To give up a secure council tenancy even though I can’t really afford to

[casperz]

Due to the fact that as an autistic woman going through peri menopause and struggling massively with my mental health I cannot stand the level of noise from the neighbours and their children and the anti social behaviour. It’s sensory hell living here and I can never fully relax which is making my anxiety worse. I was on antidepressants which I only started on since moving here a couple of years back but I came off them when i started HRT. Ideally I don’t want to go back on them as they made me feel like a a zombie but at the same time I can’t cope feeling on edge from hearing the constant screams (actual screams not just kids having fun) of the feral kids running amuck in the street, banging their footballs off neighbours fences and cars including my own, neighbours getting drunk ending up fighting and smashing their house up, smelling weed in my house as the neighbours smoke inside instead of outside.

Our rent is currently £450 a months and if we were to move into private rented we’d be looking at least £1000 a month. We can’t really afford this as I can only work part time (husband is full time) as our youngest dc is autistic and needs one of us around but I’m that desperate that I’m
actual willing to work nights or get a second job working weekends, missing out on seeing my husband, so that we can afford a house in a better area. My husband whilst fully understands my frustration thinks we’d be crazy to give up an affordable and secure council house. AIBU to not care and want to move?

I get what you’re saying about some areas having a bad reputation and it not always being the case but unfortunately in my area it is. My last house was an ex council house on a smaller council estate. It had a bad reputation from years ago but it was actually the best place I’d lived as it was so quiet and my neighbours were lovely as were their kids.

Could you downsize? If so it'd make finding a swap in a better area much easier. I downsized from a 3 bed house in an urban area (noisy neighbours/ anti social behaviour etc) to a 2 bed bungalow in a beautiful hamlet, and the silence here is divine.
It took me about a year to find a swap, and this property is a lot smaller than our previous property. But downsizing was absolutely worth it.

OP I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. FWIW I lived in a house I owned, in an affluent area, with god awful neighbours. A drunk at the back who held discos in the shed backing onto our fence (full lights and speakers - he was literally a DJ in a previous life etc) and it was like being IN a disco in my bedroom. Then next door (semi) was a neighbour on the same night playing her own music and shagging her boyfriend so loud it was like being in the same room. This happened most bank holidays. During covid I couldn’t find a room in my house quiet enough to make work phone calls as next door played her music so loud (the same bastard soundtrack, I could anticipate what song was next).

Neighbour opposite used to have the same complaints but he had become deaf with old age so had found it got easier with time… of course!

anyway, I digress. I just wanted you to know I understand. I have some sensory sensitivities but not ASD so I can only imagine that makes it all the less tolerable.

But, given you and your DH’s age and financial situ I wouldn’t consider moving, practically how are you going to pay your rent when you’re looking to retire?

Sorry to hear about you troubles would any sound proofing on walls help? Or some window sealing to keep outside noise down?
Seems risky to me giving up the house.

To be honest I would move although I know everyone else on here says not to.
Alternative is carrying on and asking the council to move you. It leaves your house spare for them so they are not really losing out.
I think it is important to be happy where you live. We moved to a quieter area and gave up cheap rent! We pay a lot more but we knew we would have to sacrifice other things to pay it.
I would much prefer to bring my children up in a nice quieter area and go without other things so we can do so.

When I rented before I paid 600 and lived next to a prostitute and a loud mouthed woman with dogs that barked all the time.
We now pay 1200, go on holiday every other year and live somewhere nice. I can sit on the garden whereas I couldn't before.
Life is too short to live somewhere you hate. I always knew o would continue working so knew we could afford the rent.

Get the second top up job. Invest in soundproofing plasterboard and block them off. If you have bookshelves try and put them on the shared walls in the meantime.

Save your cash and take holidays somewhere peaceful.

In the meantime, track the noise and register it. Ironically if you continue to make as much fuss as possible you will get further.

It sounds very much like where I live @UnfinishedUserna My anxiety flares up when I drive onto my street especially when I see groups of kids hanging about opposite my house or I see groups of adults drinking on the front. Both of my next door neighbours don’t ever seem to leave their houses eg work or to take their kids anywhere. In the holidays I’ll take my dc out as much as I can afford mostly so they can have fun but also so I can get away from all the noise but sometimes all I want to do is stop in and relax in my own home but it’s impossible.

