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AIBU?

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Original poster

Pregnant sick leave and inappropriate messages from boss!

61 replies

sadfacesmileys · 31/03/2023 08:00

Currently heavily pregnant and signed off for a couple of weeks with various issues.

My boss has made it clear he isn't happy about it. I emailed him yesterday to say I was hoping to be back next week, all being well, and he replied to say that spending a week with my team has highlighted many things that need to be implemented and that it had been interesting.

For context he's been most 'off' with me basically since finding out I was pregnant.

I'm quite upset by this message. My team are high performing, I'm very conscientious and work very hard.

I assume the message is meant to make me anxious or worry (well at least that's the effect it has had).

AIBU to think this is really out of order? Or just being sensitive?

OP posts:
Antiquiteas · 31/03/2023 08:25

sadfacesmileys · 31/03/2023 08:20

Thanks everyone for the many responses.

I have just replied to ask if he can elaborate, and he's sent me a list of 6 bullet points of things that he's noted I/my team aren't doing or aren't doing in 'his' way.

He also said 'that's just off the top of my head as you've asked'

I'm actually not due back til a week Monday, but I am feeling better so was going to go back next week.

I've asked my boss for a call today as I didn't sleep last night and don't want to be worrying about this all weekend, I'd rather chat over his issues and resolve.

I'm torn between now not wanting to go back next week and just wanting to go back to save myself the stress.

They've just made my life so difficult since finding out about my pregnancy. It's destroyed my opinion of the company and made me want to leave after maternity leave.

I plan to go on ML at 36w anyway.

It’s sadly, not at all uncommon for women to be made to feel guilty for becoming pregnant. Bosses who make no attempt to hide their irritation or disdain, are frequent. I had one. I was in a fortunate position as I had already begun my own venture, which was going well, so I felt in a strong position to sit down and thrash it out with him. I was prepared to leave the job. It was uncomfortable, but mainly for him, as I’d documented everything he’d done. I went for him over his treatment of me and involved everyone I could. He avoided me for the remainder of my pregnancy (he was only unofficially reprimanded by the top dogs).

ilovesooty · 31/03/2023 08:26

Nimbostratus100 · 31/03/2023 08:22

I think this is horrific. Do you have a union? Or an HR department? He should not have contacted you when you were off sick, at all.

He responded to her email.

It's the nature of the response that's out of order.

LlynTegid · 31/03/2023 08:28

Asking when you will be back, or thanking you for saying when, reasonable. Not the response you got.

dryingontheradiatior · 31/03/2023 08:30

How far along are you OP?

Aprilx · 31/03/2023 08:31

sadfacesmileys · 31/03/2023 08:20

Thanks everyone for the many responses.

I have just replied to ask if he can elaborate, and he's sent me a list of 6 bullet points of things that he's noted I/my team aren't doing or aren't doing in 'his' way.

He also said 'that's just off the top of my head as you've asked'

I'm actually not due back til a week Monday, but I am feeling better so was going to go back next week.

I've asked my boss for a call today as I didn't sleep last night and don't want to be worrying about this all weekend, I'd rather chat over his issues and resolve.

I'm torn between now not wanting to go back next week and just wanting to go back to save myself the stress.

They've just made my life so difficult since finding out about my pregnancy. It's destroyed my opinion of the company and made me want to leave after maternity leave.

I plan to go on ML at 36w anyway.

Don’t have the call today. Rest up and deal with this when you are back in work.

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 31/03/2023 08:36

He's completely inappropriate. I manage staff and if I contacted any staff member on sick leave, pregnant or not, other than to check how the were, I would be disciplined whether the content was correct or not.

Speak to HR, pregnancy can be difficult enough without additional stress. Only a fool of manager would behave like this.

MrsToothyBitch · 31/03/2023 08:41

That response is awful and uncalled for. It's purely twisting the knife. Get ACAS and HR at work involved if you can on the grounds that this was unnecessary and not why you made contact. Are you able to list some of the other stuff he has said/done as well. It actually sounds like he might be trying to bully you out or "punish" you.

I actually have generalised anxiety disorder and I have been signed off with it before. It currently manifests as stressing me out about what going back to work will be like during my time off. A situation like this would absolutely ensure I came back early - although it would probably also turn me into a wreck and get me signed off again...

CheersForThatEh · 31/03/2023 08:42

sadfacesmileys · 31/03/2023 08:20

Thanks everyone for the many responses.

I have just replied to ask if he can elaborate, and he's sent me a list of 6 bullet points of things that he's noted I/my team aren't doing or aren't doing in 'his' way.

He also said 'that's just off the top of my head as you've asked'

I'm actually not due back til a week Monday, but I am feeling better so was going to go back next week.

I've asked my boss for a call today as I didn't sleep last night and don't want to be worrying about this all weekend, I'd rather chat over his issues and resolve.

