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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling my 13yo to be home by 8:30pm

52 replies

Shoot4theMoon · 01/04/2023 13:02

It’s winter it’s dark by 7pm, my daughter hangs out with kids who live an hour away on the bus, she has to get the bus there alone and get the bus home alone. She wants to be home for 10pm as her friends can stay out until 10pm but they all live next to each other my daughter has to get the bus alone for an hour then walk almost 1 mile from the bus stop to our house. She said I’m being strict and very unreasonable because I want her home for 8:30pm and she said she would have to get the bus 7:10pm as it comes once an hour and it’s not fair!!! AIBU?????

OP posts:
Hamster1111 · 01/04/2023 13:06

Tough. She's 13. She shouldn't be out that late on her own. To be honest, I wouldn't let my DD get the bus alone at 7pm either. Its a shame she can't do what the others can but in my opinion it's not safe or age appropriate.

Aylestone · 01/04/2023 13:09

Not unreasonable. It’s a shame she lives so far away but no way would I have her on the bus later than that.

Autienotnautie · 01/04/2023 13:11

I'd pick her up but no later than 8pm

AlwaysLatte · 01/04/2023 13:13

We have a rule. Home before dark unless at a friends house or indoor area and lift pre arranged.

myheartmyhead · 01/04/2023 13:18

I mean, sunset is at 19.41 tonight, but I would say at 13 it's fair
My 14 year old has to be home by 9.30

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 01/04/2023 13:21

YANBU. 10pm at 13 is too late!

Aylestone · 01/04/2023 13:25

myheartmyhead · 01/04/2023 13:18

I mean, sunset is at 19.41 tonight, but I would say at 13 it's fair
My 14 year old has to be home by 9.30

I don’t think it’s the coming in time that’s an issue. It’s the fact that the 13yo is an hour away on the bus. My 12yo has been out until later than 10.30, I wouldn’t have her on a bus past 8pm though.

cocksstrideintheevening · 01/04/2023 13:26

10pm is too late for a 13yo. End of.

Original poster
Shoot4theMoon · 01/04/2023 13:36

I mean if they were all in my back garden playing on the trampoline or sitting having a chat I wouldn’t mind but the fact she has to get a bus that comes once an hour home all by her self then walk so far in the dark alone it’s a dangerous world out there and iv said I’m sorry but all your friends live in the same little area it’s ok for their mums to say yes 10pm is ok when they are just out in their quiet street when their parents can see them from the window and she’s just complaining at me that I’m so strict it’s not fair

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 01/04/2023 13:43

I would pick her up .If thats not possible ,then its not happening.It would be very unsafe for a young girl barely into her teens to walk home on her own!

liveforsummer · 01/04/2023 13:57

I'm not sure where in the world you are where it's winter in April but I do agree that's too late. I don't let dd get the bus alone after about 7 or even earlier in some routes or when it's dark as there are some questionable characters often on them. The walk is a concern too.

liveforsummer · 01/04/2023 13:58

dottiedodah · 01/04/2023 13:43

I would pick her up .If thats not possible ,then its not happening.It would be very unsafe for a young girl barely into her teens to walk home on her own!

Yes I'd meet from the bus stop at the very least

Growlybear83 · 01/04/2023 14:02

I think being home by 10 for a 13 year old at the weekend is reasonable, but I would never have let my daughter walk on her own after dark. Could you not collect her from the bus stop?

Beenhereageskeepchangingname · 01/04/2023 14:04

Not unreasonable at all .

my 15 year old has a home before dark rule

an hours bus ride is a long way for a 13 year old to be alone .

I can’t say I would be comfortable with this .

what are they even doing?

IhearyouClemFandango · 01/04/2023 14:07

On the bus for an hour? That seems a long way to travel at 13 at night.

WhatFreshHeckle · 01/04/2023 14:07

I'd also pick her up from a friend's house, but if she's just hanging about with no house to go to, I actually think 10 is a bit late at 13.

My parents were super relaxed but even I would have been home at that age hanging about on beaches from 15 though

WhatFreshHeckle · 01/04/2023 14:08

Sorry, that's even without the bus journey I think 10 is a bit late

Endlesssummer2022 · 01/04/2023 14:09

WhatFreshHeckle · 01/04/2023 14:08

Sorry, that's even without the bus journey I think 10 is a bit late

This.

TeenLifeMum · 01/04/2023 14:12

I’m new to this as due to lock downs etc we’re late to the party and dd1 is only just going out age 15. She’s just left and asked what time to be home and I said 5pm (thinking in time for dinner). She wasn’t happy so I asked what time she wanted, she said 8pm and I was like “what about food? What are you going to be doing?” So she said maybe 5.30 then and I said how about 6pm? She seemed okay about that. But now I feel I should have let her stay later. My brain was just unsure what she’d do for dinner rather than anything else. She kind of dropped it on me and I was off guard.

those who are so confident about what’s okay and what’s not… where’s the rule book for this? 😆 I’m so out of my depth in this new stage.

itsgettingweird · 01/04/2023 14:12

How come all her friends live so far away?

Are you rural? What is the walk from the bus stop like?

Can you compromise? Catch the 8pm bus and you meet her from the bus stop?

WeAreAllLionesses · 01/04/2023 14:12

We have a rule. Home before dark unless at a friends house or indoor area and lift pre arranged.

We have exactly the same rule.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/04/2023 14:16

I think you're far too lax, and I can't believe you allow a 13 year old to walk a mile home alone, in the dark. I'm all for kids gaining independence, but this is just needlessly risky and dangerous.

Sharkpenis · 01/04/2023 14:18

Why are her friends so far away? If you moved out of the area where her friends are then i think its on you to pick her up.

Growlybear83 · 01/04/2023 14:26

TeenLifeMum · 01/04/2023 14:12

I’m new to this as due to lock downs etc we’re late to the party and dd1 is only just going out age 15. She’s just left and asked what time to be home and I said 5pm (thinking in time for dinner). She wasn’t happy so I asked what time she wanted, she said 8pm and I was like “what about food? What are you going to be doing?” So she said maybe 5.30 then and I said how about 6pm? She seemed okay about that. But now I feel I should have let her stay later. My brain was just unsure what she’d do for dinner rather than anything else. She kind of dropped it on me and I was off guard.

those who are so confident about what’s okay and what’s not… where’s the rule book for this? 😆 I’m so out of my depth in this new stage.

I think a 15 year old would be acutely embarrassed at having to be home by 6 pm! By that age, I would think 11 is reasonable at the weekend or during the holidays, maybe 10 during the week.

mrsm43s · 01/04/2023 14:28

I think out until 10pm for a 13 year old is fine as long as they are somewhere safe (e.g. someone's house NOT just hanging out in the park etc), and I'd be picking a 13 year old up either by car or bussing over to collect her.

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