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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and his bloody running

54 replies

SpaghettifingerFusillitoe · 02/04/2023 16:12

Our DC is 2 and a great napper. Today napped for 3h. DH had his lunch and a nap himself during this time, I was in the garden. He has been saying several times in the morning ‘I’m going for a run later’.

He pops down in his running gear to tell me he’s off as DC has awoken thus waking him from his nap. I commented I’d prefer if he didn’t wait until they awoke to disappear and now he’s got all sniffy that I ‘never told him’ he had to run while they were napping, which no, I didn’t. I just assumed he would. Not the first time it’s happened, aibu to go for a run myself bang on bedtime because he hasn’t told me that’s rather unhelpful…

OP posts:
Getthefiregoing · 02/04/2023 16:15

All sounds about petty to me. You both have it sweet that your toddler naps for so long. That's amazing downtime for both of you. Your husband had lunch and a nap during that time which he's entitled to do. Communicate with each other better and you won't have this problem.

Buy a running buggy and after his nap your husband can take him a run to the park.

takealettermsjones · 02/04/2023 16:17

If it was a one off, then I'd be bemused and let it go. If he does this all the time to get out of pulling his weight and you don't get equal child-free time, then YANBU and you should definitely bugger off at bedtime, as many times as it takes for the message to sink in!

Original poster
SpaghettifingerFusillitoe · 02/04/2023 16:22

Yes the running route is along a river half an hour away. Plenty of people run in the large wooded park near our home but his run must be there. I guess I’d just like him to be a bit more flexible about it. I don’t think he should need five hours of child free time to fit a run in, which is what he’s essentially got now.

OP posts:
Botw1 · 02/04/2023 16:40

Absolutely go for a run at bedtime.

Why wouldnt you?

DustyLee123 · 02/04/2023 16:42

He should have run, then had lunch. He’s a knob to go out as baby wakes up, but it’s not surprising.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/04/2023 16:42

Yes go for a nice long run at your convenience later.

Avarua2 · 02/04/2023 16:43

Start making it. a regular thing, a run at bedtime. See how he likes those apples.

Albiboba · 02/04/2023 16:44

I dunno, it just seems a bit petty imo. You’re counting up that he apparently had 5 free hours but you still had 3! Do you never do anything for yourself?
Being confined to nap time to do something when there’s another parent is a bit crazy Imo.

Why would it be so unreasonable for you to go out at bed time? You have a 2 year old, have you never done something at 7pm throughout the last 2 years?

DustyLee123 · 02/04/2023 16:44

What is it with men and their hobbies, using it as an excuse to drop out of family life 🤔
If he’s anything like mine he will be awake enough to sink a bootle of wine later and stay up late.

CrumpetsandJammmm · 02/04/2023 16:47

God yes, DH always managed to go for his long walk at the most inconvenient time of the day. And then try to say that didn’t count as any part of his “me” time, and then take a few hours off in the afternoon too…

It’s probably partly my fault. I could walk or run too, and should start taking myself off to do stuff at the time I want to, not the most convenient time during the day.

linewithoutahook · 02/04/2023 16:48

When my DC were small we had a rule that if the other one was exercising we would facilitate that without complaint.

We both absolutely benefited from it. It meant a) we could each get out of doing bedtime regularly and b) we were motivated to go to the gym for for a run regularly.

So yes I'd just beat him at this own game. Honestly it did save our sanity when the kids were small.

Original poster
SpaghettifingerFusillitoe · 02/04/2023 16:48

@Albiboba I do stuff for myself but unless it’s a scheduled class I tend to wait for a window to fit it around family- like when they’re settled and not kicking off. I suppose I could just stop doing that. My hobbies are more done within the home but I could take them out

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 02/04/2023 16:49

Go out for bed and bath time

Original poster
SpaghettifingerFusillitoe · 02/04/2023 16:55

@linewithoutahook thats a nice rule, I might suggest that. I think I need a hobby that gets me out the house

OP posts:
Natty13 · 02/04/2023 16:55

If you want to go for a run round bedtime then do it. Why would your only reason to do this be to stick a finger up to your husband? I run ultras. Often I'll be out for a training run or a swim over bedtime or in the morning and my DH has to get kids ready for bed or school alone. He has a sport he mainly does at weekends but some weeknights he will go to a training session or game then it's me doing dinner and bedtime alone. Doesn't occur to either of us to martyr ourselves about parenting alone because we both support each others hobbies. It's only a problem if you don't make time for yourself or if your husband doesn't want to take over parenting to let you have equal hobby time.

Waydown · 02/04/2023 17:00

I always ran at bedtime. Three time a week, leaving DH to enjoy quality time without my interference with the DC he loved. It never caused any problems. Do it if you want to but don't use DC to get at DH.

AnnaKorine · 02/04/2023 17:01

There’s a difference between not supporting each other’s hobbies and not going for a run at a convenient time. He could have gone during the nap, agreed!

Waydown · 02/04/2023 17:02

Have a look at the difference between a 50 yo man who exercises regularly and one who doesn't and decide which one you'd rather sleep with 🤣

Original poster
SpaghettifingerFusillitoe · 02/04/2023 17:11

I knit and he complains if I do it too much in the evenings. He says his running is imperative for his health but if he’s ever pissed off with the knitting it’s ‘just a hobby’ which I guess feels a bit imbalanced. He’s obv not a professional runner!

@Waydown I’m not sure running an hour earlier at the weekend is going to condemn him to obesity

OP posts:
Botw1 · 02/04/2023 17:16

@SpaghettifingerFusillitoe

He complains you knit?!

Callmenat · 02/04/2023 17:18

Stop moaning and let him go for a run. Hardly the end of the world. Jesus.

Original poster
SpaghettifingerFusillitoe · 02/04/2023 17:20

@Botw1 if I knit every eve he says I’m not paying him enough attention/listening to him. I obv can’t do it at work so I do it on the sofa. Also if I need the light on he finds that annoying (it is bright) but if I go into the study he doesn’t like being alone. Obv knitting is a longer time investment than running- I couldn’t really do it in 2hrs e.o day like he fits his running in, I’d rather just knit in front of the tv on and off.

OP posts:
fellrunner85 · 02/04/2023 17:21

No need for all this drama and one-upmanship. Just get your kit on and go for a run this evening if you want to, leaving him to do bath and bed.

DH and I both run marathons and did so throughout the baby and toddler years. It can work if you want it to - it just means being supportive instead of trying to score points off each other.

I don't understand the "five hours" thing either. In your shoes I'd be happy that me and DH got three hours of quiet time together which we could use to rest/nap/whatever, rather than this odd tallying-it-up you've done where you've added your DC's three hour nap onto DH's two-hour run and used it to formulate some sort of five-hour injustice. Talk about petty.
It's a lovely evening; get your kit on and be ready to go the minute he gets back.

Original poster
SpaghettifingerFusillitoe · 02/04/2023 17:21

@Callmenat I would t be gardening if I thought it was the end of the world, what would be the point?

OP posts:
Precipitate · 02/04/2023 17:22

So his half an hour run takes 90mins? He's taking the piss. Never mind the fuel used getting there.

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