I'm torn between now not wanting to go back next week and just wanting to go back to save myself the stress.

They've just made my life so difficult since finding out about my pregnancy. It's destroyed my opinion of the company and made me want to leave after maternity leave.

I plan to go on ML at 36w anyway.

You're signed off currently and you are now working by having that call to deal with something stressful caused by work.

You perceive a need to have that call to calm down. You cant meaningfully make any changes in the few weeks/months you have left and you will be going on maternity under stress.

Youre heavily pregnant.

My advice would be to get signed off now and take maternity leave on your due date and look for another before you go back.

Think seriously how you would feel if you went into early labour with stress. It's not just you now, you need to put your baby ahead of your job.

PurBal · 31/03/2023 08:44

Don’t engage. You’re off sick. They shouldn’t be contacting you beyond checking on your welfare.

Soontobe60 · 31/03/2023 08:47

Actually, their reply could be taken in different ways. However, just ignore, and wait til you’re back in work. Or reply with “oh lovely, can’t wait for a catch up!’

Sceptre86 · 31/03/2023 08:50

I didn't get signed off with my first pregnancy and I should have. I did with my second and third due to issues I have in the final trimester. Your mistake is engaging whilst off sick. If you have been signed off by a Gp then you should not be engaging with work at all so out of hours turned on and not accepting any phone calls. It seems he is mansplaining and trying to throw his weight around. I'd take your maternity leave and look for another job. I'm not a fan of companies that treat pregnant employees like an inconvenience. Those that take care of their staff are rewarded by staff going the extra mile and have good retention rates.

PlanningTowns · 31/03/2023 08:52

Honestly you shouldn’t have engaged beyond saying I have been signed off with pregnancy related medical condition as you are aware. Your message is inappropriate and should have waited until I returned. I will not engage with this conversation until I return.

I would also send your HR an email documenting this and his text and talk to your union rep (because you’re in a union right?).

id also be inclined to go back to your gp and show them what you are facing at work. If you are poorly additional stress will not be good for you

Brefugee · 31/03/2023 08:58

make sure you have printed copies of things appraisals and targets and your team generally before it gets nasty. Just in case you need to back up your assertions that it's about different POVs and not a productivity issue.

He's an arse.

MrsMoastyToasty · 31/03/2023 09:04

I am of the opinion that he has just realised in your absence just how much you do and that he is going to have to organise a handover before you go on maternity leave.

Ikilledthebabysharkdododuhdodudoo · 31/03/2023 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 31/03/2023 09:14

I would bounce right back
" I look forward to hearing about how my team can be further improved."
What an arse. Last time I was pregnant, I had a manager who spent his time moaning about the fact that I could fall sick and go off at any moment (I had been there 9 years and had a good sick record). Right up until he fell down some stairs and broke his leg 6 weeks before I was due to go off. Twat

billy1966 · 31/03/2023 09:27

OP,

Please protect your stress levels and pregnancy.

Get some good advice and document everything.

I think the call is a bad idea.

Let him hang himself via email so you have a paper trail that you can document.

Download anything from your work system that you need before you leave.

You really need to box clever and get good advice.

There is some pregnancy website that advises women who are being treated badly at work?

Perhaps someone knows the name of it?

HRTeatime · 31/03/2023 09:47

Don’t take the call. You want a record of all his twatishness, and a call only you hear becomes a he said/she said situation. You are off sick, don’t engage. Don’t stress, and when you are back ask for a meeting between you, him, and hr. Pretty sure he will change his tune sharpish then. Doing something a different way to his is irrelevant, as long as you are getting the right results. He’s a knob.

jayhoo · 31/03/2023 09:52

Agree, don't take the call. You are on sick leave . He's baited you and you've bitten. Step back

xogossipgirlxo · 31/03/2023 09:52

He's the boss, fine for him to asses situation and proposing changes. But while you're on leave? Complete twat. It's work conversation.

GG1986 · 31/03/2023 10:09

Keep all messages he sends and try to record the phone call if possible. He sounds like a twat. Call acas or speak to your company HR.

TokyoSushi · 31/03/2023 10:14

What a twat, of course it's a man. Honestly, don't have the call today, or engage any further. How long do you have left? I'd honestly just do the bare minimum to get through it, enjoy your maternity leave and spend the back end of it looking for another job.

Blossomtoes · 31/03/2023 10:20

Did you push him @FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb?

DeflatedAgain · 31/03/2023 10:32

Had something similar happen in October. I was signed off at 36 weeks. My boss ignored all my messages for 3 weeks 🙄

Hadjab · 31/03/2023 10:35

MrsMoastyToasty · 31/03/2023 09:04

I am of the opinion that he has just realised in your absence just how much you do and that he is going to have to organise a handover before you go on maternity leave.

That's how I read it.