To ask a mum to keep her kids quiet on the train?

[Wiennetta]

I specifically booked a seat on a quiet carriage as I’m working on a 4 hour train journey (as are most people in the carriage, or reading, snoozing etc). Next to me on the other side of the aisle is a mum with a two year old who is watching his iPad on full volume. He has been running around up and down the aisle with another child, shouting, screaming and so on.

I was trying to concentrate on something, listening on my headphones and politely asked the mum if they could keep it down - at this point the kid was literally next to my seat, in the aisle, jumping up and down and shouting. She just said, ‘he’s two, what do you expect me to do?’

I mean they’re kids, they’re little, they’re bored. But AIBU I thinking the parents should at least try and moderate their behaviour, remind them to be quiet, try and get them to sit down and do something a bit calmer? Even if it’s not always successful?

Or preferably not book the bloody quiet carriage.

Because I have a 19 month old to entertain, a four year old and a five year old. I need to keep them all quiet and sitting still for two hours.

I think it's a weird form of attention seeking behaviour, tbh.

I think they should be shut in a toilet for the rest of the journey.

Lol at singing. Don’t be that parent.

Typo* 17 months

Yes it’s completely anti social.

Nobody else wants or needs to listen to Peppa Pig or any other noise. That goes for adults as well who have phone calls or play music on a loud speaker

So buy a splitter then!

Is IS tough when you have wee ones but it's your responsibility, they are your kids.

I hate this trend for just inflicting kids on everyone else with no effort to entertain them in a responsible way.

Won't the 4 and 5 year old be used to sitting still from school? At least for a while?

Exactly

So I can’t play a Disney film quietly.

I can’t sing songs.

I can’t ask them questions about what they can see out of the window (performative parent)

How do you suggest I keep them all quiet and sitting still? Or should people with small children not use public transport?

I’m not taking them in the quiet carriage. Other people will be making noise.

When booking, most sites only allow you to specify that you WANT the quiet carriage, not that you don't. I got stuck in it once for that reason when DS was 2 and it was not fun as I tried to keep him quiet on a 4 hour journey. We couldn't move as train was crowded and I had no idea it was quiet carriage until after we'd sat down.

I did try very hard to moderate his behaviour and honestly it would have been OK in any other carriage but it was very hard and if you'd leant over and told me off, Id probably have burst into tears. There were people tutting and making loud comments to each other about how it was the quiet carriage and not right for small children as it was. I was so relieved when he went to sleep about 2 hours into the journey

HOWEVER conversations on loud speaker and loudly using ipad was not on and while difficult she should have stopped him running about the carriage

@GrinAndVomit it wouldn’t bother me to hear your iPad- much prefer a bit of background noise to shouts/moans/squabbles. People on mumsnet are a bit miserable and not very tolerant!

HEADPHONES AND SPLITTER

Why is it everyone else's problem to solve for you?

My 17 month old will not wear headphones 😂😂

Forget it. We’ll stay home for fear of anyone being disturbed by the sound of Hakuna Matata

Our job isn't to entertain though - it's to parent. It's difficult. I'd be talking to them about train rides and how we have to behave; play train ride for practice. It won't be perfect and people around you will have to tolerate some disturbance, but you will have to be vigilant. It is the proper way to handle it. If it is absolutely too difficult then consider hiring a car. 🤷‍♀️

This is how you would manage a 17 month old on a two hour train? Seriously?

Could you let them take turns or lend your phone too?
I normally take some toys he likes (something he hasn't played with in a while so he'll get bored a little later), a million snacks, sticker/activity books, if I can I wrap up a little new toy/chocolate egg/surprise, and then give the ipad as last resort. Not just because I'd rather him enjoying the travel experience, have a conversation etc but as once he's tired of watching it... he's behaviour gets 1000 times worse than before screen time.

You can play a disney film, and they can share headphones. You can give one your phone, with headphones. You can talk to them quietly, you can play quiet games, you can have colouring books and things to read.

you can't play films without headphones, or sing, or let them scream.

Nobody expects them to be silent. They do expect you to make an effort to not annoy everyone else. You don't seem willing to try though.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

The problem with these types of situations is that of course YANBU but the people who behave this way couldn't give a shit. If they did they wouldn't behave that way in the first place.

(See also noisy neighbours / dog owners who don't control their dogs or pick up the poo / cf school parent parking etc...)

Some people just drift through life like they think the world must always bend to their will. In reality they are just rude entitled twats. Sorry you had to move Op, YANBU!

OK so the problem isn't the 3 childrenif the big ones can use the headphones, it's just the 17 month old.

Read to them? Play quietly with toys? Look out of the window at what you can see?

Don't huff that you have to stay at home because all the meanies on the train don't want to listen to the ipad blaring.

When my three year old wants to play with me after work, I’m going to remind him it isn’t my job to entertain. 👍🏻😂

Are you purposely ignoring the repeated suggestion of headphone splitter?
I'll say it a few times so you can get the hint - HEADPHONE SPLITTER HEADPHONE SPLITTER HEADPHONE SPLITTER

Your 17 month old will be fine with headphones, and if not then will miss the soundtrack of the movie.

You can get two e-to-two adaptors - plug one into the iPad, then tee off the others from that. You'll have 3 headphone sockets and won't get people like me telling you how inconsiderate you are.
Winner!

That was your opening to say "Move to another carriage if you can't keep the noise down". But YANBU.

Maybe the opposite of a quiet carriage can be a creche carriage where people can performance parent and sing to Disney all they want..
My dd attempted suicide last year and we were on a ward with a woman with her dd who were up at 6 am singing Disney songs. Some are oblivious to the courtesy they should be extending to others..

I used to have to fly with mine (3 under 4 at the time) 4 hour flight followed by a transfer and another 1 hour flight.

I sympathise with the amount of energy it requires to keep small children quietly entertained for hours on public transport, but if you are a parent, using public transport that is your responsibility. Don’t inconvenience anyone else with your family planning.

Take a bag of small age appropriate, interchangeable toys, some sensory or lift the flap books, some little snacks to spread out across the journey. Why does a toddler needs an iPad in the first place, other than to reduce need for healthy parental engagement?

"he’s two, what do you expect me to do?"

I expect you to sit with your child in one of the many other carriages that are not intended to be quiet.