If you had your time again, what would you have done after leaving school and up to your 30s or 40s?

[WiltingFlowerz]

Me, in my dream life, would have had great health and would have managed far better throughout education - so I'd have gone straight through university full time instead of part time successfully instead of constantly being sick. Then I'd have moved to London (I did do this) and been amazing in a brilliant job in advertising (didn't do this) and made good money during my twenties, would have had an exciting time and taken my mum away on lots of holidays. Mum died a couple of months ago so not being in a place to treat her means I can't ever do that which makes me sad. We did manage one brilliant trip to Paris.

Anyway, knowing now what you didn't know at 18, if you could go back in time what would you do? What decisions would you make that would streamline your process to get you where you are today? Or would you do something completely different? Careers, babies, travel, relationships?

Or would you change absolutely nothing?

I really need distraction from my grief so please tell me all about the amazing exciting times you have either had, or would have if you could have one more try.

Done my Masters and possibly phd straight from degree. Too expensive now.

Would have definitely done more travelling pre-kids when I was starting out in my career but still lived at my mum's - didn't have to worry about mortgages and bills in the same way I do now and felt like I had no money worries! Sigh.

Bought stocks in Apple!

Studied to be a midwife, not got married and have just one, or no children.

I'd give up smoking earlier and take up yoga earlier, but other than that I wouldn't change a thing, I've had a pretty charmed life so far and I thank my lucky stars every day for that.

Saved more.

Lived abroad

Dumped twenties boyfriend and not got married.

Bought a flat in London in 2000.

I would start anti depressants in my late teens instead of listening to my mother and trying to deal with it myself for another twenty years, leading to me fucking up an awful lot of my life through crippling anxiety and self hatred.

Wouldn't go to uni- I'm not academic at all and I struggled. I got my degree but barely, and would have done much better going straight to work.

I would have:
Not gone to university- at least not until I'd properly decided what I wanted to do with my life
Stayed with my first serious boyfriend. We got back together, eventually, but it was a shit few years. We're married now.
Not gone on the pill. It caused horrendous migraines which I still suffer with 20 years later.
Got a job & bought a house. Prices started to rise when I was about 17/18... by the time I finished university, nothing was affordable locally. Some of my schoolfriends had bought houses really cheap just before it all went crazy. We're still stuck renting.
Not let myself gain so much weight when I was pregnant. Have struggled with my weight ever since.

I’d have pushed my ex harder to move to London for work as a session musician in the late 70s. Both our lives would have been fundamentally different. And far better.

Whilst I love my kids, I would never have married my XH age 22. We were too young. Hindsight has shown me that our church were more bothered by us not having sex outside of marriage than they were about us being a good fit for each other and having a relationship that could endure. Our 16 month engagement was considered too long.

We had 10 ok years. 6 bearable years. 4 years of hard work. Then we split.

I think I'd have started my career, moved round the country to progress, taken decent holidays and not had my children until I was at least in my 30s.

And hindsight has also told me I should also have appreciated my mum more than I did. Writing the eulogy for her funeral made me think about so much, and I wish I had the chance to tell her all the wonderful things I hadn't seen about her before.

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

Not moved to the U.K. for graduate school and end up staying.

Moved to London at 18 got a min wage job and bought whatever that I could.

I'd be a millionaire now!

I don't know. At almost 50 I regret now that I never had time to establish myself in a career before I became a SAHM; there were only five years between me graduating and having my first DC.

When I did go back after a decade at home, it was to a job in which family life was able to take priority, and after ten years of that I am now struggling with feeling unfulfilled but not sure what I should do now the kids are grown.

But I don't regret the SAHM years one bit - they were the best years of my life.

Studied a science or maths subject. Not trained as a teacher. I have a 2nd career on the go now but I wish I wasn't 10 years behind financially.

To go back and do different things would require me to have the confidence I have now at 46 but at 16 instead... I missed out so much in life and made the wrong decisions based on my total lack of self confidence at the time.

It’s a really hard question to answer. I’m happy with the place I’m in now (although I’m only in my mid 30s so there’s plenty of time for that to change). I have two children I adore - and if I changed a single tiny thing about my life I wouldn’t have the children I have, they could only have been made by that sperm and that egg!

But with that said, the route to this place in my life was often unhappy and I do regret large parts of it. I went to the wrong university for me. I pursued a career in law because I couldn’t really think of anything else to do. I’ve been reasonably successful in it so far but it’s very stressful and I don’t feel I’m naturally suited to it. I live in a nice commuter town in the south east but it never quite feels like home.

PS I’m really sorry about your loss OP.

I'd have dump my posh, pretentious, godawful poetry writing boyfriend instead of following him to a red-brick uni I didn't really want to go to, to do a course I didn't really care about but everyone thought I 'should' do and go travelling instead. Then once I got that out of my system I'd do the degree I actually wanted to do, and did end up doing eventually. I'd have more fun, take more risks, and worry less about what was expected of me. I'd have sex with whoever I wanted to have sex with while I was still young and gorgeous, because now I look back and think "fucking hell I was stunning" but at the time I had no idea.

Teacher here as well and this is exactly what I would have done. I really regret not exploring other career options.

Taken all three sciences. I dropped one at GCSE (private school) due to being a twatty teenager. My dad taught the subject so I didn't want to do it.....which then meant that actually I missed out on options at degree level.

I would have been braver after being made redundant after a big company collapse. I was so shocked and there was no jobs as the market was flooded with my ex colleagues and I ended up changing path. Big mistake.

Nothing different - except maybe stood up for myself a bit more

All of my many bad choices got me to where I am today and things have turned out alright. If I could guarantee that making changes would still result in me having the exact kids I have today I would

1. Start paying into a pension more and earlier.
2. Have been a lesbian. Most of my bad choices have involved men. I am a terrible judge of character.

Have had a lot more casual sex, and started writing novels earlier.

VW camper van, travelling NZ and Australia. Settled in some outback town and lived a simple life.
Grow veggies, keep goats or sheep and enjoy a warm climate.

These days, I think I would make a very good nurse - I'm good in a crisis, decisive, not squeamish and able to be caring, but it's definitely too late to start that now. However, I don't think I had all those qualities when I was younger, so who knows. I want to do a university degree when I retire, but I haven't decided in what subject, I am interested in too many things - that's partly why I could never decide what I wanted to be, and still haven't!!!

I would have moved to a city closer to home and set down roots there. Instead, I moved further away. Now I am nearly 40 and feel torn between giving up my community where I live now, and going back home to where I grew up.

Other than that, I wouldn’t change anything.