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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH criticising my driving constantly.

72 replies

Fifi1010 · 02/04/2023 02:23

I nearly stopped and booted him out the car today. I've had my licence a number of years never had an accident or speeding ticket. DH has just been convicted for driving without due care & attention he received 4 points and has previously been done for speeding 4 times. He was droning on and on about my stopping distance , slowing for bends the entire drive.

I hold him to drive us home then and he nearly went through a red light as the green arrow was saying left turn and we were heading straight on. He slammed on the brakes then said stupid lights. I told him then to stop criticising my driving as he's terrible at being aware of his surroundings and according to the law I'm a much better driver. He said that might not always be the case and I never want to listen to criticism .

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/04/2023 02:25

Why are you married to this fucking idiot?

Topseyt123 · 02/04/2023 02:30

He sounds like a useless and dangerous driver to me. I wouldn't want to be in a car driven by him as it sounds like he can't even read a set of traffic lights.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2023 02:45

Any comment, stop. Every single time.

echt · 02/04/2023 03:01

Are you driving because he's banned? If so, remind of this every every time.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 02/04/2023 03:18

I stopped driving with my husband in the car, easily done for me as his car is the bigger family car with everything paid for by his employer. It took 3 years for him to notice when he asked me to drive him somewhere, I took great pleasure in telling him no as he is too critical of my driving and I don’t drive with him in the car. Totally oblivious to how rude he can be. Happy to drive anywhere anytime without him though.

BCBird · 02/04/2023 06:09

Tell him.to pipe down or get a taxi

Ihavehadenoughalready · 02/04/2023 06:27

My sympathy. My ex drove scarily and I would have sharp intakes of breath thinking we were about to crash. I was criticized for my involuntary intakes of breath. He was also in a number of "accidents", got a couple speeding tickets, took out a neighbor's mailbox, both rear-ended someone and was rear-ended (I was in the car for that one and although the police assigned the person behind us 100% at fault, it was, I feel, partially because ex did one of those "wait until the last moment to slam on the brakes" stops at a red light turning green and the person behind us just couldn't stop fast enough.

He repeatedly sped up and then SLAMMED on the brakes while we had our several months old baby #1 in the car because he was in a rage at congested traffic. When I reminded him we had a newborn in the car and he cannot unnecessarily slam the brakes like that with me and especially not with our baby, he told me not to tell him how to drive. Later when we had more kids and they whined in the car, he would use the car to silence everybody, by again SLAMMING the car to a stop in the middle of the road, I guess just to get their attention (!?!). I will say on the scale of things his driving only came in at about #5 on the list of things that contributed to the divorce, but everything that did contribute to the divorce could be minimizingly summarized as him being self-important and self-centered.

Sorry got sidetracked. The driving subject was a bit triggering.

He's being quite rich criticizing you when he's the unsafe driver.

PuttingDownRoots · 02/04/2023 06:41

I only drive when DH hasbeen drinking. He admits he is a shit passenger (he doesn't say anything.) He sometimes has a driver for work and hates that too!

Your partner needs to learn to shut up or never have lifts

bozzabollix · 02/04/2023 06:41

I’m currently learning to be a driving instructor and my advanced driving trainer would go to town on his driving (and I’ve learned he’s impossible to argue with!).

That would make me furious. There’s a lot of women out there nervous of driving because their partners criticise continually, and given what freedom driving gives eroding confidence in that is a big thing.

Two words, fuck and off, and if he continues stop the car and ask him to get the fuck out of it.

Personally given all I hear I think driving (or lack of it) is a feminist issue.

TakeMyStrongHand · 02/04/2023 06:51

Just because he is a bad driver doesn't mean he can't complain you are a bad driver, if you are. You may not have speeding tickets because it turns out you drive everywhere slowly and people are ready to self combust in anger around you but you're oblivious.

How is your stopping distance? I see far too many people cm from someone else's bumper with absolutely no idea that they couldn't stop in time.

We can see he is bad from what you've said but we have only your word that you are a good driver and his word that there are some issues.

But still tell him he doesn't have to be your passenger and to piss off.

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 06:55

Regardless of his manner of driving, the things he’s mentioned are important. Just because you don’t have points doesn’t mean that you’re an excellent driver, just that he isn’t. Sometimes when you have been in an accident you learn from it so if his due care was for rear ending someone he’s going to be more aware of how close you are to the car in front. If you are completely honest are you not slowing down for bends or driving too close to the car in front?

pointythings · 02/04/2023 07:45

My late husband did this too. And he didn't even drive. Eventually I just bit his head off every time so it would stop for a few months.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 07:48

Assuming it's your car, I would just stop driving him anywhere.

