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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH criticising my driving constantly.

72 replies

Fifi1010 · 02/04/2023 02:23

I nearly stopped and booted him out the car today. I've had my licence a number of years never had an accident or speeding ticket. DH has just been convicted for driving without due care & attention he received 4 points and has previously been done for speeding 4 times. He was droning on and on about my stopping distance , slowing for bends the entire drive.

I hold him to drive us home then and he nearly went through a red light as the green arrow was saying left turn and we were heading straight on. He slammed on the brakes then said stupid lights. I told him then to stop criticising my driving as he's terrible at being aware of his surroundings and according to the law I'm a much better driver. He said that might not always be the case and I never want to listen to criticism .

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 10:33

I better stop telling my DH when to indicate then.

Of course you should! You're not the driver so it's none of your business.

You sound like a nightmare passenger.

Original poster
Fifi1010 · 02/04/2023 10:34

Sugarplumfairy65 · 02/04/2023 10:29

Am I reading this right? You gave him the keys to drive you home when he's lost his license?

Show quote history

No he hasn't lost his licence he got convicted for driving without due care and attention. He received 4 points and a fine. He has a licence.

OP posts:
Sugarplumfairy65 · 02/04/2023 10:36

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 10:30

@Sugarplumfairy65 where does it say he's lost his license?

4 previous speeding convictions on top of the most recent 4 points

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 10:36

@Sugarplumfairy65 that doesn't mean he's lost his license.

I'm sure OP isn't that stupid.

ArcticSkewer · 02/04/2023 10:41

Wear noise cancelling headphones and make him sit in the back.

Don't make him drive - that's just reinforcing the whole 'me man, me driver' thing

Redebs · 02/04/2023 10:46

bozzabollix · 02/04/2023 06:41

I’m currently learning to be a driving instructor and my advanced driving trainer would go to town on his driving (and I’ve learned he’s impossible to argue with!).

That would make me furious. There’s a lot of women out there nervous of driving because their partners criticise continually, and given what freedom driving gives eroding confidence in that is a big thing.

Two words, fuck and off, and if he continues stop the car and ask him to get the fuck out of it.

Personally given all I hear I think driving (or lack of it) is a feminist issue.

Definitely is.
How many women don't get lessons because of the pressure they would be under if they used joint funds for lessons?

And I know a lot of women who won't drive with their husband in the car because of their attitude and comments.

How about he sits in the back with headphones on? Any snarky comment gets him dropped off at the nearest bus stop.

user1492809438 · 02/04/2023 10:46

Heartfelt sympathy. I pulled up on the hard shoulder of the M62 (very cold, windy, isolated} and told my Dh to shut up or get out.
Now he drives everywhere, but I NEVER offer to make a cup of tea or do anything when we return home, because 'he's done all the driving'. Passive aggressive yes, satisfying, definitely!

Redebs · 02/04/2023 10:47

ArcticSkewer · 02/04/2023 10:41

Wear noise cancelling headphones and make him sit in the back.

Don't make him drive - that's just reinforcing the whole 'me man, me driver' thing

Snap!

BigButtons · 02/04/2023 10:49

Tell him to shut up or you won’t drive him anywhere.

Original poster
Fifi1010 · 02/04/2023 10:52

Sugarplumfairy65 · 02/04/2023 10:36

4 previous speeding convictions on top of the most recent 4 points

Show quote history

No his old points have elapsed they get wiped every 3 years he has 9 . but in total he's been been done for speeding 3 times and now this.

OP posts:
TakeMyStrongHand · 02/04/2023 12:43

user1492809438 · 02/04/2023 10:46

Heartfelt sympathy. I pulled up on the hard shoulder of the M62 (very cold, windy, isolated} and told my Dh to shut up or get out.
Now he drives everywhere, but I NEVER offer to make a cup of tea or do anything when we return home, because 'he's done all the driving'. Passive aggressive yes, satisfying, definitely!

