Page 13 | To ask the most annoying/bizarre flex/boast you've heard?

phonemouse · 2023-03-31T19:19:05+00:00

One that gets me is people boasting about how 'tiny' they are, but one that always makes me laugh is my MIL proudly mentioning on way more than one occasion how narrow SIL'a feet are like it's something really special 🤣🤣

honeylulu · 01/04/2023 10:06

People who crow about their huge houses (bigger than ours) because they want you to know how well they are doing financially. I've had people needling me to tell them how much our mortgage is so they can try and work out our income (I presume). I never volunteer this but if asked directly I tell them we paid off our mortgage some years ago. Strangely they always seem pissed off by this. We drive old/basic cars and don't have a flash Harry lifestyle so I think the flash Harry types assume we must be a bit strapped for cash.

Ichosetheredpill · 01/04/2023 10:08

Rosemarypots · 31/03/2023 20:32

I find the big baby boasts trying - it's usually a boy, and along the lines of, "oh I'm struggling to find age appropriate clothing as George is in 12-18 months babygrows at four months!". Shoehorned into conversation at several points.

In fairness, this was me for the first six months, then I discovered I was shrinking them in the tumble drier 🤔

AfricanAmericanFriday · 01/04/2023 10:08

OMG so many!
When people boast that their kids/partner have blond hair and blue eyes. It is not special and a boring combination. I see so many facially challenged people with blond hair and blue eyes. Dark hair and blue eyes would be more special but it’s a physical attribute, not like you earned it.
When people boast that everybody mistakes them for a younger person. No love, you are 40 and you look it.
People who are proud of how much they can drink and go to work the next day and face life’s challenges. Hmmm..I wouldn’t be so proud of shit like that.
People who boast about their fitness and how they go to the gym at lunch break for an intense cardio workout and how they run 5km every day at the crack of dawn. Oh, so that’s why you look so tired and haggard!

Kingsize · 01/04/2023 10:10

ricketybeauty · 01/04/2023 08:20

@LiliLil well apparently I don’t even! @Kingsize id definitely not speak to you ever again in real life if I knew you.

Though if it wins me any extra points and in the spirit of the thread “I’m TINY, I’m so TINY!!!”

Ah then you most likely win, Im not tiny. I was a big baby too, am the tallest in my family with size 7 feet.

I feel sorry for the monster baby now though ahe looks older than he is by a few years so people expect behaviour from him that his brain isnt quite capable of yet!

YouOKHun · 01/04/2023 10:11

JupiterFortified · 01/04/2023 00:04

People who are just SO busy. Always busy. So much busier than you! And tired, so so tired.

It’s not a fucking competition Margaret: perhaps if you didn’t send Augustus and Arabella to trombone lessons on a Monday, Viola practice on a Tuesday and a flute recital on a Wednesday you might have a bit more time to sit on your arse and do nothing.

Bore off.

I was just about to say the same @JupiterFortified . I had one fellow parent in my DD’s class right the way through primary school who was officially “the busiest person in the world” who was also “the most stressed person in the world”. She was a nice person but it was really irritating after a while.

It was fatal to say anything about workload or a busy day in passing because it would instantly be dismissed with a rundown of her schedule. She had a part time job and 4 DC and I’m sure she WAS busy but 4 having children is a choice and a mission to make sure they all played various sports at at least county level necessitating driving around the south of England every weekend is also a choice and it doesn’t mean the rest of us were just kicking around waiting for her to say “could you just drop my DC home/take this form to the school office for me/delay the start of your DC’s party/take my library books back, as I am absolutely run off my feet today and you’ve only got three children and a full time job which is probably less busy than mine”.

After a few years of it when she used to say “and what are you doing today??” I thought I might as well entertain myself a bit so I started responding with “I am just going home to stroke fluffy kittens and read Hello, if I can find the time between my facial and organising my pants drawer”. It seemed a more affective way of closing the conversation than responding truthfully and she stopped asking me if I could just [task/favour] for her because she was far too busy”.

