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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH criticising my driving constantly.

72 replies

Fifi1010 · 02/04/2023 02:23

I nearly stopped and booted him out the car today. I've had my licence a number of years never had an accident or speeding ticket. DH has just been convicted for driving without due care & attention he received 4 points and has previously been done for speeding 4 times. He was droning on and on about my stopping distance , slowing for bends the entire drive.

I hold him to drive us home then and he nearly went through a red light as the green arrow was saying left turn and we were heading straight on. He slammed on the brakes then said stupid lights. I told him then to stop criticising my driving as he's terrible at being aware of his surroundings and according to the law I'm a much better driver. He said that might not always be the case and I never want to listen to criticism .

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 09:04

Of course it matters if their driving isn’t safe. Would you say nothing if your partner was tailgating someone?

I wouldn't say anything, no. Passengers who are constantly criticising and commenting are a huge distraction imo.

If you genuinely felt your partner is a dangerous driver, why would you repeatedly get in the car with them in the first place?

TiaraBoo · 02/04/2023 09:04

He sounds like a shit driver and more importantly he’s been proven to be as “DH has just been convicted for driving without due care & attention”
Who would take his advice!

I mean any word he says, I’d say I’ve not been convicted for bad driving. Repeatedly!

At the same time I believe no-one should say they’re a ‘good’ driver, you should always be alert and not complacent.

icanneverthinkofnc · 02/04/2023 09:12

Every comment would receive a 'yes Hyacinth' reply..

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 09:14

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 09:04

Of course it matters if their driving isn’t safe. Would you say nothing if your partner was tailgating someone?

I wouldn't say anything, no. Passengers who are constantly criticising and commenting are a huge distraction imo.

If you genuinely felt your partner is a dangerous driver, why would you repeatedly get in the car with them in the first place?

We’re not talking about a dangerous driver we’re discussing whether it’s reasonable to criticise the driver of the vehicle you’re a passenger in.

And you’re saying that if your partner in life for whatever reason, was driving way too close to the car in front and you wouldn’t say a word? Are you hoping that they spot your white knuckles where you’re gripping the dashboard?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 09:24

@ComeOnNumber100

If we're not about dangerous driving, why are you talking about gripping the dashboard with white knuckles? 🤔

I just wouldn't get in to a car with someone who made me feel that unsafe in the first place.

What I wouldn't do is get in and make comments about how scary or dangerous their driving - because all that's going to do is distract them and potentially make them even more of a risk.

If you think your partner is a risk then you're free to make your own way there 🤷‍♀️

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 09:24

icanneverthinkofnc · 02/04/2023 09:12

Every comment would receive a 'yes Hyacinth' reply..

Minding the pothole!

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 02/04/2023 09:26

Oh just stop the fucking car. I have zero tolerance for this. I think because my Dad was Mr Angry behind a wheel.

pinkpotatoez · 02/04/2023 09:29

No speeding tickets or no car accidents do not mean you're a good driver. I'm sure all the OAPs driving dangerously under the speed limit don't get tickets but they're still shit drivers. You don't get tickets for hesitating at a junction, slamming on your breaks last minute etc. I agree that if you choose not to be the driver you keep your trap shut though.

DilemmaDelilah · 02/04/2023 09:34

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts I continue to let him drive my car because:
It was the agreement when we went down to just one car
He is retired and I am working so he does shopping, tip runs, etc. during the week when I am working
Although he is going over 20 miles per hour we are nearly always going slower than other drivers
He needs to feel useful. There are lots of things he can't do nowadays but he can drive.
He is otherwise a good and confident driver. He doesn't drive over the speed limit on purpose, he is just not very aware of his speed at low speeds. I can usually judge my speed by the sound the engine is making and double check that with the speedo, but he can't do that. The engine sound doesn't register with him.

is that sufficient information? I'm sure I can think of some more reasons if not.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 09:37

@DilemmaDelilah - I was just asking as I wouldn't let someone I felt was dangerous or constantly speeding drive my car 🤷‍♀️

THisbackwithavengeance · 02/04/2023 09:41

I am shocked that more than one DH on this thread purposely and needlessly slams on the brakes as a means to punish or gain the attention of the passengers in the car.

How fucking dangerous and aggressive.

My DH can't drive (disabled) but was a very good driver to be fair. So I am now the permanent designated driver and to be honest I just tune out the instructions and criticism. Or put music on loudly.

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 09:44

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 09:24

@ComeOnNumber100

If we're not about dangerous driving, why are you talking about gripping the dashboard with white knuckles? 🤔

I just wouldn't get in to a car with someone who made me feel that unsafe in the first place.

What I wouldn't do is get in and make comments about how scary or dangerous their driving - because all that's going to do is distract them and potentially make them even more of a risk.

If you think your partner is a risk then you're free to make your own way there 🤷‍♀️

My original reply was this
Of course it matters if their driving isn’t safe. Would you say nothing if your partner was tailgating someone? And everyone saying well let him drive himself, ridiculous, because that works in the reality of a marriage you take two vehicles everywhere. If she is braking late at bends and driving too close to the car in front then she should be told and if your spouse can’t tell you, who can? The way he tells her needs addressing completely and she needs to tell him how he makes her feel but if the OP is honest, is her driving faultless? We don’t know, but most people don’t mention these things as a passenger without cause.
you’ve taken one sentence out of context. My point which seems to be getting missed is that maybe her driving isn’t great. We don’t know though as the OP hasn’t returned.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 02/04/2023 09:48

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 09:01

Of course it matters if their driving isn’t safe. Would you say nothing if your partner was tailgating someone? And everyone saying well let him drive himself, ridiculous, because that works in the reality of a marriage you take two vehicles everywhere. If she is braking late at bends and driving too close to the car in front then she should be told and if your spouse can’t tell you, who can? The way he tells her needs addressing completely and she needs to tell him how he makes her feel but if the OP is honest, is her driving faultless? We don’t know, but most people don’t mention these things as a passenger without cause.

