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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant sick leave and inappropriate messages from boss!

61 replies

sadfacesmileys · 31/03/2023 08:00

Currently heavily pregnant and signed off for a couple of weeks with various issues.

My boss has made it clear he isn't happy about it. I emailed him yesterday to say I was hoping to be back next week, all being well, and he replied to say that spending a week with my team has highlighted many things that need to be implemented and that it had been interesting.

For context he's been most 'off' with me basically since finding out I was pregnant.

I'm quite upset by this message. My team are high performing, I'm very conscientious and work very hard.

I assume the message is meant to make me anxious or worry (well at least that's the effect it has had).

AIBU to think this is really out of order? Or just being sensitive?

OP posts:
NameChange60000 · 31/03/2023 08:05

He might be right in what he's said, but he should have waited until you're back at work to tell you that.

Cracklingfire1 · 31/03/2023 08:05

No extremely out of order. This conversation needs to be had face to face when you get back if he has an issue, only a passive aggressive bully would leave this worry and semi threat lingering.

Bobbybobbins · 31/03/2023 08:06

Totally inappropriate to message you like that while you are off.

dryingontheradiatior · 31/03/2023 08:07

Inappropriate to send you that while you're off. Personally I'd now get yourself signed off with stress until you go on mat leave, he can fuck off.

DESGUSTING · 31/03/2023 08:08

He shouldn't of done that.

How far are you?

I would be inclined to go on the sick, but be cautious as depending far you are maternity kicks in.

MrsMiagi · 31/03/2023 08:09

dryingontheradiatior · 31/03/2023 08:07

Inappropriate to send you that while you're off. Personally I'd now get yourself signed off with stress until you go on mat leave, he can fuck off.

Don't do that. If you are off sick 4 weeks before due date your mat leave is triggered immediately.

rwalker · 31/03/2023 08:09

Sounds like a normal message
you shouldn’t be treated any different because your pregnant and that works both ways

a call to ask about welfare and any idea on return to work is standard practice

LlamaFace19 · 31/03/2023 08:11

rwalker · 31/03/2023 08:09

Sounds like a normal message
you shouldn’t be treated any different because your pregnant and that works both ways

a call to ask about welfare and any idea on return to work is standard practice

What? He never asked about her welfare? Just gave a vague semi threat about making changes to her team when she comes back?

SeaDee · 31/03/2023 08:11

rwalker · 31/03/2023 08:09

Sounds like a normal message
you shouldn’t be treated any different because your pregnant and that works both ways

a call to ask about welfare and any idea on return to work is standard practice

It's not a welfare call. Surely you can see that?!

ilovesooty · 31/03/2023 08:11

Cracklingfire1 · 31/03/2023 08:05

No extremely out of order. This conversation needs to be had face to face when you get back if he has an issue, only a passive aggressive bully would leave this worry and semi threat lingering.

Absolutely what I was going to say. Bullying behaviour.

Babyenroute · 31/03/2023 08:11

Sorry to hear that you are ill. That is really horrible and manipulative of your boss, not how you treat someone who is well never mind sick and going through an anxious time as it is. I would try you hardest to think of it as it's not you, it's him, for the next few days while you properly recover and then listen to what rubbish he has to say when you are back in. You sound like you take a lot of pride in your work so I'm assuming it will be rubbish. Do you have a good relationship with other managers/ your boss's boss? His behaviour sounds discriminatory so it would be good to make sure everything isn't resting on your boss's opinion and others separately think highly of you/ or have as much evidence of the discrimination as possible.
Legally I am not an expert so all of the above is just me thinking of how I would feel in your shoes! ❤️ also, as a manager I can't imagine saying that to a team member while they are unwell, I'd assume hr would have something to say about it.

All the best for the birth of your little one

Aprilx · 31/03/2023 08:12

I think the timing was inappropriate, it could have waited, he should have brought it up in your next one to one.

But a manager commenting that some things need to be addressed in the workplace is perfectly appropriate if that is what they have noticed.

Nimbostratus100 · 31/03/2023 08:12

what a horrible person, and deeply unprofessional - this sort of conversation is had on the premises, while you are well. Don't let him upset you, whatever is happening at work, he is clearly very much in the wrong to communicate like that.

