DP's attitude to small amounts of money - boils my piss. AIBU?

[MissMoneyBallBags]

Me and DP are on the same page about 'big' finances.

But our attitudes to small amounts of money don't tally, and it boils my piss.

Let me give you some examples:

• DP never ever scans his Clubcard at Tesco to get things at the lower price. We don't shop at Tesco for the big shop, so it's only really when he gets a meal deal for lunch at work. But why wouldn't you just scan your card?

• If there's a multi-buy offer on at the supermarket, DP won't get the additional items if we don't need the additional item that week. But this is stuff that we will probably need the following week or the week after. And we have room for it. So why not just get it while its on offer?

• DP has to do tax self-assessments. He missed the January deadline. He'll get fined £100 if its not done by end of April. But DP's away a lot over the next month so I don't see him getting around to it. So he'll just end up paying £100 to the government needlessly.

It's relatively small amounts of money. We can afford it. And its his money so his choice. So I know I'm kind of BU.

But I find it infuriating and wasteful.
I'm not advocating for him massively going out of his way to save a few pennies. I'm suggesting that things like bunging an extra bottle of squash in the basket when it's a 2-for-1 offer, or scanning your Clubcard at the self-service checkout aren't huge undertakings or impositions so why the hell wouldn't you do it?!
Please tell me you can see my perspective and I'm not being wholly U?!

No. But you seem to think he needs to view the whole thing through your priorities.

It is stuff that you want him to think about. But that he clearly doesn’t give a shit about. It’s £8 a month. Of money he is earning.

Just talking from my own experience but I could understand not being arsed to scan your clubcard, and I could also understand forgetting to file the tax return on time (although I'd be very annoyed at myself, but I am forgetful, so). It's the BOGOF thing that would annoy me! If you're buying juice anyway, and it's BOGOF, and you can clearly see that it is... I can't come up with any good reasons why you wouldn't get the second one. It's the type you like. It doesn't go bad (not for ages anyway). Baffling!

I'm sure all those who "don't care" about small amounts are also the ones who whinge endlessly about inflation and Amazon/Tesco etc making billions in profit!

You realise they're not giving you the points out of kindness, right?

@Kazzyhoward Interesting. I haven't looked into it. I don't do tax returns for myself so just going on what DP has said about fines and deadlines. Hmmm.

i'd be less worried about the £100 a year he'd be saving using his clubcard and more about the fact he's spending nearly £80 a month/nearly £1000 a year on shit sarnies, crisps and drinks for lunch.....

looking after the pennies indeed.

I'm sure all those who "don't care" about small amounts are also the ones who whinge endlessly about inflation and Amazon/Tesco etc making billions in profit!

Umm, no, I can't say I've commented on either topic more than the normal amount. Odd leap!

I really couldn't get worked up about the Club card points of money off or multi buy savings. The tax thing is an issue though but if he is paying the £100 late fee and happy to do so I couldn't get that worked up, it's his money and his choice. Maybe he worked overtime and made more than the £100 fine prioritising his time so it may work out more economical to pay the fine?

I agree with you, that's a whole other thread 😂😂😂

I can see why that's annoying.

I hate clubcards because you give them all your personal data and they give you about 5p in return. Tesco absolutely rinses you if you don't have one though, so I just don't go there if I can help it!

Plus Tesco meal deals are quite horrible and expensive - if you want to save money then make a nicer lunch to take in? I used to work in a factory making supermarket sandwiches, you wouldn't believe how many people's hands have been on a single sandwich!

@thecatsthecats

I did it by using my energy to look after the pounds - because if you focus on the pennies, you will actually always be focusing on the pennies (I disagree with that aphorism intensely!).

You're taking it too literally. It's not meant to be about pennies as such (though back in the day when the phrase originated, pennies were worth a lot more), it's meaning is about attitude towards money, etc. Of course, it's stupid to waste time and effort on saving a few pence if that's all you're going to do. What it really means is a greater awareness of money, avoiding waste, shopping around, reviewing your finances to understand where the money is going, making wise purchasing decisions, comparing options between different suppliers/different products, etc. Saving small amounts of money is very easy, and by doing so, you get into good habits for the bigger, higher value items. But lots of small insignificant savings also add up to bigger amounts too!

