So sad I couldn’t have Dd earlier

[Shouldnthaveeatenthatmuchpizza]

Struggled to get pregnant with my Dd, years of infertility, losses and ivf, had her at 40 and very happy…apart from when I think of the future and how long I’ll have with her, will I ever meet her children, if she has them, I won’t see them grow up etc. There’s nothing I can do about it and I’m so so grateful for her, it seems unfair though and I keep thinking about it.

I’m in the exact same situation and each time I catch myself thinking about the negatives of being an older mum, I remind myself that I am so incredibly blessed to be a mum and to focus on cherishing the experience as much as possible.
Enjoy your baby and focus on the positives ❤️

@PifandHercule Thank you, she’s almost 5 now 💖How old were you if you don’t mind me asking?

Who's to say she's going to wait until her 40s, lots of people don't. Who's to say she even going to have kids? She could have a baby at 25 and you end up seeing that child grow to an adult. I dont think you can think like this. Most people don't wait until 40s for kids.

Well a few years earlier and the specific sperm that made your daughter hadn't been made yet, so it wouldn't be her. So you've had her at the only time you could have done - it wouldn't have been her before.

Same here.

Already telling him to have kids in his teens so I can be a Nana for longer 🙊

The important part is raising your child to adulthood. Time with grandchildren is a bonus.

Enjoy your days with your daughter.

My parents were 40 and 42 when I was born. I was massively privileged to have them in my life until the ages of 82 and 93.

Well, nothing is guaranteed. It’s the luck of draw. You might live to 100 and if your daughter has a child at 35, your grandchild will be 25. However, you could have had your daughter at 25 and either chosen to not have more children or been unable and your daughter might have chosen not to have children.

DH’s gran is approaching 100 and has been able to see many grandchildren and great grandchildren, my aunt had her child at 32 and died at 37.

Remind yourself how fortunate you are to have her, and it’s not your fault it’s taken to this age. She might never have her own children anyway. Try and be present with her in this moment

My father in law was 40 when my husband was born, not only is he still here and an active grandparent but his own mother is alive and in great health considering her age. Enjoy the moment and don't worry about things you can't change.

You just don't know what will happen. My dad was 26 when I was born and he died suddenly at 47, so he didn't even live to see me graduate and he never met my husband or children.

Enjoy your lovely daughter

My dad was 41 when I was born and my mum was in her early thirties. My dad is still going strong at 81 but sadly my mum has passed away.
My friend recently passed away leaving a one year old.
Nobody knows what the future holds and I’m a big believer of living in the moment.

I had my DCs in my thirties and am in my fifties now (due to fertility issues). Neither of them are currently showing signs of having children. It's entirely possible that I might not even have any grandchildren, or they might appear when I am in advanced old age.
I completely respect whatever choices they make in life - they don't need to feel obliged - one of them has a significant disability that can be passed on if their partner has the same gene, the other has a committed relationship but is not ready for children yet.
I'm not projecting that on to you, just telling you my story.
My DM passed away never having had great grandchildren and I'm sure she thought about it from time to time.
I know I would love to witness the joy of my children having their own, but it might not be what happens, so for me, I'm taking as much pleasure in the lives they are living now as I can.

Remind yourself that you still have a bundle of cuddles when others your age have a grumpy teenager :-)

YABU🙂 my mum had me (her third child) at 35, so only 5 years earlier than you. I had my son at a very average age of 31. My mum isn't an old grandparent. She even does childcare for me. Even her mum is still with us and has met her great-grandchild. We meet up every week!

Just enjoy your life and stop worrying about it. She might have kids young, she might not. Being a grandparent is a fantastic bonus in life but there are many other ways to be fulfilled in old age. Look after yourself and hopefully you'll live a long healthy life.
I have no expectations about being a grandparent, I don't want to put any expectations onto my kids, I just want them to feel free to be themselves and live their lives.

Also as a previous poster wrote, many people your age now have grown up children, you've still got your lovely daughter with you. We can only do each stage once, and you're in the thick of it right now. Your life now is someone else's wistful nostalgia.

My mum had me in her 20s but died 6yrs later in her early 30s. I'm in my mid 40s and still ttc our precious kiddies.
Will be truly blessed when it happens.

Just turned 41 when I gave birth. These days it’s very common to have children later in life (either by choice or due to fertility challenges) so try not to get fixated on it. Focus on keeping fit and looking after yourself as much as you can so you will increase your chances of living a long, happy life. 🌷

I understand, I had DD at 41, DH was 46. No fertility issues-we just met late and weren’t sure if we wanted to be parents initially.

But my mum is very healthy in her 70’s and her mum is well in her late 90’s so I hope to be equally blessed.

Ultimately none of us know what is in store. You could have had your daughter at 20 and die at 40. There’s no guarantees.

My mum had me at 38, I had my kids late 30's early 40's. My mum is still here living her time with her grandkids age 12 and 6.

Meanwhile a very dear friend lost her dad age 60, age was 30 then. He never got to see his grandkids. The reality is there are no guarantees in life. Enjoy your beautiful child, you can't change things, so leave them behind you.

You could have another fifty years!

I'm a sucker for thoughts like this but honestly this is not a thing to grieve - you have all the joy of knowing her in light of knowing what infertility is like. I think that allows you a special perspective on treasuring her existence and every day means more. Perhaps what you're grieving are the years that might seem blighted by treatment and sadness looking back but at the time you wished away towards a goal? That can produce an odd feeling of anticlimax when you finally get your baby.

My parents were 42/43 having me.
They're now healthy 92/93 year olds.

I had twins at 47, and my parents love playing with my kids. It's sad they won't see my children grow up, but I'm very lucky to be in my 50s with healthy parents.

I had mine when I turned 36 and had similar thoughts, but after a while it motivated me to really take care of my health and fitness.

My DM was 40 when she had my DSis. She is now enjoying 4 grandchildren. I think she’s got a good chance of seeing at least some of them into their teens. She has made the same points as you in the past, about having children younger meaning you get longer with them - but life doesn’t always work out like that.

Enjoy your DD!