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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children choosing teams at school

67 replies

sunflowerdaisyrose · 31/03/2023 14:19

What do you think of this?

One of mine has come home upset about children picking teams in PE at school, I didn't know they still did that. It wasn't that she was chosen last but was chosen on a team with her bully in it so refused to take part and therefore was told off (she's 9)

To me I think the staff should choose teams bit to ensure fairly even teams, not provoking an inflammatory situation and destroying self esteem for those chosen last week after week.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MuffinToSeeHere · 31/03/2023 14:23

Surely the issue here isn't who chose the team but instead that your child refused to take part because she didn't want to work in a team with this other student. Would she have also refused if the teacher had selected the teams and they had been in the same group?

Sometimes we have to work with people we're not fond of, I don't think 9 is too young to understand you can't always be with your best friends.

megletthesecond · 31/03/2023 14:26

Yanbu. I thought this stupid practice was long gone.
Unless the PE teacher was also a bully and doesn't realise how nasty it is....

Whatafustercluck · 31/03/2023 14:30

I've never liked it, and I was quite sporty and one of the first to get chosen. I felt really sorry and cringed for those who were chosen last. I didn't think they did this any more either. Isn't it usually stand in a line and get given a team number?

Massive difference too between learning to work with people we don't like and having to work with someone who is actively verbally or physically aggressive against us.

Plumbear2 · 31/03/2023 14:40

I agree children pick the teams. But your child should not have refused the take part, the teacher was right to call her out on this . Instead she or you should raise the bullying with the school.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 31/03/2023 14:43

Always hated this even when I was chosen to pick. Archaic in today's schools.

Spiderboy · 31/03/2023 14:43

It’s a shit way of sorting out teams and lazy teaching.

your DC shouldn’t have refused to cooperate

BHRK · 31/03/2023 14:48

I’d be having a word with the teacher. If they knew you’re DD well the. They wouldn’t allow her to be put on a team with her bully and they shouldn’t be allowing kids to choose the teams. I don’t think there’s any issue with your DD standing up for herself

Peppermint81 · 31/03/2023 14:56

Ffs

How is this generation going to survive in the world

kezzielea · 31/03/2023 14:59

I think it's horrible. My ds used to do a before school football club and I used to hang around to watch a bit at the beginning. The coach always got them to do this and every week it was the same child left until last. It totally put me off the club.

latetothefisting · 31/03/2023 15:09

2 separate issues

No reason to still pick teams ffs too much potential for aggro

Even back donkeys years when I was in school we did it the reverse way-teacher picked two (or however many) captains and then we "picked" them (realistically just split into roughly the same sized groups) rather than the other way round. But it's far easier, fairer and faster for teacher to just go 1,2,3 and allocate them that way.

But I can't see what the alternative would have been even if the teacher had picked - either dd is with her bully (which she didn't like) or bully is in the opposing team and therefore more likely to target dd than if she was in the same team, if they are playing a sport against each other.

megletthesecond · 31/03/2023 15:12

pepp it's easier to survive if bullying isn't tolerated.
Being last to be picked and left out never toughened me up. Quite the opposite.

Original poster
sunflowerdaisyrose · 31/03/2023 15:36

@MuffinToSeeHere my AIBU was related to students picking teams for a variety of reasons. I thought it was outdated practice. Difference between working with people you're not keen on and an active bully. School are well aware of and generally dealing with it fairly well and they usually keep her away from my daughter at the moment.

@Peppermint81 so if your child was picked last every week you wouldn't mind? My AIBU is about the practice in general.

@megletthesecond I can see why, it must be so hard for some of the children and never (as an adult) have I been lined up with my peers and someone essentially rank us!

OP posts:
Original poster
sunflowerdaisyrose · 31/03/2023 15:39

By rank I mean favourite person to least, as that's how it tends to go in these situations!

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 31/03/2023 15:42

YANBU.

I’m surprised. Most PE teachers I know are heavily against it for all sorts of reasons. It has nothing going for it as a practice - it’s slow, it’s bad for social dynamics, it doesn’t result in even teams, nor allow for thoughtful balancing of abilities/knowledge/etc.

Northernparent68 · 31/03/2023 15:45

Ask the teacher if it’s occurred to her that the kid who is last to be picked is vulnerable to bullying

carriedout · 31/03/2023 15:49

Fucking PE teachers/teaching again. I wonder if 'limiting social inclusion' is a module on the PE PGCE.

I'd complain about the practice, but also it sounds like the bullying issue is not resolved?

carriedout · 31/03/2023 15:50

Peppermint81 · 31/03/2023 14:56

Ffs

How is this generation going to survive in the world

Their parents are not doing any better, and they were soundly bullied at school Hmm

gannett · 31/03/2023 15:51

I actually completely admire the OP's daughter for standing up for herself. Of course she shouldn't be expected to be on a team with her bully.

She'll be fine in the adult world, where workplace bullying is taken seriously in any decent company.

Wish I'd had her sense of what's right as a 9yo.

BananaPalm · 31/03/2023 15:53

Peppermint81 · 31/03/2023 14:56

Ffs

How is this generation going to survive in the world

Completely agree!

whoateallthecookies · 31/03/2023 16:07

It's not great, is it

In contrast, DD was involved in a football tournament among her year at school. Her teacher told me (at parents' evening) that the teachers had selected the teams, so 4 were good and competed against each other, and 4 contained the less sporty (very much including DD) so that they'd actually get to play rather than being ignored. Surely that's better for everyone.

CocoPrivileges · 31/03/2023 16:37

Agree it's crap and lazy teaching.

The PE teacher at DD's school used to let kids pick their own teams - presumably for an easy life and to make himself popular with the cool, sporty kids who want to be on teams with their friends.

Naturally no one wanted my unsporty DD or her equally unsporty friend on their team. One time the teacher said he would sort out a team for them but never did so they sat doing nothing for the whole lesson.

I complained to the school who, in fairness to them, were appalled and promised to speak to the teacher about his approach. Thankfully things have improved noticeably since then.

Dishwashersaurous · 31/03/2023 16:39

The issue is that your child has been bullied and won't do an activity with another child.

The teacher could have put them in teams and she would still have been in the team with the bully.

Original poster
sunflowerdaisyrose · 31/03/2023 16:58

@Dishwashersaurous well yes she would have and that is being dealt with - but the rest of the staff don't put them in groups together. Her situation isn't easy but I do think school are dealing with it reasonably well.

I just wondered what others thought about the selecting teams issue - not in this specific incidence but generally.

OP posts:
HazyDragon · 31/03/2023 17:03

OP have you spoken to the school about another child bullying yours? What have they done about it and have they said that there's an issue?

Your child refusing to be in a team because 'X' is on it, could also be deemed as bullying.

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 31/03/2023 17:15

YANDU. I’ll never forget the humiliation of teams fighting over which team wanted me less and the PE teachers just hanging around pretending not to hear.