What do you wish you'd known or done before your children started secondary school?

[coodawoodashooda]

We have more than a year to go but am starting to panic. Any tips?

"I think it’s helpful to prepare them for issues like, what to do if someone shows you porn, what to do if someone is horrible to you, what to do if you have no one to sit with at lunchtime"

What do you do for each of these things?

My thing with DD was making sure she knew what to do if something went wrong.

We practiced taking the bus from home to school and back but we also talked about what to do if she missed her stop or got off at the wrong place; what to do if she missed the bus/it didn't turn up/was late; what to do if she got the wrong bus etc so she didn't panic in the moment.

I also got her to familiarise herself with how to get to various places from school - eg town, home and my workplace, her dad's house and his workplace, doctors, dentist etc - so that she was familiar with all the routes before she needed to use them. I also got her to familiarise herself with safe places on the route home - so if she felt unsafe walking home at 6pm on a winter evening because it was dark and she thought she was being followed, for example, she knew where the nearest shop/cafe etc were for her to be able to go in and wait after she called me/her dad/another friend or family member to meet her.

DD gets home from school before I get home from work and so we have contingencies for if there is an issue - if she loses or forgets her key, we have a hidden key safe which she knows the code to open; if she can't get in what should she do (I once accidentally left the key in the back of the front door as I needed to bring the bins in so went out of the back door instead, so when DD came home she couldn't unlock the front door from the outside and she didn't have a back door key); if something happens when she's home alone, who to phone/where to go etc

This is a good one. There are a couple of years where they are too old for holiday clubs but not really old enough to be left at home alone for days on end.

And let them make some mistakes in Year 6 where it's a safe environment to learn that there are consequences. I had to sit on my hands to let DC occasionally forget homework (rather than nagging/reminding), miss items of sports equipment or forget their snack.
It sounds horrible but it's the only way they learn to plan ahead, get organised and make themselves lists.

Things that have helped for us: *Concertina files for each of them labelled for all their books.
*Homework done after supper
*Get everything done the night before so that it's relaxed in the morning.
*Bus: they don't manage to get a seat in the morning so we drive them (different schools in different towns but it's just doable). This makes for a less stressful morning s and a chance for a chat during the 45 min journey.
*make sure you're aware of all the different apps and passwords etc for all the revision/homework systems.

Also both of them have £20 in their bags in a tiny pocket - strictly for emergencies only, eg taxi fare (never been used yet and DS1 is Y10)

Buy a printer and plenty of ink. Makes many kinds of homework much easier.

I have suspicions about my DD but school don’t think she has a problem. She’s doing well, has friends, makes eye contact etc etc. it’s just the tantrums at home but I don’t know if it’s just her emotions and puberty.

can I ask in what way you noticed she had autism in year 7? What changed? Thanks.

That year 7 is awful and that they need lots of support with homework as they aren't mature enough.

I managed by taking one or two days holiday midweek for any weeks without bank holidays or long weekend scout camp or similar. One week DS was at Scout summer camp which helped. We went away one week. The rest of the time I split my holiday up as best I could.

We have found year 7 pretty awful for DS so far, but we expected it as he has learning differences (dyslexia and dyspraxia) and the teachers largely haven't read the information that has been sent round multiple times. Its very large and impersonal whereas he knew all the staff at Junior school and was a prefect etc. I would say if you suspect SEN get it diagnosed at primary as I'm not sure any of DS's teachers could write anything meaningful about his concentration in class etc, no work seems to be marked at all so no idea how they would respond to any request for input for any sort of assessment.

I think the key thing apart from organisation and getting them more independent was getting him to understand that in such a big chaotic environment he will inevitably end up in trouble for things he didn't do, and its not a big deal, you just have to accept it isn't fair and move on. Getting uniform infraction points also not a big deal - he did practice tying a tie and I did a huge amount of research to find school shoes that met the ridiculous school requirements and didn't have laces but didn't look babyish.

The other thing I remember about the younger secondary years is the horror of food tech. Them telling you at 10pm they need ingredients for a Thai chicken curry the following day.

Keep lots of little plastic pots so they can take weeny amounts of ingredients in without them leaking all over their bag.

Keep note of all the bastard passwords for the apps/logins etc - for you and the kids!

Not a day goes by without someone asking me for the login to the random thing they needed once 15 terms ago 🙄

The first half term will see new friendship emerge and old ones possibly reduce. It is also the biggest learning experience for organising their days; getting bag correctly packed, doing homework on time, getting to lessons on time, remembering to take PE kit etc

If they get a locker - get a copy of the key done as they will probably mislay or lose it. Speaks from experience 🙄

They amount of uniform that is lost is year 7 is ridiculous. It generally turns up, but not very quickly.