I can sympathise. I live in social housing and the walls are very very thin. I have misophonia and my psychiatrist think I'm on the autism spectrum, but I've never had the full adult autistic test so I can't say I am autistic iyswim.

There's a constant state of alertness I live in, forever trying to ignore the sounds from next door but in trying to ignore them, it becomes even more noticeable.

Even when they're silent, my ears are still attuned and just waiting for the next bang, this, scream, door slam, dog bark etc.

People that don't know what it's like, maybe don't appreciate the rattling of nerves that comes with the near constant barrage.

Imagine, if you will, when ever you're sat quietly, someone let's an air horn off... Then tells you they'll be letting air horns off several times a day, you won't know when, but it's coming.
That might give a sense of what it's like.. for me anyway.. op sounds similar.

In saying all that, and after a great deal of mental health help, I've come to the conclusion that it's better for me to manage my exposure and reaction than to move house or try to control others.

So, lots of walks out onto the peace of the country, earbuds connected to TV, earbuds & white noise for sleeping, windows constantly open for ambient noise of traffic and wind etc.

The most helpful has been the earbuds. I buy specific ones by Panasonic called ErgoFit, they're shaped to fill the ear canal so they keep noise out like earplugs, they're relatively cheap and comfortable. (Probably wouldn't win any awards from audiophiles mind you)

Ultimately though, what you really need to consider is your quality of life... If it really isn't of.much quality, and moving would help, well.. you got your answer. You could always ask your landlord or local social landlords etc if they've a property.

You need to call the police for the fighting and then report to the housing.

It sounds tough it really does. My opinion is NO I wouldn't give up HA property to go and pay £1000 sorry but that's a crazy price difference.
Could you work nights and sleep in the day perhaps?

This is so true. Quality of life is important. We chose to go without certain things such as nice holidays and eating out so we can live somewhere decent.

I get your distress but I really don't know what to advise. You're talking about an extra £500pcm difference aren't you. I'm trying to think outside the box. Could you use the potential rent difference to soundproof your home?

These are brilliant and connect via Bluetooth to iPads/ TV etc. we got them when we had 6mths of Next doors building work but use them all the time (also got autistics folk in the house so completely understand the issue) https://www.amazon.co.uk/Soundcore-Bluetooth-Headphones-Cancellation-Playtime-Black/dp/B07NM3RSRQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?adgrpid=54802863242&hvadid=578451134545&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=1006709&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=14851525137081970999&hvtargid=kwd-463336823269&hydadcr=7779_2232342&keywords=soundcore+headphones&qid=1680552769&sr=8-3

The problem is that you would be swapping the stress of all the noise for other stresses - insecurity of private renting, the stress of dealing with landlords and estate agents, the increased rent costs, working an extra job, and less family time.

Also consider the availability of private rentals near your dc's specialist school - if your landlord sold up, how easily would you find somewhere else? And are you "good" tenants in the eyes of a landlord who might have dozens of applicants? Many people are really struggling to find somewhere to rent. A landlord may prefer somebody without a child, or who has a higher salary.

If you couldn't find somewhere, you would be back on the council list, but probably in worse housing than you are now.

It sounds like the noise hugely impacts you, but that private renting could have really significant negative impacts for both you and your whole family, so unfortunately I do think you would be unreasonable to give up a council tenancy for private renting.

I get it OP.. I have auditory processing disorder, too...noises can be overwhelming. After a day at work, I need to have quiet space.

I live in a council property, have done for 35 years...our worst neighbours were all owner occupiers, not tenants. Tenants can be evicted, and owners view themselves as untouchable. My closest friend has been harassed and stalked by her ex neighbour.. Both lived in large detached houses, all professional firmly upper middle class types. Money doesn't stop people from being arseholes! Don't give up the tenancy. Keep looking at a move, even out of areas. Good luck..

I really sympathise OP, I have bad neighbours and it sometimes feels like the stress is more than I can take.

Even when they’re quiet I’m on edge expecting it to start again, I sleep in earplugs and have to have background music on constantly to have any chance of relaxing. My stomach churns when I come home and see a car parked at their house as they’re always worse when they have friends over.

