

It could jinx it (not that jinxes are a thing, but why risk it?)

OldFan · 05/04/2023 15:31

I'm not implying you jinxed it BTW, just that waiting till twelve weeks is more cautious.

xogossipgirlxo · 05/04/2023 15:38

They're very rarely false positive. Could it be chemical? Anyway, I'm sure your mum will understand. Good luck TTC.

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 15:46

It could have been a false faint positive you did one last week that was negative and another 2 that were also negative. If you did miscarry you would know. I think people are getting carried away with themselves on this thread.

I am sorry you didn't get the news you were hoping to get it might be worth talking to your doctor if you are struggling to conceive.

MrNook · 05/04/2023 15:51

Not sure why people are jumping to OP having a miscarriage, there could be a number of reasons for a "faint positive" followed by negatives.

An evap line on the "faint positive", taking different brands of tests and the positive one being something like a FRER that detects earlier, the positive being FMU and the following negatives being later on in the day with concentrated urine etc

DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 · 05/04/2023 15:54

I can understand your excitement at a possible pregnancy. I wouldn’t have announced to anyone outside my partner on the basis of one faint line

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