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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please help - I’m loosing my mind

68 replies

Feelingcrazy123 · 04/04/2023 18:32

I posted the other day re this but I need help please.

Back in September I stumbled across messages between my husband and a girl he used to know years ago when I was sending myself some pictures from him phone to mine.

He had hid and deleted messages so I have no idea what they were saying. He said they bumped into each other one day and talked from there - nothing else to it.

I was looking through his pictures on his phone the other night and found screen shots of their messages he had taken. Some of them were from JULY 22.

my birthday was September and his emails are linked to my phone. I was expecting a gift from Etsy from him but nothing came of it. The keyring was engraved “elephant juice” which when whispered looks like you’re saying I love you - the whole love island thing. This made no sense why he would buy me this. When I asked him it was in his car. I’m very suspicious that it wasn’t meant for me.

I had tried to message her to get her side of the story when I approached him about it again but he had messaged her to give her a heads up I had seen screen shots. She has blocked me on all social media and they were taking about it over insta.

AIBU to create a new insta so I can message her or is that pure crazy behaviour?

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 04/04/2023 18:33

I'd be considering leaving him over this.

Original poster
Feelingcrazy123 · 04/04/2023 18:34

The messages said “your shifts really scare me”. He works random shifts on call so he doesn’t have a set working day at all. So I would never know where he really is or should be. “You’re taking your wife to where you met me” and his really was “don’t be jealous hun” and things like that. They also shared screen shots of their top used emojis which both contained the elephant emoji.

I just want to know what she has to say about it all. He’s changed his story so many times

OP posts:
PlantagenetEmbassy · 04/04/2023 18:34

YABU to take the course of action you suggest. But trust is gone so this relationship is basically over.

Jagoda · 04/04/2023 18:35

Why are you going all Miss Marple? You know he’s a wrong un.

Stop thinking about him, and concentrate on how you are going to make a new life without this cheating liar.

TheSnowyOwl · 04/04/2023 18:36

YABU and it’s crazy behaviour. Your relationship is over so leave, and move on.

gamerchick · 04/04/2023 18:36

Why are you driving yourself nuts? Tell him your relationship is over and to bugger off. He's taking the piss right out of you.

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 04/04/2023 18:36

It's obvious something is going on, so you're just wasting time setting up fake accounts. I think your marriage is over.

NellyNoName · 04/04/2023 18:36

Dont message her, if she’s already blocked you I doubt she’d engage with you anyway. You have the information you need, there’s obviously something inappropriate going on between them. I’m really sorry OP.

ClaudiaCustard · 04/04/2023 18:37

Is there a reason why you're not leaving him?

j81 · 04/04/2023 18:38

Create a new Instagram and message her! As for she has you blocked on all social media instantly says they've got something to hide otherwise why have you blocked x

nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 18:40

What would messaging her achieve? He's clearly having an affair, you need to make moves to separate

massivenamechnage · 04/04/2023 18:40

j81 · 04/04/2023 18:38

Create a new Instagram and message her! As for she has you blocked on all social media instantly says they've got something to hide otherwise why have you blocked x

Which is stalking- very bad advice

UB40andaglassofwine · 04/04/2023 18:40

Don't be a mug

MrsDoylesDoily · 04/04/2023 18:41

You have all the proof you need that they're having an affair and not just an emotional one.

There is no need to message her.

What are you going to do about him and your relationship?

TimeForTeaAndG · 04/04/2023 18:41

Her side of it is irrelevant. He's clearly an arsehole and you have plenty of examples just in those few posts already.

You're not losing your mind, you just need to get rid of him.

Original poster
Feelingcrazy123 · 04/04/2023 18:41

The reasons I haven’t left:

I’m 12 weeks pregnant
We have a 3 year old together
All our money is joint - I don’t have a penny to myself and would struggle on my own. I could never manage 2 children and run the house alone.
I can’t walk away with out the proof - I know that’s stupid and pathetic. I know that.

OP posts:
MrsDoylesDoily · 04/04/2023 18:41

j81 · 04/04/2023 18:38

Create a new Instagram and message her! As for she has you blocked on all social media instantly says they've got something to hide otherwise why have you blocked x

Completely unnecessary and pointless waste of time.

Kanaloa · 04/04/2023 18:42

I’m confused that you want to hear her side of the story. What side? He’s cheating on you, with her. Her side of the story is that she is the other woman. That’s it.

MrsDoylesDoily · 04/04/2023 18:42

Feelingcrazy123 · 04/04/2023 18:41

The reasons I haven’t left:

I’m 12 weeks pregnant
We have a 3 year old together
All our money is joint - I don’t have a penny to myself and would struggle on my own. I could never manage 2 children and run the house alone.
I can’t walk away with out the proof - I know that’s stupid and pathetic. I know that.

The reasons you haven't left will be the same reasons he thinks he can get away with having an affair.

DanceMonster · 04/04/2023 18:43

You could do that, but what’s the point? He’s obviously cheating, what other proof do you need?

MrsDoylesDoily · 04/04/2023 18:43

And even if you did manage to contact her after she got the heads up and blocked you, what do you think she's going to do, suddenly start talking to you?

TimeForTeaAndG · 04/04/2023 18:44

The messages, the keyring, the changing story. That's proof.

Staying/not kicking him out (assume you're the main caregiver so need to stay with the toddler) just shows him you'll put up with whatever he does.

Speak to a divorce lawyer.

shutthewindownow · 04/04/2023 18:47

He is a cheat and he is carrying on like a teenager. I hope you havnt got kids with him Get rid

ClaudiaCustard · 04/04/2023 18:47

It's not pathetic and it's completely understandable

But as an outsider looking in, it's very clear what he's doing and it's also clear why you're not in an ideal position to just throw him out

It's a really tough position for you to be in

The best thing to do is gather up your strength and kick him out

The second best thing is to bide your time until you have that strength

What an arsehole he is

Kanaloa · 04/04/2023 18:51

And to be honest I’d think they’re the pathetic ones. I’d feel sick with myself if I was twittering around about a love island keyring from a boyfriend who I knew was sneaking around behind the back of his wife and kids.

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