If you liked a lot of time to yourself before kids, how did you adjust to being a Mum?

[Teaandcaaaaake]

Did it come naturally because they were your own child?

I have such deep longing to become a parent, but have fertility issues. I wonder if that's nature's way of telling me I should definitely not pursue it via ivf etc because I do enjoy a lot of time to myself, alone with my thoughts, writing or watching tv or whatever.

But there must be loads of women who liked a lot of time to themselves, and then went on to very happy motherhood?

I am not completely antisocial I do like seeing friends and chatting with acquaintances but of course that's completely different!

My whole life revolves around my children.I get overstimulated and I have noone to help. But I adapt. I will go into the garden or sit in the car for ten mins.
I love my kids so much. But i dont really like other peoples children bar about 4 that ive met, im discovering. Think long and hard about having kids.
You need to think past the joy of pregnacy/utter love for newborn to how your life will change.
Mine are the age now where they are getting more independent but it has been very hard. I think it must be different if you have support.

My son is very nearly 4 months and I'm glad that I had him, he's wonderful but at the same time I was never one of those people who thought having kids is a must and I could've seen myself having a good life without kids too.

It's important to me that he doesn't become my whole life. I love him, of course I do but I'm not just 'mum', I'm many other things and I continue to make an effort that I don't lose myself as his parent.

We are lucky enough to have family help so I went out for dinner for the first time without him when he was 2 weeks, he had his first sleepover when he was 6 weeks etc which means I'm still able to get out and socialise.

What has also helped is having a routine from the get go and teaching him to self settle which means since 8 weeks, I can put him down awake and he'll sleep 7-7. This is good for him but also good for me as I got my evenings back quite quickly.

The last thing which has helped is I went back to work when he was 12 weeks, a long maternity leave wasn't for me and it really helped me feel like 'me' again. I was bored out of my mind at home.

There is a balance and it is possible to have a balance that works for you. Don't let anyone tell you that to be a good mother, you need to be with your child 24/7 because it simply isn't true.

It’s very hard. When I was single and lived by myself, I worked FT and had a very busy social life, but I had 1 evening a week minimum by myself at home and all day Sunday ( I would turn down anything on a Sunday). Sunday was my favourite day. I would exercise in the morning, have a lovely lunch and read the papers or a book in the afternoon. I loved it. Now with 2 kids I can never recreate that Sunday feeling. I always have to think about someone else’s food/ laundry/ homework/ logistics. It’s draining. Also your kids personalities might not fit with you or each other. My son is extrovert, the east of us introvert and that’s a difficult fit.

I'd say yes and no. I got touched out a lot in the early years, the baby days especially. Our first was a Velcro baby, rarely got to put him down the first year, he rarely slept. It was unbelievably hard, Though it didn't stop me going back two more times. I didn't realise how hard I would find it, sometimes I wanted to scream leave me alone. I am fiercely glad I have my DS, wouldn't change a thing.

It's different now they're all primary age, it's not so intense, though they are more dependent than most children thier ages, they're Autistic. They need a lot of down time, like I do, so we have screen time and quiet afternoons which works for all of us. They can still be really clingy and I still find that hard at times, especially when they're sitting virtually on top of me and fighting over who goes on mums lap and I just want 5 minutes alone. They seem to go through stages, right now we're in a clingy stafe. A lot of the hardest parts then and now would have been a lot easier if stbxh was a supportive partner, that can make a world of difference..

To be honest I find it really hard. And it's reassuring to read so many women saying the same - it hadn't even occurred to me before I had a child. I'm basically either working or parenting, I get very little time off on my own. It is better now he sleeps well, but to be honest I'm knackered by the end of the day because I stay up late to get a bit of time on my own. Which is silly, but necessary.

I know it's terrible to wish the time away, but I so look forward to when he's older and I can walk out of the house on my own without having to either take him with me or negotiate with my partner for time 'off'. My sort-of solution has been to have a night away in a hotel a couple of times a year. I get to be my own person in a pretty city with non-child friendly museums and art galleries and restaurants, where I don't need to think about someone else for 24 hours. It's bliss.

I am only having one child, in part because I find it so hard. Having two noisy, bickering, demanding small people in the house would drive me absolutely crazy.