What do you wish you'd known or done before your children started secondary school?

[coodawoodashooda]

We have more than a year to go but am starting to panic. Any tips?

I wish I'd known how much fun it was going to be listening to 'them talk about all the goings on and gossip at school! What all the different teachers are like. Who is strict, who is fun and who is a bit nutty. All the gossip about the classmates. Who likes who. Who has fallen out with who etc. Can you tell I lead a very boring life

I wish I'd know how freeing it is having so very little to do with the school? No more world book day bollocks. No more PTA pleading with you to man a stall or bake some cakes. No school run dramas second guessing who was going to say hello and who was in ignoring mode today. No CFs lurking at the gates looking for their holiday play date victims. I 'heart' secondary school.

My DS goes to high school next year too and he will have turned 11 only days before.
I'm going to stick my head back in the sand for now. He's still so young! (But growing up fast) 🙈

Mine is in year 6 so off to comp in September. I'm frightened of feeling redundant- please tell me what you mean by 'needing me in a different way'?

I think that if you're worrying now, then your DC will be fine as you'll have thought things through and put in the ground work
DC1 is now Yr8 and DC2 is Yr6 and joining DC1 at the same secondary school. Things we did before joining

• sorted out a phone
• sorted out a bank card (Go Henry type thing)
• walked various routes from the school to various points in the town like the dentist, doctor, supermarket & other places I might meet them
• practised going to Costa and ordering a drink (which also involved figuring out what she might like to drink)
• got the bus a few times

A couple of unexpected bonuses for me were:

• a WhatsApp group for those going from DC1's primary to the same secondary which was a chance to ask stupid questions of people you knew rather than the entire school year
• DC1 making a couple of friends quite quickly, me figuring out their mums phone numbers and their mums being really nice and equally worried about what might actually be going on so, if we're told that the plan is to meet in town tomorrow, for example, one of us mums always texts to double check that that is an genuine plan.

I wish I'd known my DD was autistic, secondary school and puberty were a hand grenade I didn't see coming...
For my other DC, practise school journeys ( or any journey) independently.
Get them to take responsibility for bag packing, organisation etc.
Welcome their friends back at yours, pick them up from parties at friends houses etc so you get to know their friends and where they are.
Look out for any withdrawal or low mood .
Keep talking to them.but don't ask too many questions !

This is a great idea for a thread. I have DC1 starting secondary in September.

My main worries are:

-what if she's the victim of bullying.
-what if she struggles to find friends.
-what if she finds the pace of the work too challenging.

Any reassurances on these fronts?

This scares me. I have a withdrawn year 7 child (independent school goes to 13), isn't doing homework currently, very anxious, has one friend.

Secondary school is fab. They change so much in year 7. They become like mini adults, they’re so much fun to converse with. Life gets easier, no more primary school run (or at least picking up one less child from primary). My son is going into year 9 and my daughter is starting this September. I won’t be stressing about homework this time or the odd behaviour point that she might get. It’s only if it becomes a regular pattern that it would be a problem. I’m just going to be a lot more relaxed about the whole thing but then again girls are a different kettle of fish to boys at secondary.

I think it’s helpful to prepare them for issues like, what to do if someone shows you porn, what to do if someone is horrible to you, what to do if you have no one to sit with at lunchtime

Going to an outside activity where there are children from that secondary school can really help - they can explain things and are a friendly face to your dc in the corridor etc. Our Guides (age 10-13) go to a mix of schools. The older ones like sharing and it is reassuring for the little ones.

Nothing. We're good. Although if I think about it, perhaps I could have worried less.

I say nothing but that's in terms of what we shouldn't do. We didn't do nothing, but no regrets about what we chose to do and what we didn't. No whatsapp groups for example.

Buy a multi pack of protractors from Amazon. This was honestly one of the bests bits of advice I received.

They should know how to tie a tie and tie their shoelaces. If they don't, or have velcro shoes, get them learning over the summer.

DS is in year 8. He has probably tied his tie about 4 times 🙄He has it lasso style and just loosens and tightens each day. (And yes it does look awful after months of doing this - he knows what to do he is just incredibly lazy about it!)
He definitely doesn't tie his shoe laces every day either!!

@BertieBotts @sixfoot @TheToothofaPig so happy to read the positives! So many good tips. Consensus seems to be get phone in year 6 so I will do that - DP wasn’t convinced. Lots of good tips here .

That teenagers are just lovely, quirky, interesting, fun and all round wonderful. Our house is full of them from any time from 8am onwards - they pop in to walk to school together but end up chatting to me in the kitchen for ages. I love it.

Appreciate it’s easier said than done but try to hold the line and get them a brick phone for as long as possible. Teacher here and getting to the bottom of and resolving drama that’s arisen from smartphones takes up a shocking amount of time and, more importantly, really distracts youngsters from their learning and what ought to be their relatively carefree childhood. Instead, they are preoccupied by something going on on WhatsApp or wasting this time away scrolling - even in a school with a very strict ‘phones switched off at the bottom of bags’ rule. I mean when the aren’t at school.

We’ve got one of those locked box with a timer for phone-free productivity. My husband needs it most tbh… I need it for snacks!

Good luck with the transition!

What do you say to them about these types of things?

Think about school hols. They’ll be too old for childcare but if you are out 8-6 daily it’s a long time to leave on own. Some get around it by being helpers at sports camps they previously went to - if they are in childcare this summer maybe see if they have helpers and ask if yours can do it next yr.

Eek so excited to read this as my dd goes up in september - she is more than ready to leave year 6!!

Same here with your first sentence. It’s been a nightmare since September.

@Patchworksack we've had the opposite. Term reports. Google classroom so you can see everything. Tests sent home with scores on. Parent ap. teachers email if any issues. Big city comp

Following with interest!

I guess practical stuff like how to use a mobile and bank card, be responsible for a key / locking up, feeding yourself, getting from a-b etc.