I rarely ever drive with DH as a passenger for long journeys as he likes to comment on my speed as well - yet he's the only one of us who's had a speeding ticket!

Tell him to shut up, or get out and walk home.

thegrain · 02/04/2023 07:50

Can you both get seperate cars and never be in the car together?

Passthecake30 · 02/04/2023 07:59

If we’re in the car together, I never drive. My dp just can’t keep his mouth shut, pointing out things like “park in there” and “what are you doing?”. I’ve been driving for 25 yrs now, I don’t need his help. He says I “can’t take criticism” - why should I? Every now and then it comes up so I give him feedback on his driving skills..

gloriousmulch · 02/04/2023 08:06

Nobody is obliged to ‘take criticism’. I’d accept someone asking me to change a driving behaviour they felt unsafe with (e.g. speeding or driving too close to the car in front) but anything else and they could
make their own way.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 08:13

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 06:55

Regardless of his manner of driving, the things he’s mentioned are important. Just because you don’t have points doesn’t mean that you’re an excellent driver, just that he isn’t. Sometimes when you have been in an accident you learn from it so if his due care was for rear ending someone he’s going to be more aware of how close you are to the car in front. If you are completely honest are you not slowing down for bends or driving too close to the car in front?

It doesn't matter what he thinks - he's not the driver and OP doesn't have to take criticism from him.

If he doesn't like how she drives, he can find his own way there 🤷‍♀️

Neighneigh · 02/04/2023 08:28

Totally agree with pp who say he can find his own way places. Say you've had enough and will not be driving him anywhere until he stops. Then walk out the room. No discussion.

DilemmaDelilah · 02/04/2023 08:35

I am constantly telling my DH to slow down - I'm sure he finds it very annoying. BUT - where we live there are a lot of 20mph zones and he seems to find it impossible to stick to the speed limit. He has been ticketed for speeding offences and had to do speed awareness training - I have never had a speeding ticket. And the car belongs to me ( we had two cars but got rid of his when he retired) so I don't want to have to deal with a speeding ticket in the future.

QuizzlyBears · 02/04/2023 08:39

Don’t drive him if he’s going to be a dick to you. I’ve chucked more than one person out of my car for ‘helpful’ comments - I al
a safe and confident driver who’s never had an accident. If you think you can do it better, drive or get out.

Ilovechees3 · 02/04/2023 08:46

I made my ex husband sit in the back seat or he could drive.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 08:47

DilemmaDelilah · 02/04/2023 08:35

I am constantly telling my DH to slow down - I'm sure he finds it very annoying. BUT - where we live there are a lot of 20mph zones and he seems to find it impossible to stick to the speed limit. He has been ticketed for speeding offences and had to do speed awareness training - I have never had a speeding ticket. And the car belongs to me ( we had two cars but got rid of his when he retired) so I don't want to have to deal with a speeding ticket in the future.

Why are you letting him drive your car if he can't be trusted to do so responsibly?

pictoosh · 02/04/2023 08:48

I suspect it's a deep ingrained sense of male entitlement behind this. Men get to tell women how to drive you see...even if they're not particularly skilled themselves. It's his penis. It's like a supervisor's badge.

BarrelOfOtters · 02/04/2023 08:55

Mine does the slamming the bakes on thing when he’s pissed off, used to scare and / or annoy the tits off me. I calmly reminded him his beloved dog in the back could get hurt…he’s not done it since. Prick.

you can’t give up driving be because of him….

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 09:01

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 08:13

It doesn't matter what he thinks - he's not the driver and OP doesn't have to take criticism from him.

If he doesn't like how she drives, he can find his own way there 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Of course it matters if their driving isn’t safe. Would you say nothing if your partner was tailgating someone? And everyone saying well let him drive himself, ridiculous, because that works in the reality of a marriage you take two vehicles everywhere. If she is braking late at bends and driving too close to the car in front then she should be told and if your spouse can’t tell you, who can? The way he tells her needs addressing completely and she needs to tell him how he makes her feel but if the OP is honest, is her driving faultless? We don’t know, but most people don’t mention these things as a passenger without cause.