Ichosetheredpill · 01/04/2023 10:11

PogoThePunk · 01/04/2023 01:00

I used to work with a man who bought ( on credit ) a brand new jaguar car.
Now most people would say something like they've had to park in the next street, or they had to park the car in the bottom car park.
With him it was ' I had to park the Jag in the next street ' or ' I drove the Jag to blah and it purred down the motorway ' etc.
He had to insert ' the jag ' into everything.
How we laughed when it was repossessed from the car park at work because he'd failed his repayments 😂

Was this my exDH by any chance? Can’t be because he owned his but that need to say “the Jag” was a minor one of the many reasons he’s now ex. And woe betide me if I shut the door too hard…

UpperLowerMiddleClass · 01/04/2023 10:12

People who think that being a ‘morning person’ makes them superior in some way. News flash - getting up at 5am is not inherently better than getting up at 8am.

Hoppinggreen · 01/04/2023 10:17

Many years ago when I went to York Uni (first choice) I spent the first week in the English Dept meeting my fellow undergraduates and kept being asked what my first choice Uni was. I answered “York” and so many of them said theirs was Oxford/Cambridge as if it was a flex BUT they were at York so hadn’t got an Oxbridge Place. So they were basically bragging about NOT getting into Oxbridge.
Anyone can fail to get into Oxbridge

Redebs · 01/04/2023 10:18

3littlebeans · 31/03/2023 21:18

Oh the private school threads where " we went without foreign holidays and new cars!!" Well yes... like the majority of the population then...

🤣🤣🤣

Blossomtoes · 01/04/2023 10:20

Hoppinggreen · 01/04/2023 10:17

Many years ago when I went to York Uni (first choice) I spent the first week in the English Dept meeting my fellow undergraduates and kept being asked what my first choice Uni was. I answered “York” and so many of them said theirs was Oxford/Cambridge as if it was a flex BUT they were at York so hadn’t got an Oxbridge Place. So they were basically bragging about NOT getting into Oxbridge.
Anyone can fail to get into Oxbridge

When were you there @Hoppinggreen? I wonder if we crossed? You’re spot on, the place was teeming with Oxbridge rejects.

Hoppinggreen · 01/04/2023 10:24

30 years ago

Blossomtoes · 01/04/2023 10:26

Hoppinggreen · 01/04/2023 10:24

30 years ago

Ah I was before you then. I arrived there 40 years ago in October.

anxiouslemons · 01/04/2023 10:28

Well I was going to come on the post and say that my weird flex/humble brag is that I have a regular bowel movement every morning without fail. You could set your alarm by me. But now I'm not sure if it's that kind of thread

Minimalme · 01/04/2023 10:35

I know I'm being ridiculous but I find the following flexboasty:

"We are extending our house - we desperately need a bigger kitchen, a guest room with en-suite and a tv room for the kids".

And they live in a four bed detached.

I always wonder why they are so arsed about space.

For context, I live with dh, three kids, plus three dogs in a two bed terrace.

It is plenty big enough because I don't store all that sentimental shite people with big houses seem to.

Minimalme · 01/04/2023 10:37

And yy to all the 'we made sacrifices to send our kids to private school because we value education."

These people are fucking clueless.

Pinkywoo · 01/04/2023 10:41

ricketybeauty · 31/03/2023 22:20

@LiliLil hope you’re happy with a silver medal 😂11lb 7oz over here!! I mean, over 11lb has to be worth mentioning, right?

My cousin's baby was 12lb 6oz, she deserves a Nobel prize not just a medal! 😳

mikado1 · 01/04/2023 10:46

TrenchVagina · 31/03/2023 20:42

Someone who was proud their secondary school aged children had never had antibiotics. Mine would be deaf or dead without them. She seemed to think I'd let my kids down by, you know, giving them medicine.

Wow! I would think that's pretty amazing too!

