To ask what actually changed when you had a second child

[TravelDazzle]

Just that really. Partner and I are so undecided about having a second. We have a beautiful 4yr old at the moment and I keep swaying between wanting another and loving our little family of 3. Partner feels exactly the same. We've decided to think on it and make a decision early next year.

For background, I really struggled with my first and she is what you'd call a pretty 'easy' baby. I had undiagnosed PND and took years for me to seek treatment (but feel so much better now).

In the meantime, please can you tell me exactly what changed in your life after having a second child (prerably with a 4/5 year age gap). I feel I need honest feedback so my judgement isn't clouded by looking back at cute baby pictures.

What did you decide @TravelDazzle ?

OP we have an age gap, which based on whats of people say it gets frowned upon. Ours is bang on 6 years. DS is 2-3yrs now and its great, honestly I wouldnt change it. He is hard work and is it is hard work but he is so much fun, DD, DH and all love playing with him age is no issue so dont let that stop you. My closest friend opted not to have another and her life is great in that she has more freedom but in a couple of years we will too. I dont think you would regret it and with PND you will be aware of this prior so speak to your doctor or Midwife about it. The big thing for us was we always wanted another child although we thought we had left it too late, but its not, its really not. Do whats right for you and your family and good luck with whatever you decide.

I am also the yougest by 6+years which for my parents was a joy as my siblings stopped wanted to hang with them in their teens but I didnt as I was so much younger.

The sleep deprivation again is hard. And everything takes so much longer so we have to start soo much earlier getting ready go go anywhere, or be late (I hate lateness so just start getting ready unreasonably early for everything haha !)

Other than that not a great deal has changed so far BUT DS is only 6 weeks old and I’m not back to work yet.
also DD is 6 years old so the age gap has been amazing - she is helpful and independent ! Other than her own issues but she would have those whether he was here or not.

oh and financially it’s a struggle being on stat mat leave. And then childcare fees.. so we will be skint for a few years.

It's been an interesting read this thread. We've got one DD, 4 year old.

Selfishly I know she'd love being a big sister, but the thought of going through pregnancy again, birth, lack of sleep etc. I quite frankly, can't be bothered to do it all again.
Our DD has been incredibly easy, so I almost feel like I've cheated the whole thing and got away with it.
I keep telling myself if I have another it'll be the complete opposite, or my child will have severe SEN and our lovely lives will be turned upside down.
It's selfish really, and I'm loving our free time now. My DH and I having time for our hobbies etc.

You've got to do what's right for you really.