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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it selfish to ride pillion on a bike with DH?

111 replies

Fifi1010 · 30/03/2023 18:02

My DH has a new motorcycle he wants me to ride pillion I have all the correct safety gear. I feel selfish though as we have a 10YO DD. I know it's likely to not happen but the thought she could be left an orphan. I do like going on motorcycles I find it really fun. Would you do it or are my days of motorcycling over and leave it just DH?

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 30/03/2023 19:50

Which way round is the question - are you unreasonable for riding pillion or are you unreasonable for feeling selfish?

I'm continually amazed by how many things women find to feel guilty, selfish and unreasonable about. Until MN I never realised this. Everything but breathing and doing what other people want seems to be fair game for a guilt-fest.

Nottelling15 · 30/03/2023 19:56

@TomatoFrog
What a silly narrow minded point of view
To say someone is a bad father because they have a slightly dangerous hobby
I ride and i have kids
I didn't start riding until after my kids were born
Does that make me a bad dad because I ride or because I enjoy some alone time?

Life is a lottery and you put yourself in danger every time you step out of your door or get in your car
Do you go shopping wrapped in bubble wrap to ensure your safe?

shggg245 · 30/03/2023 20:01

I get it op....I used to love riding pillion but stopped when my boys were born, plus my pre pregnancy size 10 leathers were just not happening 😊

My DH sold his bike last year after many years of riding, he had a very near miss (driver didn't see him) resulting in minor injury but it shook him up.

He's gonna get a summer bike, but no more commuting.

I didn't see a bike once, luckily the rider realised this and slowed down, I was appalled but this is how it happens in a split second.

My 18 year old son wants one, I've directed him towards classic cars as I just can't cope with the stress and I'm not ultra cautious.

Original poster
Fifi1010 · 30/03/2023 20:08

shggg245 · 30/03/2023 20:01

I get it op....I used to love riding pillion but stopped when my boys were born, plus my pre pregnancy size 10 leathers were just not happening 😊

My DH sold his bike last year after many years of riding, he had a very near miss (driver didn't see him) resulting in minor injury but it shook him up.

He's gonna get a summer bike, but no more commuting.

I didn't see a bike once, luckily the rider realised this and slowed down, I was appalled but this is how it happens in a split second.

My 18 year old son wants one, I've directed him towards classic cars as I just can't cope with the stress and I'm not ultra cautious.

Yes DH only rides for fun in the warmer months and good conditions. He often only rides early in the morning on longer rides so there's low amount of other cars. His main mode of transport is a car he also has a classic car so might not be enough for your DS 😁.

OP posts:
America12 · 30/03/2023 20:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

So no one with children should ride a motorbike?

2bazookas · 30/03/2023 20:17

DH and I have often flown in the same plane, travelled in the same train car or boat. We've even eaten the same seafood. It never crossed my mind that our children were at risk of being orphaned if the worst happened.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 30/03/2023 20:19

There's a reason doctors call them donor cycles. Don't risk that for your dd.

sheeeeeeshh · 30/03/2023 20:27

You're 63 x more likely to die if you crash on a motorcycle than in a car.

None if these other activities people have mentioned are anything like as risky as riding a motorbike.

It's just a fact 🤷🏻‍♀️

sheeeeeeshh · 30/03/2023 20:29

2bazookas · 30/03/2023 20:17

DH and I have often flown in the same plane, travelled in the same train car or boat. We've even eaten the same seafood. It never crossed my mind that our children were at risk of being orphaned if the worst happened.

None as risky as motorbikes. Google it 🤷🏻‍♀️

nomoremerlot · 30/03/2023 20:30

Well I certainly wouldn’t have had kids with such an irresponsible man but now you’re in this situation I would tell him he chooses between being “an adrenaline junkie” or having a family.

His priorities are all wrong.*

Peek fucking Mumsnet! 🤦‍♀️

CrotchetyCrocheting · 30/03/2023 20:35

When I first met dh he had a bike and I would ride pillion. It felt fun and romantic and wonderful. Then we had kids and dh got rid of the bike. I never ceased to be amazed by the amount of car drivers that just 'didn't seem us. No matter how safe a driver you are other people are twats and it is risky. We weighed it up and it just wasn't worth it for us.
Comparing plane crashes or seafood to motorbikes just isn't like for like. There is no escaping the fact that it is very risky and you are very vulnerable. Having said that I don't judge people that do, it is fun but once we had kids it just wasn't the same.

HappiestSleeping · 30/03/2023 20:38

midsomermurderess · 30/03/2023 18:25

Where are people getting that cringey ‘adrenaline junkie’ from? He has a motorbike. Lots of people do, ride them responsibly, yes, even if they have children, with no recklessness or death wish. Are these the, frankly, weirdos who won’t leave their kids alone at 17?

Because the OP described him as such in an earlier post.

Fairislefandango · 30/03/2023 20:42

Yes, riding a motorbike is dangerous, but so are 101 other activities that we all do on a daily basis.

I'm pretty sure I never do anything as dangerous as riding a motorbike. Wouldn't get on one if you paid me and wouldn't be very keen on dh riding one either. And no, that doesn't mean I wrap my teenage dc in cotton wool. Why would it?