SendARavenToRiverRun · 01/04/2023 10:49

Someone I know is tiny and reminds us all at every opportunity. She couldn't wait for the grandkids to be taller than her so she could boast how petite she is. She's forever exclaiming of how big their hands and feet are ( they're not). How much they eat and has even made comments on their dress sizes. She takes great pleasure in ordering (and subsequently leaving half of) a kids meal when we go out. Every portion served is met with 'ohhh I couldn't possibly eat that much'. It's exhausting and makes me wary of having her around my impressionable teenagers. Even requests for a simple sweater or pair of jeans for Xmas comes with a huge paragraph about sizing. 'Ohh make sure they're EXTRA small. Small is just too big. You know how tiny I am'. Exhausting!

I had a church friend when younger. Her mother was an upstanding member of said church but a massive snob and show off. My mum wasn't at the church and my dad had recently died. I was 15 and in the middle of my exams. I got below average results. It was a shitty shitty time. My poor mother was in the midst of a breakdown and being a widow in her 30's. We were skint and struggling.
This one woman took immense pleasure in boasting to my face her daughters exam results. She literally shouted out the exact grades. She also seemed pleased that I'd done nowhere near as well as her (privately educated and tutored, 2 parent family)child.
It still crushes me 30 years later.

Namechange666 · 01/04/2023 10:55

.

Namechange666 · 01/04/2023 10:58

I've named changed for this.

But the worst brag I ever heard was from someone who could brag for a living if they could.

Everything is a competition about how much money they have and how much has been spent on them. Look at me type personality.

The worst brag was sharing a screenshot of their 8 or 9 month boyfriend's vasectomy appointment. Everyone was like wtf. Just the a snapshot of their weird behaviour.

MysteryBelle · 01/04/2023 11:01

Holihobbies · 31/03/2023 21:13

Boasting that they are blunt and just 'say it like it is' like that's a good thing - no it's rude and insensitive and shows a complete lack of self awareness !

I can’t stand this either. It’s an excuse to be malicious.

HangingOver · 01/04/2023 11:07

Work people who are like, "Oh I'm just SO BUSY! I have SO MANY DEMANDS ON MY TIME, I haven't had a day off since I was born, I only sleep twelve minutes a night becasue everyone just NEEDS ME SO MUCH and I'm SO SO BUSY" They're never too busy to tell you how busy they are though.

QueefQueen80s · 01/04/2023 11:09

glasshole · 31/03/2023 20:59

I can't stand the woman I know that does the " I'm crazy I am, tell them! Tell them how crazy I am!" Like it's a good thing to be thought of as mentally Ill and unstable. And in reality her idea of crazy is over stepping boundaries, singing badly right into your face and "sexy" dancing after a sniff of gin and again insisting she's crazy. Yeah, you live laugh love hun, just do it away from me Debbie.

I've unfortunately got a younger sister that likes to brag about the size of her latest sex partners genitals. And it's a firm NO to seeing the pictures thanks. Although at the rate she goes through men I'd probably be better able to recognise them from their genitals than their faces as they all look like knock of variations of £1 shop Ken dolls 😂

Sounds like a female David Brent, cringe! 🤣

Yes to men I'm getting to know intimately telling me they have slept with loads of women, it does the opposite of impress. would they like to hear it the other way round?

Toomanycreatures · 01/04/2023 11:11

Ex dp boasting that he would "give his life" for his kids. Erm, yeah, you and literally every other parent on the planet mate. In fact, most decent adults would save the life of a random child before their own if it came down to it.

Hilarious how these men won't pay child support, won't give up their expensive hobbies/nights out/drug habit, won't change career to fit around their kids, won't spend money on clothing/shoes/books/activities. But that doesn't matter because they would 'give their life' for their child in a hypothetical situation that is 99.999999% never going to happen. Fuck off.

Tophy124 · 01/04/2023 11:16

itsabigtree · 01/04/2023 09:00

I think it's women being proud of themselves for doing something challenging, rather than a boast in this case.

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How is she doing something worth being proud of? She doesn’t seek medical care when unwell and spreads her illnesses around. Doing it to her children as she raised them was a form of neglect in my eyes too.

If you are unwell you stay home and recover or get treatment when needed. It’s not a brag that you never see the dr or take your children if it’s actually needed!