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Original poster

To ask the most annoying/bizarre flex/boast you've heard?

701 replies

phonemouse · 31/03/2023 20:19

One that gets me is people boasting about how 'tiny' they are, but one that always makes me laugh is my MIL proudly mentioning on way more than one occasion how narrow SIL'a feet are like it's something really special 🤣🤣

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 01/04/2023 15:24

IDontWantToBeAPie · 31/03/2023 20:33

Oh god the foot thing is no joke. I have fairly small feet but a friend is a Size 2 and she doesn't half bang on about it.

Is that her sole topic of conversation?

Shz · 01/04/2023 15:26

ElegantCow · 01/04/2023 14:28

Another irritating flex is skinny people saying they eat SO MUCH and ALLLLL the time. Bollocks, unless you have worms of course.

Not always bollocks, some people have medical conditions or a fast metabolism and do eat a lot and stay slim. But it’s a weird boast because it’s not something they have achieved its just their biology.

allthelittleangelsriseupriseup · 01/04/2023 15:30

Used to work with a woman who was obsessed with how much money she spent with designer crap - she always seemed to be buying rather dodgy looking "designer " gear.

One morning she waltzed in with a "Louis Vuitton" handbag and passed it round for us to gasp over. I know it was wrong, but it was so obviously a knock-off I couldn't help saying "Isn't it amazing what they can do with plastic these days ". She snatched the bag back, the rest of the staff rushed off to the staff room - where all you could hear was muffled hysterics.
She stopped bringing in her "designer " trophies after that.

Mercurial123 · 01/04/2023 15:30

WordtoYoMumma · 01/04/2023 15:12

My friend owns a caravan and her top boast about it is "it doesn't even have a TV!" She's always on about how it's a lovely getaway from "reality". Caravan with no TV sounds like a shit holiday mate

It sounds great

StaceySolomonSwash · 01/04/2023 15:32

ricketybeauty · 31/03/2023 22:05

I do this about having had an enormous monster baby. Literally, no one can say anything to me about a big baby - I’ll shoehorn it in wherever I can

Love this comment! Imagined putting a baby into a buggy, shopping trolley, high chair using a shoehorn 😂😂

VWHoliday · 01/04/2023 15:36

XenoBitch · 31/03/2023 20:30

Recently met someone who claimed that they attempted suicide when they were 3 years old!

I'm only on page 4 but this really made me laugh.

My boss was going on a cruise and said to my work colleague who he knew was skint "I bet you'd love to go on a cruise, you would really love it" He is actually lovely but just doesn't think.

postwarbulge · 01/04/2023 15:38

People how airily and assertively say that they don't believe in something tangible, like microwave ovens

VWHoliday · 01/04/2023 15:38

Bamboux · 31/03/2023 22:11

Um. What?

Could you explain what you mean about 'curly hair on kids', please?

I think I must be misunderstanding you. I hope so.

Show quote history

I love curly hair on children.

chaosmaker · 01/04/2023 15:39

ClaraBourne · 31/03/2023 21:00

Appeared on my facebook page one day from somebody I know 'Up at 4.30am tomorrow for a meeting in Paris. Early mornings, the downside of international work travel'. Only her sister had the nerve to say ' Stealth boast much?'

I'd have had to pipe up with skype and environmental damage :D

HoneyPotBee · 01/04/2023 15:40

Chinchinchoroo · 01/04/2023 07:14

I was on a reality TV forum and there was a thread about a cast members fondness for Nike sneakers.

Someone commented "I don't care for brands and think they're a waste of money but could easily afford them as my husband and I are in the top 1% of earners. But I do buy Khloe Kardashians brand jeans for my daughter as she has the exact same figure as Gigi Hadid".

She’s also on MN! ----

limitedperiodonly · 01/04/2023 15:42

What does ‘flex’ mean in this context? Can someone help me out on that please?

@Flyinggeesei234 this does not answer your question but Flex by Revlon shampoo was the most fantastic sexiest smelling shampoo in the whole fucking world in the late ''70s and 80s.