LlynTegid · 30/03/2023 20:46

About 25% of people who have a car licence should not. For a variety of reasons, not just men who drive BMWs or those who have had a state pension all this century.

A pillion passenger is often the one who comes off worst in a crash (I never use the word accident because many are preventable). So reasonable to decline but your DH to continue, assuming he has had recent training.

Hatscats · 30/03/2023 20:49

My dad has always had motorbikes, before kids my mum went on the back all the time, she stopped when we were young - probably because of these thoughts. She goes on again now they are in their 60’s! When I was a teenager I went on the back a lot too - but he wouldn’t drive crazily fast and has always had sensible tourer type bikes.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 30/03/2023 20:54

Fairislefandango · 30/03/2023 20:42

Yes, riding a motorbike is dangerous, but so are 101 other activities that we all do on a daily basis.

I'm pretty sure I never do anything as dangerous as riding a motorbike. Wouldn't get on one if you paid me and wouldn't be very keen on dh riding one either. And no, that doesn't mean I wrap my teenage dc in cotton wool. Why would it?

Nice selective quoting - I never said anything about wrapping teenagers in cotton wool Hmm

My point was that people have different opinions on risk and danger and I would bet good money that you do something that other posters consider incredibly dangerous. Nobody lives a life free from unnecessary risk.

Ricco12 · 30/03/2023 20:55

I'm a biker so is my husband , well we were until we had children

I'm sorry having ridden the Uk roads for many years on a motorcycle I absolutely wouldn't encourage you to be riding pillion on you husbands bike.

Neither me or my husband ride anymore and it's simply because it's too risky and we don't think it's fair on the kids.

We both miss it terribly though Confused

CurlewKate · 30/03/2023 21:43

I wouldn't have a problem with him riding a motor bike. I would have a problem with him being an "adrenaline junkie." In my experience it's one of the very many synonyms for "irresponsible dick head"

icanneverthinkofnc · 30/03/2023 22:05

My cousin died riding a pedal cycle, leaving behind a husband and 2 children under 12. Accidents can happen. DH and I both rode motorcycles before we had DC. I only went out with him once or twice after having DC, purely down to practical reasons. We couldn't afford to run a bike and car, so the bike was sold when kids were small. Definitely would have kept it if we could have afforded both.

zurala · 31/03/2023 09:47

I had to read this thread to even understand the question. I'm amazed at how many people think riding a motorbike is selfish!

I would like to know other activities that Mumsnet considers beyond the pale as a parent please?

Are those charity wing walks ok? Or the charity skydives? What about going in a hot air balloon? Or on a busy motorway in a car?

We need a chart, stat.

HRTeatime · 31/03/2023 09:51

I personally wouldn’t be getting on the back of a bike belonging to any “adrenaline junkie”, kids or no kids. Seen a few too many of those seriously fucked up in hospital back in the days of working on the wards. Big fat no from me.

HRTeatime · 31/03/2023 10:02

zurala · 31/03/2023 09:47

I had to read this thread to even understand the question. I'm amazed at how many people think riding a motorbike is selfish!

I would like to know other activities that Mumsnet considers beyond the pale as a parent please?

Are those charity wing walks ok? Or the charity skydives? What about going in a hot air balloon? Or on a busy motorway in a car?

We need a chart, stat.

The is a staggering difference in the number of deaths and serious injuries between cars and motorbikes per miles travelled.

Is it selfish to ride pillion on a bike with DH?
Pringleface · 31/03/2023 10:03

Fucking hell. MN at its most batshit.

Original poster
Fifi1010 · 31/03/2023 10:15

HRTeatime · 31/03/2023 09:51

I personally wouldn’t be getting on the back of a bike belonging to any “adrenaline junkie”, kids or no kids. Seen a few too many of those seriously fucked up in hospital back in the days of working on the wards. Big fat no from me.

He's an adrenaline junkie but touch wood has never had an injury and he's very late 30s now. I work within brain injuries so I get it but it's weighing up risk Vs someone enjoying their life . He's always liked kitesurfing , sky diving, bungee jumping , rock climbing , scuba diving, snowboarding and driving. It's part of what attracted me to him his zest for life, if I banned him from his activities he would be depressed. If we divorced he would do it anyway. He's stopped the sky diving , rock climbing and bungee jumping of his own choice.

He has robust life insurance and wills, I can't marry someone and expect them to change their core personality especially when that's what I liked about them. I'm naturally quite boring and he's got me doing stuff I would have never said yes too 🤣🤣. Previously I hated the sea I've learnt to drive a boat , travel to a location no map , navigate my way back and moor up. I'm actually better at boating than DH.

OP posts:
Dotjones · 31/03/2023 10:24

I'm curious why someone would give up skydiving and bungee jumping because of the danger but would consider riding a motorcycle OK. Both the former are relatively safe compared to riding a motorbike because if the person is rigorous with safety procedures they are likely to be fine, riding a motorbike no matter how careful you are you are always at the mercy of other road users.

Personally I think motorcycles should only be used for sporting purposes on closed tracks, Silverstone, the Isle of Man TT, motocross and stuff like that. The idea of using one on a public road is ludicrous.