What do you wish you'd known or done before your children started secondary school?

[coodawoodashooda]

We have more than a year to go but am starting to panic. Any tips?

Find out if your school does a preloved uniform sale. I picked up loads of bits for my DD that were barely worn, it still had labels on! Saved an absolute fortune. Especially as she is not sporty and so PE kit only gets worn two hours a week.

and find out how school deals with detentions. and how it affects the journey home if they have to take an alternative bus or route home.

That wasn't true on our case. My DC and their best friend are still tight as ever event though they are in different classes, and they are still v close to their other almost-best friends from primary. Their group has been added to with quite a number of new friends which I'm really pleased about but DCs core group remains the same.
My younger DC starts in September, and honestly I'm hoping that they gravitate to new friendships as they are too reliant on their current best
friend. But they also have quite a few of their primary friends going up with them so all I can do is hope for the best.

My DC had autism and is about to start a mainstream secondary in Sept. I am absolutely terrified, he will not cope at all.

Thanks. I will just have to wait and see.

don't choose an uber strict school either. If my two forget something a classmate or the teacher lends it to them, it's no big deal, just as it would be in the workplace. In the neighbouring school it's an instant detention. Appalling imo.

Lots of supermarkets, M&S etc have a school uniform offer in , typically, late June early July. Buy everything you need then, before it's sold out. Especially unusual sizes - we always needed M&S extra long trousers with adjustable waists - absolutely essential for tall and skinny.
Absolutely no point searching for age 12 Xlong or 13 long (for the length) with adjustable waist in late August - it no longer exists!

The transition has been pretty smooth for my eldest, he's academically capable, responsible, pretty independent and reliable. But the whole process has made me realise how far off my youngest son is and how much he will struggle with the level of independence he should have, it's made us realise that many of his quirks are more likely ADHD so we have started the pathway for diagnosis with the school's support. It takes 2 years (he's year 4) so this is us preparing him for high school! So I suppose my advice would be if you have got any underlying concerns you've been pushing aside, it's better to get ahead of them before high school where the situation will be exacerbated.

Otherwise, don't fret, follow their lead. The strangest change has been slowly increasing his independence, letting him walk to the shops, meeting up with friends etc. Mixed bag of emotions!

Don't believe all the stuff that schools say about SEN provision. When we went to all the meetings & visit before ds started at secondary school we we told that all pupils with SEN would be able to use the department & learning area whenever needed. After starting at the school we found that entry in to the SEN provision was rationed & only available for the least able pupils. Basically any pupil who could struggle through lessons was expected to no matter how much difficulty they suffered. The SENCO was never available for meetings or to be contacted, despite us being told we would get a meeting at least once a term & also we had 11 different SENCO during the 5 years ds was in school & several went off long term sick with no cover for long periods.

If you can check with a current parent what uniform is actually used, I was the mug who bought the compulsory tracksuit bottoms they never wore. I also paid extra to have initials professionally embroidered on (rules required it) which virtually no one did and was so wasteful - there was no way to unpick so good condition pe kit couldn’t be passed on.

I'd just be prepared for a year of disorganisation and forgetfulness. Take it easy, but it's easier said than done. Don't do everything for them to avoid being late or losing things or missing homework etc. They need to make mistakes and learn from them.

The main change will be the sheer number of teachers and subjects they have to face compared to primary school. So lots of people to respond to, lots of materials to keep track of, lots of schedules to follow etc.

I told myself and DH when our eldest started Y7 that if we suddently had 12 or 13 new people and projects and materials and schedules in our work we'd surely be drowned for at least months.

So give yourself and DC sometime to get used to the change. Don't suddently blame them for being lazy, disorganised, ignorant and forgetful. By beginning of Y8 they will change massively if you stay positive and encouraging every step of the way. They will still be forgetful and disorganised at times, or many times, but much less frequent.

Oh thank god those days are over! Or them making a casserole and somehow having to cart a (breakable) casserole dish plus PE kit (because it always seemed to fall on the same day) on a 30 minute walk to school 😒

Mine loved secondary school and settled in immediately. It's very different to primary and I think they like the fact they're treated more grown up than before. Just be there to listen whenever they need it because there will be issues with schoolwork, teachers, bullying, social media, friendships (especially if they're girls). Enjoy watching them become more independent and turning into amazing young adults. And make the most of it because honestly, it goes so fast, before you know it they're moving out and heading off to Uni.