Just think of your lovely baby on its way!

ExtraOnions · 31/03/2023 08:13

Maybe he wants to implement a Reward Scheme because they are all such high performers. Maybe he wants to implement a new trashing programme that will give them valuable new skills … who knows. You are assuming and catastrophising - either ask him what he means, or wait and see.

ilovesooty · 31/03/2023 08:14

rwalker · 31/03/2023 08:09

Sounds like a normal message
you shouldn’t be treated any different because your pregnant and that works both ways

a call to ask about welfare and any idea on return to work is standard practice

Are you completely immune to that message? It's bullying whether she's pregnant or not. I hope to fucking God you don't manage anyone.

Twinedpeaks · 31/03/2023 08:14

Jesus it's not bullying behaviour. Maybe he's right? You emailed him and he responded, and now you're reading into it all. Maybe you're right, maybe he's right. Just deal with it when you go back

billy1966 · 31/03/2023 08:16

Awful message, vaguely threatening, meant to unsettle you.

Keep a note of it.

Call ACAS for advice.

WandaWonder · 31/03/2023 08:17

Twinedpeaks · 31/03/2023 08:14

Jesus it's not bullying behaviour. Maybe he's right? You emailed him and he responded, and now you're reading into it all. Maybe you're right, maybe he's right. Just deal with it when you go back

Yes this exactly

ilovesooty · 31/03/2023 08:17

Twinedpeaks · 31/03/2023 08:14

Jesus it's not bullying behaviour. Maybe he's right? You emailed him and he responded, and now you're reading into it all. Maybe you're right, maybe he's right. Just deal with it when you go back

Says someone who's evidently never been managed by a bully.

SwedishEdith · 31/03/2023 08:19

There's no need to make any comments about changes in the workplace at all via a text message while someone is off unless it was to say "I can see you've had a lot in your plate, look forward to catching up when you're feeling better". If there's something negative to be discussed, there is no need to mention it at all until the OP is back. People saying otherwise are odd.

Original poster
sadfacesmileys · 31/03/2023 08:20

Thanks everyone for the many responses.

I have just replied to ask if he can elaborate, and he's sent me a list of 6 bullet points of things that he's noted I/my team aren't doing or aren't doing in 'his' way.

He also said 'that's just off the top of my head as you've asked'

I'm actually not due back til a week Monday, but I am feeling better so was going to go back next week.

I've asked my boss for a call today as I didn't sleep last night and don't want to be worrying about this all weekend, I'd rather chat over his issues and resolve.

I'm torn between now not wanting to go back next week and just wanting to go back to save myself the stress.

They've just made my life so difficult since finding out about my pregnancy. It's destroyed my opinion of the company and made me want to leave after maternity leave.

I plan to go on ML at 36w anyway.

OP posts:
Antiquiteas · 31/03/2023 08:20

rwalker · 31/03/2023 08:09

Sounds like a normal message
you shouldn’t be treated any different because your pregnant and that works both ways

a call to ask about welfare and any idea on return to work is standard practice

I truly hope to fuck you don’t have any managerial responsibility, especially for women.

Jesus.

Shemovesshemoves21 · 31/03/2023 08:21

Twinedpeaks · 31/03/2023 08:14

Jesus it's not bullying behaviour. Maybe he's right? You emailed him and he responded, and now you're reading into it all. Maybe you're right, maybe he's right. Just deal with it when you go back

Maybe he is right, but emailing a passive-aggressive note to OP whilst she is off sick is unprofessional and inappropriate. He should've said, "Thank you for letting me know you hope to be back next week, I hope you're starting to feel a lot better. I'll put a 1:1 in your diary for next week so we can go over how you're feeling and some general work adjustments for the team. Look forward to seeing you next week."

Nimbostratus100 · 31/03/2023 08:22

I think this is horrific. Do you have a union? Or an HR department? He should not have contacted you when you were off sick, at all.

SwedishEdith · 31/03/2023 08:25

Your manager is a twat. Is it a small company? Any HR department?