To ask the most annoying/bizarre flex/boast you've heard?

[phonemouse]

One that gets me is people boasting about how 'tiny' they are, but one that always makes me laugh is my MIL proudly mentioning on way more than one occasion how narrow SIL'a feet are like it's something really special 🤣🤣

Yes, I think some people are just 'triggered' when somebody mentions something they don't have.

You do know that “self catering” doesn’t mean you need to cook the food yourself, right?

We go self catering and eat out for every meal, bar maybe breakfast.

"someone else who pretends to speak the language of the country where she’s been an expat for years (she absolutely doesn’t) but that she chooses only to address people in English because “the locals prefer getting a chance to practice their English skills”. Apparently they all - every person she interacts with - assure her this the case."

It really is like this for English speakers in some places. It can be very difficult to force people to speak the local language to you.

I'm not sure that @sashh did understand that. Oops.

The catching of all inclusive holidays, I guess. The locals obviously don’t eat, only tourists 😅

That made me laugh - I have a million and one things about my body and face that I either actively dislike or at best are completely indifferent to, but, in my opinion (and as it turns out, DP's, which was handy), my nose is absolutely perfect. I'm also rather fond of my freckles, which is just as well, as I have so many of them.

It's been interesting how the bits of me that I think are the best features are the ones that others have targeted as the bits to criticise - I've had my nose described as a ridiculous ski slope, that I must have been a snotty child to have deformed it by constantly pushing it up to wipe it with my hand and that my face looks as though it's covered in flyshit, together with pretend 'advice' that I could/should get my 'face burned off with acid to get rid of those horrible things' and 'a decent surgeon should be able to break it and make it look normal and straight instead of like that', especially when I've actually got a minor congenital deformity (one detached and one attached/partially missing earlobe) that technically could have been fixed - but they never, ever mentioned that; just the bits that I think are absolutely fine as they are.

I'm certainly not flexing about them - but I could see how somebody could if they've been on the receiving end of negging/bullying about a feature to reassure themselves or tell the world that actually, don't bother criticising.

Someone posted a picture of her gorgeous rugby playing hubby and he looked just like this

Mine will make the 'I can't stop eating but I'm not putting on any weight' speech at least three times a week.

then you meet said rugby warrior & they’re just a regular fat guy with mangled ears LOL yes. Someone I know posted a pic of her "gorgeous (rugby player) husband" on FB and some wag commented "is your gorgeous husband hiding behind that fat bald bloke?" Ouch.

Respond with 'yeah,kids' clothes are huge now aren't they'?

@CandlelightGlow but lots of us already know the things you are explaining because they and we live it.

I can't have been the only person who has listened to a person with anorexia detailing their eating habits (or non eating habits), expressing revulsion at the normal food consumption of others and worst of all, disrupting the lives of family and friends to often distressing and extreme levels.

My job sometimes involves talking to people with anorexia and other eating disorders and anorexics are some of most infuriating people I meet. The act of talking to me, unburdening themselves and imparting their wisdom while controlling the narrative is an extension of their addiction, which is about the need to control themselves and to a certain extent, others. I know it when I am listening to it. Luckily, I don't live with one.

I feel sympathy for anyone in the grip of any addiction who is experiencing emotional pain. I truly don't believe such people want to inflict pain on others but the reality is that they do. Like I said: it is not my problem to solve.

The regular announcement is definitely knobbish behaviour, but I distance run (also early in the morning usually as that’s the only time I can fit it in) and I am not tiny. Fitness isn’t necessarily related to weight (although I was definitely faster when slim).

I have a friend who does a lot of exercise. One year she ran a marathon and had loads of men tell her that they knew someone who did it in 2 hours 30 minutes (or some other, improbable, time for a non elite athlete).

Obviously none of them had done this. Or anything apart from drive their car and eat biscuits.

I used to work with someone who always needed to be the best at everything. He once told me that his ski instructor had said he was the best first week skier ever seen before.

