DH and his bloody running

[SpaghettifingerFusillitoe]

Our DC is 2 and a great napper. Today napped for 3h. DH had his lunch and a nap himself during this time, I was in the garden. He has been saying several times in the morning ‘I’m going for a run later’.

He pops down in his running gear to tell me he’s off as DC has awoken thus waking him from his nap. I commented I’d prefer if he didn’t wait until they awoke to disappear and now he’s got all sniffy that I ‘never told him’ he had to run while they were napping, which no, I didn’t. I just assumed he would. Not the first time it’s happened, aibu to go for a run myself bang on bedtime because he hasn’t told me that’s rather unhelpful…

I could not cope with that level of pathetic neediness.

It's also hugely hypocritical and selfish of him to think his time is more important than yours.

Eugh

How do you put up with that?

So you were in the garden - weeding/working, or chilling out?

Think you need to communicate better: 'dh, if you're going to run, please run when ds is napping.'

And make sure you have the same leisure time as dh

Go for a run at bath/bed time ans then come home and knit to your hearts content, he sounds selfish, lazy, needy 🤮 and rude.

@piedbeauty I was weeding but also that is my chill :) it was gravel when we moved in and I put beds and a lawn in knowing it’d be work- I’m happy to do it!

That would piss me off!! So he can have his hobbies but when you do yours, you're not paying him attention? Hmm.

He sounds like hard work.

Hard to believe knitting would draw such comment from him🙄.

I think you need to head out for a walk when bed time arrives.

This isn't accidental.

He's suiting himself and doesn't like you remarking on it.

Nip it in the bud because this behaviour only ever gets worse.

You need to push yourself to start walking with a friend at bedtime or at a similar after nap time.

I get you - we weeded today too! Gorgeous day for it. But you're also doing something that's useful for the household...

I think you need a straight talk with your h.

He can cope with not being with op/not being paid attention to when he has a 2 hour nap, then an hours run.

But not while the op is doing something she wants to do

Funny that.

Bollocks to that! My ex was similar to this, I remember being shouted at once for knitting while his TV show was on - I was knitting something for him!

In his eyes, you and your silly hobbies are basically not as important and meaningful as him and his hobbies, and I'm guessing there are probably a lot of other ways that he makes it clear that you are primarily there to facilitate/pay attention to him.

I think I’m gonna try just being a bit more assertive about ‘taking’ time for myself rather than trying to fit it in around everyone else. In fairness I haven’t ever been told I can’t. If he then is a bit ‘Oi that’s annoying’ then I suppose we can have a chat about reciprocal expectations.

For various reasons I’ve only recently returned to work and I think that might be why time has become a bit more of a finite resource.

@SpaghettifingerFusillitoe if I knit every eve he says I’m not paying him enough attention/listening to him.
As with all of these threads the truth is usually buried down the thread!
OP the problem isn’t that your husband wanted to go on a run out of your toddlers nap time, it’s that he’s an asshole who thinks the world revolves around him.

I like to go on full day hikes on my own - 20-30km. Luckily I didn't discover this hobby until my children were all old enough to be home alone for a while, but I still organise my walking around the teens' car pool needs as with three playing on sports teams and nine training sessions plus matches between them each week it would be completely egotistical to bugger off for 6-8 hours without discussing logistics first.

I'm also doing long distance paths in stages - imagine being you and saying without prior discussion "I'm buggering off to exercise for the next six weeks - I'm walking to Spain, have fun sorting the kids. See you when I get back" and being facilitated without complaint...

Obviously my point is this utopian idea only works if neither party takes the piss. The OP's husband is taking the piss or is completely unwilling to engage his brain and be an adult when it comes to being an equal parent.

I cross stitch in the evening in front of the tv, never once has DH complained about it. What does he want you do in the evening? Just sit there and hang on his every word?

He works away a lot and I think he gets used to having that complete autonomy over his free time. He’s tired when he gets back but I don’t think he appreciates that between a job in hospitality and a toddler it’s really bloody draining being constantly called to attend to things… I lack self directed time a bit more than him I think. Obv not his fault what job I do

I think this sounds all a bit petty. I’d just try communicate better about it as it sounds like you assumed he would go while baby napped rather than discussed it with him.

"I'm buggering off to exercise for the next six weeks - I'm walking to Spain, have fun sorting the kids. See you when I get back" and being facilitated without complaint...

I could do this haha. My DH also could but I'm more likely to be put out by it than he would. I was determined not to have kids unless it was with a man I was 1000% certain I could bugger off and leave with his own kids and he'd be able to parent as capable in my absence as I would be able to without him. You have to be really determined not to let anyone take the piss out of you as a woman.

It's bloody annoying and you really must speak to him and sort it out as this sort of resentment can fester for years - I should know!

I remember similar when my first DS was a small baby - I was up feeding him a couple of times a night, exhausted - you know how it is. One Sunday I put him to have a nap in the afternoon and as I was so tired DH said I should have a nap too. How kind, I thought.

A couple of hours later DS woke up, I brought him downstairs to find DH sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine and a fag reading his book. DS was cranky having just woken, but DH announced that as I had had a nice sleep, he was going to have one now - and promptly went to bed for several hours and left me to sort out the baby and cook the tea. Remember - he wasn't up during the night as DS was exclusively breast fed at that time.

He absolutely could not see how unfair it was and would not accept that we had not had equal rest or leisure time. I almost threw his tea at him when he finally emerged as I was putting DS to bed again. And the sad thing is although we are long divorced, I still remember it from time to time and I feel absolutely raging - even now after 37 years! Don't be me!

He can do whatever he wants. You can do whatever he wants. How has your DH become your boss?

You need to do a lot more than try to be a bit more assertive

Can you not see how much of a prick he is being ?

Ah how very convenient that his route is 30 mins away thus adding an hour to his time away.

And he's well aware that you don't have as much free time as he does but he doesn't care. He's being a selfish prick.

He works away a lot and I think he gets used to having that complete autonomy over his free time.

And yet he doesn't even think you shpuld have the autonomy to knit when you want?! Even though that doesn't inconvenience him one tiny bit! He sounds very selfish.

Instead of speaking to your dh why don't you tender opinion from an on-line forum of people who don't know him. Really pathetic tbh. 2 sides to every story as well

@Callmenat I’m not sure you’re gonna like mumsnet.

Could be worse, could be golf or cycling!

Are you the poster that dh unraveled her knitting because he wasn't happy?

Anyway he is a twat. Uneven child free time and fuck off should he dictate when and how much you can knit. Does he have any redeeming qualities?