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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Invited to buffet but bring your own food

104 replies

Daffodilstulip · 04/04/2023 20:56

AIBU to think if you are invited to a buffet a good host should offer to cater for allergies or dietary requirements?

I’ve been invited to a buffet on Friday but told to bring my own food as I can’t eat gluten.

AIBU to find this but rude?

OP posts:

Inthesamesinkingboat · 04/04/2023 21:23

Also bear in mind that nowadays with so many different dietary requirements it might not just be you that the host is trying to cater for. If you have a nut free, a vegan and a gluten free it really adds to the prep.
I did a lunch last week and there was a nut-free and a vegan, as well as some old school family members who are meat and two veg types and trying to keep everyone happy, manage cross contamination of dishes made cooking a less than enjoyable experience.
once upon a time I enjoyed hosting, now I dread it.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/04/2023 21:24

No not at all.

They just don’t have the time / cash / energy to deal with non standard food requirements.

Honestly isn’t being rude.

Sairk · 04/04/2023 21:30

No not rude if she's catering for a group. I'd bring my own and still go.

drpet49 · 04/04/2023 21:32

It is rude. Screams out that she can’t be bothered to cater for your dietary requirement.

bigbabycooker · 04/04/2023 21:35

I think it is a bit rude in your situation, OP.

I'd probably tell you that I would have x and y that I would put out for you, plus salad, but that you might want to bring something to supplement it. There are some quite easy things that are definitely GF without risk of confusion - jacket potatoes, salad, cheese etc, even if not super exciting

Littlethingsmeanalot · 04/04/2023 21:37

Surely there will be plenty there that’s gluten free. Potatoes, salad, meat etc. so it’s not like you won’t be able to eat anything, just if you want gluten free stuff bring it, I think it’s fine.

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 04/04/2023 21:38

Erm… honestly, I much prefer to bring my own food than having the poor host turning themselves around to accommodate separately for my dietary requirements, especially when they do not have much knowledge about hidden allergens, trans contamination, etc.

I think YABU to be offended, sometimes it is not possible to find the time or money to provide for specific needs. I know it would have been easier for her not to invite you, you can respond to this lack of concern by declining the invite ( I say this as someone with a stupid amount of allergies who would rather fight for the right to bring my food than risking someone to cook for me).

Mum2jenny · 04/04/2023 21:43

I have friends who are vegan and I feed them, I have others with multiple allergies and I still can feed them. Gluten free is easy imo. So OP yanbu at all!

notacooldad · 04/04/2023 21:47

Sounds sensible to me to be honest.
I go to a buffet not necessarily for the food but for the company. If I have to take my own tofu burgers or popcorn cauliflower, I don't care. I'm happy to be out socialising.

maddy68 · 04/04/2023 21:48

I always take my own as I was seriously unwell from eating what I was told was gluten free.

I totally think this way the host and yourself is safe

CheeseMunchies · 04/04/2023 21:48

I think it is pure laziness on the hoast's part. I have friends with allergies, vegan friends and a celiac family member and always make sure I cater for them. It's not always reciprocated as I often end up being asked to bring my own vegetarian food to parties etc.

CheeseMunchies · 04/04/2023 21:49

*host

Greensleevevssnotnose · 04/04/2023 21:53

I'm going for Thai on Thursday and am taking my own noodles incase they don't have GF. You get used to it if it is an allergy and not a lifestyle choice.

MusicInAWord · 04/04/2023 21:58

I've been lactose intolerant for years. I still turn up to family get togethers where it's been forgotten and there's nothing I can eat. The same family members also get offended if I bring my own food. So I'd be delighted and relieved if somebody said this to me - I could relax and know there will be stuff I can eat.

MysteryBelle · 04/04/2023 22:00

If it’s a buffet at a family member’s house, bring a couple of dishes that you can have. You said it’s not a serious reaction or life threatening. Now, is this person someone who you feel doesn’t like you already, and this is one more indication of that? If so, I can see why it would upset you, and I wouldn’t go if I were you. If that’s the case.

Pestispeeved · 04/04/2023 22:01

Most coeliacs take their own food to buffets, the host may be able to cater but the cross contaminations risk is high. Some hosts can cope and will make a GF buffet but that is an exception.

You either take your own food or take the risk.

I believed one of my friends could cater for me, and then left the party via an ambulance. Much fun, been hypersensitised ever since and can't go to a food shop or speak to a dairy consumer within 6ft.

Can you manage to pick edible bits out of a standard buffet? Or would it be best to take your own? If you get it wrong, do you need an ambulance?

SoftSheen · 04/04/2023 22:01

YANBU. As well as all the obvious things like fruit, vegetables, meat, cheese etc, most supermarkets stock a range of gluten-free products which your sister could easily pick up without having to go to huge effort.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 04/04/2023 22:04

Every single item in the buffet has gluten?

sevenbyseven · 04/04/2023 22:04

A friend of mine with coeliacs has been unwell after supposedly gluten free food at restaurants so now doesn't take the risk of eating out. She prepares her own food and has her own pans and utensils that never come into contact with gluten. I certainly wouldn't feel able to cater for her, especially at a buffet with all the cross-contaminaion risk.

Irritateandunreasonable · 04/04/2023 22:05

Nah, all of a sudden everyone’s got allergies, well your symptoms sound like an intolerance then an allergy.

you can’t expect to be catered for.

whynotwhatknot · 04/04/2023 22:06

its not an allergy so no not really-still plenty you can eat

Soontobe60 · 04/04/2023 22:08

Surely if it’s a buffet there will be lots of food that doesn’t contain gluten? It doesn’t sound like you are allergic, more like intolerant.

Pestispeeved · 04/04/2023 22:09

Presumably, you could take some GF bread and eat something like chicken thighs and salad.

Gothambutnotahamster · 04/04/2023 22:10

I don't think it's rude as she may well be worried about making you ill accidentally. This way, it's your own responsibility.

Blort · 04/04/2023 22:12

As a host I would never do this. Ever. But it's horribly expensive providing several different buffet options for an alternative diet. Eg crisps, nuts, cheeses etc.

I'm meticulous with labels for drinks, anything that may be ingested. It's also a lot of leg work. If it were informal and I was overwhelmed I could see how a host might ask.

I think this is a better option than not being catered to at all, which I've seen happen to someone else with an allergy - that was dangerous and rude.

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