Friend’s DS only wants a catered uni!

[Breakfastbars]

Rather than filter unis by campus vs city, distance etc, my friend said her Y12 son is only picking ones that offer catered accommodation. This is ridiculous in my view and, even when I pointed out that he will only live in halls for the first year, she got cross and said she thought it was a perfectly valid filter. AIBU?

It's completely up to him. It's a completely subjective, individual choice and strange for you to give an opinion on your friend's son's catering preferences.

What on earth does it have to do with you?

This is all v interesting and I do get the consensus that I am BU. In my defence, friend’s DS wants to read Maths and as that is my ‘world’ she asked me what I thought of his list of unis to apply to. I confess I do think it’s a pity he’s ruling out, for example, Warwick and Imperial (top unis for Maths) purely because they don’t offer catering! But his choice as you all say.

I never went to university but if I had been able to I would have selected one on the basis of the combined mass of the University Council. (UC)
(a bloated UC possibly indicating a wealthy university)

Maths is very much not my specialism but I would have thought that if he is Imperial or Warwick material he would also potentially be Oxbridge material?

If he considers that he couldn't get into Oxbridge, he probably couldn't get into Imperial, either. It's VERY competitive. Warwick is similarly competitive for maths: as with Oxbridge, he'd need A* in both maths and further maths.

@ThanksItHasPockets he doesn’t want the pressurised atmosphere of Oxbridge though (short terms and one-to-one supervisions)

@ToWhitToWhoo it’s not that he couldn’t get grades for Oxbridge, more that he doesn’t want that environment (see PP) so won’t apply

Completely fair enough but that is different to not being 'Oxbridge material', which implies aptitude rather than preference.

As pp have said, it's just as reasonable or unreasonable as the other criteria that students may use. Also, it may not be just catering for catering's sake: a catered university is, for example, more likely to have staff around to help out in a variety of situations, and also more likely to have central facilities for students to meet up.

Interesting though that Oxbridge offers exactly what he wants from a catering perspective! Indeed, one of the rationales for being fully catered is that it frees up students’ time to focus on study rather than cooking and shopping.

Is it possible that this focus on catered halls is a sign that he does hanker after the Oxbridge experience but is lacking in confidence/info about what it might actually be like to study there?

Everyone has their own reasons for choosing a specific uni. Some of the reasons, you are hearing second hand from his mums POV, may seem to you to be silly but it doesn't make them any less valid to the person who is making the choice.

You do seem very intent on judging his criteria and thought processes 🤔

You are not being unreasonable, it is a ridiculous way to choose your uni. I mean, completely ridiculous. Signing up for £9k debt per years for fees, plus the about £9k cost of attending (probably more in catered halls!) and deciding location based on whether you can be catered for rather the quality of course you’ll be undertaking?! My mind is officially blown.

Yes you are being unreasonable. Are you paying for it? Why is it important to you?

You are being unreasonable. It's up to your son's friend .Lancaster uni offers this and in some ways it helps them settle into uni life a little slower and allows them time to adapt.

The catered option is more than just having food prepared etc for you. The dining hall is a great social place where you can meet people that aren't on your course or in your flat.

I have actually been looking that way for my son - I am only helping him with his search of course, but I thought it might be helpful for the first year at least to have catered halls.

My DN had catered accommodation their 1st year at uni. They were in a different continent never mind a different country and it helped them find their feet. 2nd year they shared with a friend in a flat share.

My DD wanted non catered and was an ok cook, but was only offered catered in Bristol and surprised me by liking it, and the food was good. Pricey tho. Has been living out in flats and in 4th year now, has become a great cook.

Dd - living and breathing a hobby where eating disorders are rife throughout her teenage years, and knowing it as a shadow that lurks waiting - wanted catered halls to be an option so that getting food would always be ‘easy’ and ‘I can’t be bothered to cook’ would never be an excuse to slide onto the slippery slope of ‘not eating’.

As it happens, she self caters much of the time in very limited facilities rather than being catered for, but when the going gets tough, adequately nutritious food is always just a step away. Both she and I are glad of it.

The point is it's a crap reason on which to base your higher education decision if you want to get the best possible education for you and your career aspirations. Uni isn't a cheap choice - it needs to be a good one. Clubbing isn't a great first criterion either but at least that lasts the full three years, not just your first one in halls!

But you've long since taught your son to confidently cook for himself and for others, so he doesn't have to limit his choice this way. Right?

@Stravaig loving the sarcastic tone so sorry to disappoint but yes. DS learnt to cook in lockdown and is expected to purchase the ingredients (reimbursed by us obvs) and cook a meal for us all (family of 5) once a week. Also been doing his own washing and ironing since y10.

Why do you care?

Stop judging so much and focus on your own life.

So what on earth is the problem?