I own my house and live in what would be seen as a very nice area so it really can happen anywhere and I’d be very wary of that before making a decision.

I privately rent and would give my right arm for a secure tenancy. I get that it seems shit now but privately renting is horrible. It really is.

My landlord in awful- doesn’t fix stuff when he says he will, sends shoddy contractors who leave a mess, it’s dreadful. My rent has gone up a huge amount over the last 3 years and I’m struggling to afford it. At the same time, finding somewhere else, and paying a new deposit etc all costs money I don’t have. So I’m stuck really.

I would keep complaining to the council. They do have power and can use it if you make enough fuss.

Oh man
really tough
i get its totally sensory hell

but you arnt young and you don’t have savings

I’m sorry but I’d spend money on everything possible to try and survive there tbh

Thanks for your post @24KaratCucumber What you have described is exactly how I feel. I want to be ok with the noise eg my neighbours loud the but instead I try and avoid it eg music, tv but sometimes I can still hear it. I don’t know why it makes me so anxious as I work with children so my work life is noisy yet it doesn’t brother me one bit at work and if I take my ds out say to a trampoline park where there are lots of people the noise doesn’t bother me then either yet at home it’s like i’m on high alert and even when it’s quiet (rare) I know it won’t last long and i find myself feeling anxious as I’ waiting for the noise to start. I’ve tried ear buds but I can’t tolerate the feeling of them in my ear eg the fullness and my over head ear phones aren’t good at all. I just don’t know what to do to make myself be ok with all of this as like many posters have said my neighbours aren’t going to change and unless I move I need to somehow come to terms with this and learn how to handle the noise.

For those of you who have suggested soundproofing do you know how I’d go about doing this? I’ve just had a quick look online and the cost of getting a firm in to do it for us isn’t affordable unfortunately so it would have to be a DIY job but I’ve no idea wheee to start and sadly although my husband is a dab hand at gardening and assembling furniture he’s hopeless like me when it comes to complex DIY but we’d be willing to give it a go.

It sounds like hell. Although giving up the tenancy sounds like a bad idea. I'd keep trying to swap. Is there any way of soundproofing the adjoining walls?

I'd Google DIY soundproofing. See what's on YouTube. I found this. It's a start.

https://www.everest.co.uk/windows/noise-reduction-window/how-to-soundproof-room/

I swapped my council house for another. You say you’re on the swappers site but no one is getting in touch. That is because the majority of people are being as passive as you are. It took me an entire year of actively pursuing leads, negotiating multi swaps, taxiing non drivers to my house to view, looking for a suitable swap for someone else so I could have her house. That didn’t work either as when I found her her dream home, she changed her mind.
I found my home by knocking on the door of someone who hadn’t responded to my enquiry. She let me in to view, I loved her house even though it was very run down and painted black and purple. She had never considered living in my rural area, but came out and decided she loved the idea, and then we swapped.
Having a council property is like winning the lottery. Private renting is like throwing yourselves to the wolves. Make your win work for you and move away from your nightmare neighbours.

How about this - think about who would want your house? I bet another family who let their children play in the street and want a family environment would! So on your house share site say that your street is ideal for big families whose children want to play outside with lots of their friends in a safe street. Say things about fun neighbourhood with lots of kids playing out in the street in a safe environment. Say lots of good things about your garden and summer barbecues etc etc.

Who would swap with you? A family who are in a flat without a garden whose kids want to play out? Could you bear to swap with someone with a flat on a main road for example. You would hear traffic but no noisy kids.

I think I'd be honest and say that because of autism and noise sensitivity you are willing to swap your house for somewhere quiet even if it is smaller.

Good luck I hope it works out.

I completely get how you feel.
Home is where you should be able to feel safe and recover from the noises of the day.

I don’t know if moving would be a bad or a good idea, so I’m making no comment there, but as a small help have you tried an air purifier?
It probably won’t help massively, but the white noise of it might cover some outside noise and also clear some of the weed smell too, which might make you feel better.

DS has a little one in his room which he can’t sleep without, but I also have a massive one which is pretty loud (but in a good way for us) and removes smells.

I hope things improve for you soon.

Are you kidding