An odd one..

[mamabear715]

I know it's a strange question, but how can you find out if someone has died?
My sister & I have a relative who has lived the last few decades pretty much as a hermit.. relative has one friend who told my sis that our relative is dying from cancer. (We believe this.)
The friend now won't contact us, despite calls, texts, letters.. I've suggested a police welfare check but as relative is very private (and likes smoking weed) it wouldn't go down well & would be intrusive if they are still alive.
Sister has contacted the register office locally but they can't tell us anything unless we have a date of death (well, if we knew that, we wouldn't need their help, sigh..)
Relative's wishes are that they have a council cremation, & that their relatives don't pay - but they are still our flesh & blood & loved & obviously we would like to know, pay respects etc..
We are all out of ideas.. :-(

Do you live close enough to call by?

Can you not write to your relative, and ask if they're OK? Tell them what their friend has told you, and that if it's true you really want to be there for them, as they are still loved, etc. End with something along the lines of, if this is the case, but you don't want us around, then sadly we are prepared to accept that, but please let us know that this is what you want. If we don't hear from you, then we will send the police around to check on you, as we need to know if everything is alright. That way, if they don't want the police checking on them, they will hopefully get in touch, and if they don't then I think you'd be perfectly entitled to get the police to do a check.

Google is your friend! It'll tell you where to look.

Hi ladies,
Thank you for suggestions, we have written several times (& even enclosed SAE) but nothing..
I would have defo asked for a police welfare check but my sis thinks it's a step too far & if relative is still with us, would be very upset that privacy had been invaded..
I am in the same city, just the opposite end. Sis in the next county.
There's nothing on Google.. deaths are only included up to 2019. Stumped. :-(

If you are in the same city then your only option (as you won't ask for a welfare check) is to go over there and check yourself.

Once they've been dead a while if someone applies for grant of probate you can find them on the government website for that sorry can't remember where that is

Same city? Then just drive there and see. Job done.

Deaths for 2021 can be searched for, not sure if there's anywhere if the death occurred more recently than that though www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/certificates/indexes_search.asp#Results

Thanks again ladies, we know relative was still with us up to autumn last year, have tried the probate link already but nothing, although relative would have very little to leave. We have reached out to the friend, in case he was worried that we would try to claim anything, telling him he's welcome to everything, we just want news, but to no avail.
I don't drive but could get a taxi up there, it just comes back to the privacy thing.. we don't want to cross the line & upset relative. :-(
Thanks for all ideas. x

Have a look online at Funeral notices in your town/City. It may be on there. Or ask anonymously on Facebook if there is a group that covers the area if the town where the relative lived. I did this a couple if years ago and several people contacted me privately with details of the person I was looking for.