I just remember how ready DS was for high school in year 6. Primary school suddenly feels very young. DS loved school but by year 6 was getting bored, and so ready to be stretched.

Another thing not to be underestimated is the tiredness, my kids have been in childcare since babies and we never had the issues other parents talk of starting primary. They started primary doing wraparound care and still had energy for extra curriculars. But my eldest really felt the difference going to high school, I'm sure it was partly mentally, but also the sheer amount of walking I reckon, no longer restricted to one classroom and having to walking between all their classes etc (and this is a kid who does lots of sports!)

Thankfully our school provides cooking ingredients, although we did have tears one week when he forgot a container so couldn't bring the cooking home! (He's never forgotten since!)

I came on here to say the same as digishallow - be prepared for them to be TIRED at first. It takes at least a term or two for them to get used to it all and settle into the routine. Grappling with all the new stuff (academic, organisational, social) is exhausting for them.

Seems to me like a good idea to let them spend their weekend time doing basically nothing, if that's what they need to do - just chilling and recuperating. Rather than ushering them out the door to a series of activities.

Ensuring they have a space to work at home if they don’t already.
I definitely helped mine with organising and reminding at first whist she got settled.
Don’t buy an expensive school bag. See what they want after a few weeks. It’s very school specific. One school nr here all the girls use a handbag style whereas at DDs school no one did.

Oh - the expense! Our children's secondary schools started tapping us up for money in by the May/June BEFORE they started Y7. Requests for contributions to the new building fund, PTA, Y7 residential trip deposits...
Total costs for uniform, sports kit and stationery came to over £300. Then they start school and need extra bits like gum shields.
If your child is sporty, it's worth having more than one set of PE kit, then you can wash it all at the end of the week.
Lunch costs more than primary school.

Probably area specific but school busses here are expensive and pay yearly or monthly. Some get fully booked no places available. You need to contact County Council if you want a pass.
Lots of parents are shocked at cost around here and opt to drive them or public bus instead.

One of the things I noticed about secondary (2 different schools) was the fact that they didn't chase up permission forms for trips etc. If forms hadn't been returned then they stayed in school. I'm sure that information about visits, events etc comes out electronically now but it's worth getting your child used to handing over anything that's paper or reminding you to fill something out.

@Iwantacampervan yeah it's all electronic now, I even get sent messages if he has left homework to the night before the deadline! Very different to when I was in school, my parents wouldn't have had a scooby (nor did teachers care so long as it was in on time!)

Set the dinner money account to auto-topup so you’re not getting text messages from your child asking you to put money on their card so they can pay for their lunch.

My youngest is half way through year 8 so her intake year for year 7 was the dreaded covid stragglers. Expect year 7 to be hell on Earth and when it isn’t, you can be pleasantly surprised.

I wish I had realised we had moved into a grammar school area before we put down roots that couldn't be pulled up. But I suspect that's not why you mean!

Be prepared for friendship dramas. Don't get too attached to/terrified by the friends they make in year 7- it will probably be all different in year 8.

@BeanCounterBabe can I ask what school have done to deal with it out of interest?

Have you spoken to the SENCo about transition? For Y6s with ASD we do things like additional visits e.g. an evening tour of the school when it's quiet, a chance to meet the form teacher, a chance to shadow a Y7 (usually with similar SEN) for a day- as well as the transition everyone does.

If possible, have a plan with him for "if things go wrong"- e.g. if he's late out of lessons and misses the bus etc, where should he go? This will likely be his form tutor or SENCo.

Is there a quiet/sensory space he can use at break/lunch if needed? If sensory issues are a big thing, ask if he can leave lessons a little early to avoid (some of) the crush in the corridors and a fast pass for the lunch queue. If uniform is likely to be an issue, speak to the SENCo too.

I would try to speak to his form tutor early on- if they are good, then they can support issues with other teachers and be an advocate. Sometimes the SENCo is too busy.

In my secondary school, if he had more significant challenges, he would spend Y7 in a "nurture group". This group have all their lessons together in a smaller class, with a TA as well (usually the same TA all day who can help them get from lesson to lesson). This helps with transition too.

He won't be the first student with ASD at the school (I know all students with ASD are different) and even if he has significant challenges, he won't be the first student with significant challenges at the school (unless it is very new). The vast majority of secondary schools will really want to support and make transition a success.