Someone I worked with was obsessed with getting married. I was getting married two months after her and she tried to rope me in on this. One of the things she told me was that when compiling a wedding list no one needed more than three saucepans.

I've thought about it from time to time in the intervening 30 years and it's true, no one needs more than three saucepans in their life at any one time. But it's nice to have the option and there's no need to be so adamant about it,

But the worst thing she did was was compile her dream outfit from a collection of cut-outs from wedding magazines of a fountain veil here, a flouncy skirt there, leg-of-mutton shoulders and lace-covered bodices and sleeves. It was 1992.

She'd say: "Do you want to see my wedding dress?" and you'd lie "There is nothing that would give me greater pleasure" and she'd assemble these cuttings on the desk like a crime scene reconstruction of butchered brides.

Tell a lie. The worst thing she did was showing this to someone who was going through an extremely painful break up. I don't know how that woman kept her hands off her.

Oh God, men who are experts on sport. Any sport, because they are men. We had the Cheltenham Festival on the telly in the office and all the men were standing around with their hands on their hips giving their tips when the last time they sat on a horse was on the roundabout when the fairground came to town.

Aw sorry @FrancesFlute id have taken midwives words as a compliment - meaning your baby might only be getting a little but it’s the best quality ❤️

oh yes boyfriend/DH boasting esp rugby players & how big they are, how you can’t miss him, how they get A LOT of attention obviously - then you meet said rugby warrior & they’re just a regular fat guy with mangled ears

@LicoricePizza Yes this exactly, a friend of mine likes to shoe horn in that her DP is 6 foot 4 at every opportunity. Then you meet him, and he is a mummy's boy with the personality of a potato
**

An ex colleague used to go on about hot her dad was and how all her friends at school fancied him (we were early 20s so completely irrelevant). I nodded along for the first 15 or so mentions then said how sorry I was for her, that must feel gross for her and that stopped it.

But what a weird thing to brag about - it could have been a funny/embarrassing anecdote but she didn't mean it that way; she really was showing off and expecting me to be jealous of her having a hot dad. She was a mean girl to cover up her insecurities and bragged about everything, but that was the weirdest!

A boy at school told us that Jean Claude Van Damme was his uncle. I don’t think that was a boast though - more of a little story

My sis in law

For context,I've given birth 6 times-never had pain relief as my labour's where very short (longest 2 hours and 32 minutes-shortest 34 minutes-I only ever mention it if asked)

No stitches or any bother afterwards-i breastfed each baby for 3/4 months

She had one baby-she had a textbook pregnancy,(but she was the only woman to have ever got pregnant) was in labour for 45 hours,had everything she could get her hands on and ended up with 33 stitches

No biggy but she shoehorns it into everything-how she really suffered for her baby and I didnt

She couldn't breastfeed but it didn't matter as her baby was bigger than any of mine at birth (he weighed one ounce more than my biggest baby)

She even told me I wasn't a 'proper mother' as i didn't tear and had no problems feeding them

I can't decide if she feels like she let herself down or she really believes she's better as she suffered more

He's now 11 and she's still at it-no matter how innocent the conversation,she will shoehorn his birth and how she suffered into it

Your mom sounds a cunt 💐

Mine is how they can always eat more than me, how I’m such a child when I eat my portions, that I must have an eating disorder, and a running joke whenever I have to use the loo that I’m going to throw up. I don’t go to the loo anymore when im around them. It’s fucking shit 🤷🏻‍♀️

Liquid gold... you had the best milk! She wasn't trying to make you feel shit... quite the opposite.

Got to be the subtle as a brick “oh have yours not broken up yet?” humble question brag from those with kids at private schools 🤣

This is really funny, I actually laughed out loud reading this comment!!
I am sure I know this girl too. In fact she regularly told me how big my brothers man hood was and would I like to see a picture of it!!!! Ermmmm no thanks