People would smell my hair and go: "Oh! Flex!" Because it was the '70s and '80s my hair would stink of fags in the morning but when you walked into a club it was the best.

postwarbulge · 01/04/2023 15:43

I worked with a middle-aged woman who had passed her advance driving test and let everyone know about it. "I always double declutch. I get much better control that way."

postwarbulge · 01/04/2023 15:45

What the long-hours culture tossers of the 'sleep is for wimps' type, who would contrive to send emails timed to the early hours of the morning,

CleaningOutMyCloset · 01/04/2023 15:52

My ex used to tell me he was a cunt, he wore it like a badge of honour and when he did something horrid he'd say 'well I did tell you I was a cunt' I eventually said to him that it wasn't a badge of honour or something to be proud of, it just means you're a cunt. Thankfully I realised fairly early in the relationship and dumped him

Liorae · 01/04/2023 15:55

XenoBitch · 31/03/2023 20:30

Recently met someone who claimed that they attempted suicide when they were 3 years old!

And you think that is funny?

Manigestation · 01/04/2023 15:57

Have name changed for this.

Someone who already gives me so much ick told me proudly, in a childlike fashion, that on his first day in a new job he got 'two claps'. In my struggle to understand I guessed he was being self deprecating about a round of applause that barely happened but no, he was proud that he'd got two full rounds of applause (for presumably introducing himself and the like)!

Same person recently implied that gall stones are far worse than childbirth (he's had them of course). And many more examples along those lines (including highly patronising comments to me if I'm ill etc... His covid was REALLY bad because the line on his test was so strong and appeared so fast. I was the lucky recipient of the photo). Etcetera!

VWHoliday · 01/04/2023 15:57

Liorae · 01/04/2023 15:55

And you think that is funny?

Show quote history

I think it most probably was a lie.

TurnedOutOrangesAndLemonsAgain · 01/04/2023 15:59

@PippaF2 I know what you mean. I had a big baby. It meant having an emergency c-section because he got stuck. When he was in reception at primary school I got several letters about childhood obesity. I didn’t see that as anything to boast about! He’s gone from being a huge 95th centile baby to bring a short, skinny teenager, though. So it all evened out in the end.

Ludo19 · 01/04/2023 16:05

XenoBitch · 31/03/2023 20:30

Recently met someone who claimed that they attempted suicide when they were 3 years old!

Oh I'm going to hell because this made me laugh.

Was that a brag do you think?

CruCru · 01/04/2023 16:08

I used to have a friend in school would had extremely long, blonde hair. It was a bit past her bum and she mentioned it whenever she could. After a while there isn’t all that much to say about hair. I think this is the reason I’m now suspicious of anyone whose daughter has very long hair.

I also used to go out with someone who was tall - about 6ft4. I think he had a lot of relatives who found this very impressive because he would mention his height often. Like, shoehorning it into conversations where it wasn’t relevant. Then would get annoyed that I didn’t look very interested.

nadine90 · 01/04/2023 16:08

Ha! For me it's when people proudly announce their favourite book as one from the GCSE syllabus. Oh you love "Catcher In The Rye"? So you've not read since you were 16 then...

Phos · 01/04/2023 16:13

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 08:49

I have a colleague like this...she's young (25) and by god the self obsession is strong. SUCH a meek little frightened introverted rabbit but it's all eyes and ears on me please.
I spend a lot of time ignoring her and gritting my teeth.

Show quote history

Oh Lord, someone has cloned my MIL as a 25 year old 😱

AfricanAmericanFriday · 01/04/2023 16:14

Awoooga · 01/04/2023 15:18

‘I wish my boobs were as small as yours, mine are always popping out of my clothes!!’ Boohoo, how awful it must be to not be flat chested, also thanks for drawing the entire room’s attention to it 🙄

Big boobs are indeed a curse. They have no upside whatsoever. Women with big boobs constantly complain and I can certainly understand why. I have small boobs and would never trade them for biggies.
As for men loving them…you’ll only attract boob-obsessed idiots with them.

InFiveMins · 01/04/2023 16:18

Has to be the smug "I don't watch television" brigade for me. I can't bear it, especially when it's absolutely clear that they do watch TV, even if its a catch-up service or streaming service like Netflix...it's still watching TV.

My dad does it and it drives me mad. Claims not to watch TV and even goes as far as to say he and my mum could get rid of the TV and not even notice. This is despite the fact they watch it for at least 2-3 hours most evenings. I pulled him up on it at Christmas and I can't even remember what replied with now but it was something daft like he mostly watches stuff on his iPad. Sends me round the bloody twist.

Ludo19 · 01/04/2023 16:23

I'm fair with freckles. My colleague has red hair and apparently red heads take the best tan. I said my tan would be ace if my freckles joined up to which she replied that hers did.