A very safe thing to have done. Ffs. Adding to a stereotype here.

TemporaryNaming · 02/04/2023 12:54

I hate driving with DP in the car. He can't even bloody drive but constantly criticises me & makes me extremely nervous. I'm a much worse driver when he is in the car & make stupid mistakes because I doubt myself & miss my exit etc which makes it worse. He criticises me in general anyway but being confined in a tight space makes it so much worse, I'm immediately on the defensive as soon as we get in the car & avoid driving anywhere with him as much as possible.

ArcticSkewer · 02/04/2023 13:17

user1492809438 · 02/04/2023 10:46

Heartfelt sympathy. I pulled up on the hard shoulder of the M62 (very cold, windy, isolated} and told my Dh to shut up or get out.
Now he drives everywhere, but I NEVER offer to make a cup of tea or do anything when we return home, because 'he's done all the driving'. Passive aggressive yes, satisfying, definitely!

wtf???

NerrSnerr · 02/04/2023 14:44

BarrelOfOtters · 02/04/2023 08:55

Mine does the slamming the bakes on thing when he’s pissed off, used to scare and / or annoy the tits off me. I calmly reminded him his beloved dog in the back could get hurt…he’s not done it since. Prick.

you can’t give up driving be because of him….

Can't imagine being married to someone who would deliberately scare me.

TakeMyStrongHand · 02/04/2023 20:44

I drove DPs car today. Somehow on a roundabout we use all the time, I curbed it. He shook his head and said funny how you moan about my driving and chuckled a bit. That's an appropriate response. Anything else, especially slamming of brakes or parking on a hard shoulder where typical life expectancy is 15 minutes is pure batshit. I used to work in insurance and I've seen the heartbreaking result of it.

crazycadetmum · 02/04/2023 20:50

My husband said my driving made his anxiety worse..so next time we went out snd he asked if I would drive..I said no..I wouldn't want to make his anxiety worse..so made him drive..he soon shut up..if he says anything in future I will stop car snd get out and he can drive!

GabriellaMontez · 02/04/2023 20:54

Invite him to step out of the vehicle and make his own way (wherever you're going )

MacarenaMacarena · 02/04/2023 21:33

ROSPA offers a brilliant advanced driving course - not very expensive, training is done by volunteer experts - do the course, know that you are a great driver, pull up your partner on his many shortcomings (eg don't wrap your thumbs around the steering wheel, in an accident thumbs can get injured then you struggle to get out... Leave enough space in front of your car to see the "tyres on tarmac" of the car in front - this gives you space to drive around the car in front in case it stalls repeatedly...) Plenty to learn, thank him for the encouragement, then explain how shit his driving is!

gloriousmulch · 03/04/2023 07:17

Don’t do an advanced driving course just so that you can criticise another person’s driving. You’d be making yourself as bad as him.

doingitforyorkshire · 03/04/2023 07:48

My husband was like this, he relied on me to drive him places but constantly criticised me. I drove 30 minutes to somewhere he wanted to go, by the time we got there I was so pissed off with the relentless comments, I turned around and drove straight home stating if he wanted me to drive him somewhere he needed to shut the f**k up and let me drive or stay at home.
The comments sharp stopped.

shutthewindownow · 03/04/2023 07:49

Make him sit in the back

MacarenaMacarena · 03/04/2023 22:29

gloriousmulch · 03/04/2023 07:17

Don’t do an advanced driving course just so that you can criticise another person’s driving. You’d be making yourself as bad as him.

The benefit of doing an advanced driving course is so that the OP can drive safely - she will then have the knowledge and experience to tell her husband to stop gaslighting her. As long as she perceives he has more knowledge about driving than she does she will doubt herself while he gaslights and criticises her. He is unreasonable and exploiting her lack of confidence in driving to manipulate her. Having a go at this will only improve her driving and her likelihood of learning to challenge her husband's bad behaviour. Go for it, OP!

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