If the school runs a fingerprint system for buying food, give your child a daily or weekly budget. My son treated it as an opportunity to buy anything and everything for him and his friends!!

Start saving, post COVID, school trips are back on. Currently my child has had the opportunity to go on 4 trips (over year 7 and year 8), these would total £2.7K if he chose to do all 4.

Emergency money in their bag. Enough to buy food and get home if needed.

Practice runs getting to school using different routes (If that applies). Mine can travel by bus or train, so important they can use both.

Passwords to every app/system they use. My dc was set up with email at school on day 1 and allowed to chose own password, which he promptly forgot by the time he got home.

Big chat about social media, appropriateness of messages etc

Get them a mobile phone and add Life360 to it!

@PalindromemordnilaP

For bullying - speak to form teacher/head of year in first instance.
For friends - join the clubs that interest her. Her tribe will be here, it’s common ground. There are plenty of clubs and activities on in year 7 ime.
For pace of work-speak to the subject teacher if struggling. There will be a broad spectrum of children in each class (unless they are streamed early on), and the teachers teach across all levels, ie - when maths work is given out. One sheet given to everyone and those who finish quickly, get another sheet to do and those who don’t finish as quick carry on with the original sheet, some finish the sheet in the lesson and those who don’t have to finish it for homework. The teacher general knows who finishes and who struggles. There is often a homework club, so could possibly try that for additional help as it is teacher supervised.

Marking place

@Rockingcloggs
It moves from very physical (thinking about very small children here, not Y6!) to very emotional support. And acting as a taxi service - well, for socialite DS1 at any rate. So, I guess emotional and logistics support these days.

Get one of those concertina folders, label each pocket with a subject and use it to keep books in. Get child to keep a note when book taken in and put it in folder - saves 2 hours on a Sunday night searching for a book that teacher has.
Label every item of clothing that might be removed. They will find there way back eventually if you do.
Don't take anything of any value into school. It will get lost/broken.
Don't worry. Teachers do transition every year and are used to unorganised year 7s.
Oh and teach them to write an email that doesn't start 'Mrs'. Communicating with teachers by email is a usual thing and a polite one goes down much better.
They will get things wrong, and that's ok.

Let them fail just a little bit. We resisted checking homework apps and timetables. Forgetting the odd bit of equipment or homework and getting a low key consequence is the best way for them to learn to be organised. Nothing matters that much in Y7, so it's a good time to promote independence. Will serve you well as your kids move through the school.

The exception that proves the rule is food tech. Mark this one on your own calendar so you're getting the ingredients in your regular shop, rather than dashing to the Tesco Express at 8pm the night before.

Unable to cope with the amount of noise and the amount of people. Totally breaks down at home. Has started stimming. Has been unable to go to school at times due to her total sensory overwhelm. Complete character change. GP has referred her for autism assessment. Had a CAHMS emergency appointment who said that her behaviour all pointed to autism.

It’s really fucking expensive.
laptops
phones (needed for the apps, and they need to be fairly new to work with the apps).
PE kit
Uniform
lost uniform

set money aside. to get them fitted out is £££

for:

• technical equipment (laptop/tablet purchase or hire)
• class trips
• first set of uniform & replacements as dc grows or items gets damaged
• shoes (my dc have to have trainers for inside, outside & trail)
• phone & top ups

Thanks. Food tech tip. Hadn't thought at all.

Keep a stock of stationary items at home and a spare calculator . At the start of each week, or Sunday night, get child to check their pencil case for pens, pencils, ruler, protractor, compass, rubber, sharpener, glue stick. You can top up with no issue or last minute panics. Get a spare tie and two of each sports kit item if you can too. None of this is really for their benefit but yours...neither of mine are Uber confident or happy at school and catastrophise what is going to happen if they don't have X item. Knowing I can solve most issues and avert a crisis makes my life far less stressful. They still have to be responsible for checking, so I'm not totally doing it for them and I am gradually stepping back but don't get too caught up with what they "should" be doing. All kids are different. I teach secondary and there's a massive variation in what support they need.

@BibbleandSqwauk I have a 'drop in' drawer and my tutor group can borrow any item they have forgotten. They are v good at putting things back as they know they might need it again next week. Saves so much angst, and weirdly seems to help them become more organised as they know I've bought the stuff myself and so take good care of it.
I've never forgotten the Pencil poem.

@mumsneedwine yeah I do that with my tutor group too. I see my role there as always trying to have their back and be that teacher that is on their side, even if they have got it wrong. I know other PPS have talked about learning independence etc and of course that's hugely important but I think sometimes we are in too much of a hurry to insist they must be able to do X.