Show quote history

Come off it! Mentioning a woman's driving without cause is a way of life for many men. Motorised mansplaining.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 09:49

@ComeOnNumber100 her driving may not be great, but it's still not the passengers job to comment on it or try and correct it.

If the passenger doesn't approve of the way the car is being driven, they can either keep their opinions to themselves or find their own way around.

Unless you're being paid as a driving instructor, it's incredibly rude and distracting so sit and comment on how someone else is driving - especially when they haven't asked your opinion in the first place!

HangingOver · 02/04/2023 09:49

Sympathies OP - another one here that tries to avoid having DP in the car.

His driving scares the shit out of me but I didn't usually comment unless he was going over 90mph or driving right off of someone's bumper to try to force them out the overtaking lane.

When I started driving in my own car, the boot was suddenly on the other foot because it turns out he's an incredibly nervous passenger.

Like, I'll be pootling along in a 30mph and say there's a tesco van 100m ahead stopping on its hazards to deliver something...he'll grab the oh jesus handle and go "STOP! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!" (always five times in a particular rhythm)... as if I wouldn't have seen the van otherwise. Then straight afterwards he goes, "Sorry! I can't help it". It'd be funny if it didn't make me jump out my bloody skin each time.

It can become a bit of a tit for tat. Yesterday after a long journey where he wanted to drive he said, "Did you notice I stayed at 75? That was all for you". I was like - thanks babe but you don't get parade for not breaking the speed limit.

icanneverthinkofnc · 02/04/2023 09:57

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 09:24

Minding the pothole!

Show quote history

'Mind the pedestrian'
'Where'
'On the pavement'

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 10:01

@icanneverthinkofnc

DH criticising my driving constantly.
ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 10:05

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 02/04/2023 09:48

Come off it! Mentioning a woman's driving without cause is a way of life for many men. Motorised mansplaining.

Show quote history

But we don’t know if it’s without cause, that’s the whole point I’m making. The OP said He was droning on and on about my stopping distance, slowing for bends the entire drive. which unless they tell us to the contrary we don’t know whether they were driving too close and taking bends too fast.

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 10:10

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 09:49

@ComeOnNumber100 her driving may not be great, but it's still not the passengers job to comment on it or try and correct it.

If the passenger doesn't approve of the way the car is being driven, they can either keep their opinions to themselves or find their own way around.

Unless you're being paid as a driving instructor, it's incredibly rude and distracting so sit and comment on how someone else is driving - especially when they haven't asked your opinion in the first place!

I better stop telling my DH when to indicate then.

Derrymum123 · 02/04/2023 10:15

Pull over at next safest place and tell him to get out.
Or pass him the keys and ask him to drive. ( not as good an option)
Can't stand that misogynistic shit some men do when they get in a car with a woman driver.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 02/04/2023 10:19

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 10:05

But we don’t know if it’s without cause, that’s the whole point I’m making. The OP said He was droning on and on about my stopping distance, slowing for bends the entire drive. which unless they tell us to the contrary we don’t know whether they were driving too close and taking bends too fast.

Show quote history

You not having an advanced driving instructor's report on OP's driving (so you can conduct your own criticism of her, which you're clearly dying to do😂) doesn't negate my point.

Huge swathes of men feel entitled to critique women's driving skills. So much so that there's even an engrained national 'joke' about women being unable to park. Despite every underwriter in the land putting literal money on women being, in general, much safer drivers.

Smoky1107 · 02/04/2023 10:23

I make no comment when my husband does this as I don't even acknowledge he's spoken. He's learning to be quiet now!!

Original poster
Fifi1010 · 02/04/2023 10:23

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 10:05

But we don’t know if it’s without cause, that’s the whole point I’m making. The OP said He was droning on and on about my stopping distance, slowing for bends the entire drive. which unless they tell us to the contrary we don’t know whether they were driving too close and taking bends too fast.

Show quote history

I wasn't taking bends too fast in my opinion neither was I tailgating. I drive a Peugeot 108 it's not a Ferrari 🤣 . If I was just a quick comment that's fine, DH droned on for the entire drive about how to improve my driving. I told him to drive back if he could do better and he nearly ran a red light slammed on , then nearly missed a turning multiple times so would turn at the last minute which imo is dangerous. He doesn't plan ahead and his situational awareness needs to improve. The funny thing is I just started laughing as he had just criticised my driving when he nearly ran a red light and was turning at the last second into junctions.

OP posts:
Sugarplumfairy65 · 02/04/2023 10:29

Fifi1010 · 02/04/2023 10:23

I wasn't taking bends too fast in my opinion neither was I tailgating. I drive a Peugeot 108 it's not a Ferrari 🤣 . If I was just a quick comment that's fine, DH droned on for the entire drive about how to improve my driving. I told him to drive back if he could do better and he nearly ran a red light slammed on , then nearly missed a turning multiple times so would turn at the last minute which imo is dangerous. He doesn't plan ahead and his situational awareness needs to improve. The funny thing is I just started laughing as he had just criticised my driving when he nearly ran a red light and was turning at the last second into junctions.

Show quote history

Am I reading this right? You gave him the keys to drive you home when he's lost his license?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 10:30

@Sugarplumfairy65 where does it say he's lost his license?