OP, I am absolutely like you. However, I realise that other people are different. For some people it is exhausting to think about all these little things. If money is tight then they just have to suck it up and do the extra mental work in order to get by. However, you have said repeatedly that you and your DP are not hard up. If he finds it hard work to save little bits of money, he should be able to opt out of that, in just the same way you are willing for him to spend extra money to buy things he wants.

I once bumped into an ex-partner after he had started earning quite good money. He mentioned what a huge relief it was not to have to think about the cost of small things. He said, "Now when I go in a shop and I want something, if it costs less than a fiver I don't even think about the price, whether I should buy a different brand, whether I should buy it somewhere else. I just buy it. So much less stress."

I cannot imagine ever behaving that way, no matter how rich I was. But I see that it was how he wanted to live and I don't think he's wrong for it.

Yeah, he DGAF about the late penalty. But being happy about it or not is by-the-by really. He's late with his tax return so he has to bloody well pay.

He earns the same amount every month so no overtime he's recouping the fine from as such.

I have this sometimes with my DP, he often doesn't worry about the small amounts and I often wonder if it's our upbringing. I was brought up on a council estate, with no money and often went hungry in my teenage years etc.
He's from a home that always had enough money and he's never had to worry about it.
Whilst we can afford it, and both have good jobs, I'm always ensuring value for money and doing things such as cashback websites etc. but he 'forgets.' Drives me mad but it's just the way he is.

That would drive me mad too. If the club card fob is on his keys it's no effort at all to just scan it! Depending on how often he gets meal deals the difference could be a few quid a week which adds up.

And £100 for the tax return isn't a small amount of money!

Yeah, I didn't mean it literally. I meant it as a wider attitude to money - saving where-ever we can because why wouldn't you?

The pounds in this analogy are also well looked-after

Yes, I think it is very much so.

Our background is a lot like you're and your DP's. My parents were dirt poor. DP's parents weren't well-off. But he never went without, he never saw his parents go without, he didn't live in a poor place with poverty all around.

Us having money now feels very tenuous for me. I can't shake that feeling. But DP's always been used to having enough so now feels quite comfortable with having more than enough.

I think this a difference of values and preferences. Unless, you need to count the pennies, I would let it slide. It obviously not a priority for your husband.

Hate to tell you but he will have already incurred a £100 fine - the filing deadline is 31st January and you receive an automatic £100 penalty if even one day late. Then additional penalties are applies of £10 per day once 3 months late. There may also be late payment penalties and interest if there's any tax due which is unpaid, so these will be racking up (tax advisor here.)

@carriedout and me too! Then again I rarely shop in Tescos- I don't always use my M&S or Waitrose offers either because it's like saving 60p off something I didn't intend to buy that day in a lot of cases.

They never want fridge stuff. Presumably it will go off sat in the collection Box

The Clubcard thing is two fold.

The Clubcard POINTS wouldn’t bother me. They are rubbish now, not like the old days where you got 4x the face value to spend on stuff you actually wanted.

The Clubcard PRICES are a different issue. For example 500g of cheese costs £5 or £3 with Clubcard. KitKats cost £2 or £1.25 with Clubcard. The price difference can be considerable.

£100 extra on lunches, £100 plus interest on late Tax return, £100 here, £100 there. It soon all adds up.

I’m with you OP.

Really interesting to see the arguments from posters that £100 extra spent on lunch is seen as not a problem but £100 fine for a tax return is not ok. Makes no sense to me but ok 🤷‍♀️

You keep asking 'why wouldn't you?'
Clearly the answer is because he can't be bothered. Its not worth the hassle. You don't need the money, the extra £100 a year won't add anything to your lives.
That's the only answer to 'why wouldn't you?'

He just doesn't want to. That's all there is to it.

I once bumped into an ex-partner after he had started earning quite good money. He mentioned what a huge relief it was not to have to think about the cost of small things. He said, "Now when I go in a shop and I want something, if it costs less than a fiver I don't even think about the price, whether I should buy a different brand, whether I should buy it somewhere else. I just buy it. So much less stress."

I cannot imagine ever behaving that way, no matter how rich I was. But I see that it was how he wanted to live and I don't think he's wrong for it.

I would be like the ex in this scenario and would find that so freeing and liberating!

Thank you, this is really handy to know. I don't do returns myself so just took DP's word for it. He's a fucking knob

@Belindabelle Yeah, I was meaning the prices rather than points