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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with my friends ignorance over anaphylaxis

64 replies

bagpuss90 · 02/04/2023 09:12

My daughter in law has a severe nut allergy . She’s really careful , she was given something at her friends house yesterday which her friend assured her did not contain nuts. My DIL checked the packaging -all good. Anyway she went into severe anaphylactic shock. Administered her Eli pen. Thank god the ambulance arrived really quickly. She’s still in hospital -but she’s okay. It seems it may have been cross contamination -her friend feels awful. But the main thing is she’s okay. I was telling my friend what happened -and she said my DIL needs to pull herself together and get over this nonsense -her words. She has my grandson to think of. She thinks it’s a phobia -ffs.AIBU to be pissed off with her ignorance ?

OP posts:
sorrynotathome · 02/04/2023 09:15

Many people are ignorant about many things. Rather than being pissed off with her, perhaps you could explain it? She must have heard about the girl who ate the Pret sandwich and died?

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 02/04/2023 09:15

Epi not Eli -sorry 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
bagpuss90 · 02/04/2023 09:17

sorrynotathome
I did explain. . She likened it having a spider thrown at you. I think she confuses it with a panic attack

OP posts:
chezpopbang · 02/04/2023 09:18

I would find this very upsetting too. Ignorance leads to such strange opinions. Like people don't realise that every time you have a reaction it can make it worse next time. So it's not just this event to think about.

Cherryblossoms85 · 02/04/2023 09:19

She's obviously getting a bit confused. Just say potentially fatal allergic reaction. Some people seemingly prefer lots of words to "big" words.

TitoMojito · 02/04/2023 09:19

Bloody hell. I'd never speak to her again tbh. I've got no time for people who don't understand allergies.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 02/04/2023 09:21

Cherryblossoms85
I tried explaining as unpleasant as a panic attack it doesn’t kill you whereas this can

OP posts:
TitoMojito · 02/04/2023 09:21

Also a phobia of what?? Nuts?? Why would anyone have a phobia of nuts?

My3dahliasarebloominlovely · 02/04/2023 09:22

As someone who has allergic reactions to things (not as badly as your poor SIL, thank God) I am incandescent over what your incredibly stupid friend said.

Simonjt · 02/04/2023 09:22

Unfortunately you have to remember that the average person is incredibly stupid.

Xrays · 02/04/2023 09:23

How ignorant of them. I suspect it’s the words “shock” that’s confusing them. If you’ve explained and they’re still that stupid there’s no hope!

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 02/04/2023 09:23

TitoMojito
she thinks it’s all in her mind

OP posts:
stripeypetunias · 02/04/2023 09:24

Your friend is just a bit dim. Infuriating I’m sure. Maybe you can educate her? I hope DIL makes a swift recovery.

TitoMojito · 02/04/2023 09:24

bagpuss90 · 02/04/2023 09:23

TitoMojito
she thinks it’s all in her mind

Yes because she’s an idiot.

Bleachmycloths · 02/04/2023 09:24

Your friend is incredibly stupid and ignorant. Surely everyone knows about the dangers of nut allergies?

GloomySkies · 02/04/2023 09:24

Not knowing is one thing. Nobody knows everything. But being unwilling to listen and learn is quite another thing, and is entirely unreasonable. It sounds as though your friend belongs in the second category.

But tbh I thought it was fairly common knowledge how dangerous some allergies can be.

BellaJuno · 02/04/2023 09:24

Yeah your friend is a bit thick - fine to be not quite sure about how a particular allergy might manifest in someone you’re not close to, but to be so dense when your daughter in law is still in hospital is bonkers - what exactly does she think your DIL should have done differently?!

custardbear · 02/04/2023 09:24

Did you pull her up on this insanity? Doctors don't give out adrenaline for arachnophobia... I'd have a fridge full!
She's ignorant and stupid - I'd tell her so too!

Albiboba · 02/04/2023 09:24

and she said my DIL needs to pull herself together and get over this nonsense -her words. She has my grandson to think of. She thinks it’s a phobia -ffs.AIBU to be pissed off with her ignorance ?

This just sounds so mental, did you not say it’s an allergic reaction? How does she think your DIL is supposed to ‘get over it’??

thegrain · 02/04/2023 09:25

Cherryblossoms85 · 02/04/2023 09:19

She's obviously getting a bit confused. Just say potentially fatal allergic reaction. Some people seemingly prefer lots of words to "big" words.

Yeah try this. Your friend just seems to need a bit of help understanding it.

KnittingNeedles · 02/04/2023 09:26

Some people are just thick.

But if your DIL had pre-packaged food which did not have a nut warning or "may contain traces of", and checked herself, what caused the reaction?

Lindy2 · 02/04/2023 09:26

Your poor DIL.

I'd be pretty blunt and say to her that nuts are poisonous for your DIL and that you poisoned her by not being careful enough. I'd also say you nearly killed her.

The carelessness of a friend that nearly cost her, her life is what she needs to get over. Not a phobia.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 02/04/2023 09:26

I have no clue -sorry 🤷‍♀️😔

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 02/04/2023 09:29

I think that this is partly because so many people have jumped on the food intolerance bandwagon ( and fall off it when faced with something really delicious) . This means that people who have real,, life threatening allergies can be tarred with the same brush.

before anyone piles on me, I say this as someone who has been hospitalised more than once for anaphylactic shock.

in your position I wouldn’t fly off the handle, that’s pointless. When someone confronted me as to why I wouldn’t have a procedure which was said to possibly cause anaphylactic shock, I showed them a picture of someone seriously affected , and pointed out that the swelling is inside your windpipe as well. They were quite apologetic, but more importantly, they understood.

WimpoleHat · 02/04/2023 09:37

She likened it having a spider thrown at you.

The woman’s an idiot! It’s a bit like likening a heart attack to an anxiety episode. She clearly has no idea what she’s talking about.

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