To consider giving up work?

[Nettlesandbriar]

I know MN tends to be anti SAHM, but I have a fairly unique set of circumstances which contribute here.

I was pretty old when I met DH and had already lost both parents. After my dad (surviving parent) died I bought a flat outright as an investment, this is rented out. So I do have a small income from that. I also had a house I used to live in which is now rented out; however there is a mortgage on that and we don’t really make a profit as such.

I was 40 when I had DS. He’s now 2, and I’m expecting his brother / sister midsummer.

DHs work has always been a bit all over the place and I knew this and it’s what I signed up for. He sometimes works away, visiting clients, sometimes abroad but mostly in the uk. What has changed recently is that when he wasn’t visiting clients he was good to WFH but now the company as a whole want people to come in Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and only WFH Monday and Friday if they aren’t visiting a client.

I work three days a week and these have to either be at the beginning or end of the week, Monday to Wednesday or Wednesday to Friday. I also teach, which is very inflexible and a real headache when (which isn’t unheard of) DS is ill and can’t go to nursery and Dh is away. Things like parents evenings can prove difficult. In the future I know it will work out well from a holiday point of view, but right now it’s a stress.

If I wasn’t working, I keep thinking that we’d all have so much more flexibility. Even things like being able to spend time as a family in term time on holiday without spending a fortune. If DH goes to visit clients in e.g. Ireland we could all go, I could see some of the local sights etc and have DH around in the evenings rather than trying to wrangle two kids and a job (albeit part time) alone. At the moment, things do feel rushed and frantic and as if everything is a stress. We have a good relationship, we are kind to one another, we help one another out, but even so, we are only just managing in many ways.

Is it madness? I don’t know. When I first went back three days a week it felt like living the dream but now I’m longingly thinking of just dropping that side of my life

My friend is a teaching - similar situation but she agreed with the head to do 2 days as a job share because she liked the school and didn't want
The uncertainty of job hunting again plus things change in 5 years too; I'd say if you can do 1-2 days then do it keep your hand in, it's only 39 weeks of the year so 2 days is only 78 days out of 365 - when you think of it like that it's nowhere near as bad 😊

Plus the 30 hours funding will kick in for 1&2 year olds which would more than cover 2 days a week so that's another bonus 💰

Can you take a career break? I know several teachers who have done this.

I think that being a SAHM is very different when you have an established career (which is unlikely to change too ridiculously in a couple of years) and you own property. Plus you are married.

If you can afford it then make the most of it. But it can be lonely if you don't have plenty of people around during the day.

You'd be better to make the decision now and capitalise on the most expensive period for childcare.

If you don’t have to work and it doesn’t bring you joy, why bother?
Do what works for you.

Do it!! I gave up work 7 years ago when my daughter was born (now have 3 kids) and I don’t regret it for a second. We also had a specific set of circumstances that made it possible financially and I think if you’re able to spend these early years at home it’s so wonderful for you and your kids. It sounds like you have the kind of work you can go back go (as do I) so you don’t need to worry about ‘keeping up’ with things. All the best.

From a teacher who has, through circumstance, been a SAHM since DD2 was born and now returning to work (she will turn two just after I go back) in Sept I was astonished a) at how hard it is to get a job as a teacher, out of teaching and b) how easy it was to get back in. I've just accepted a mat cover post as a top of the scale teacher when there were ECTs (who came across very employable) also on interview. I am a very shortage subject in a not very popular area though. On top of that I had two more interviews lined up and when I withdrew from one they got in touch to ask me if I would be able to do a long term cover for them until my new job starts! Same issue here though that DP work pays the bills, is unpredictable, and our childcare options are crap until DD1 starts school as no wraparound for preschool.

So I would say if you can afford it and want to do it, have the time off, don't be worried about getting back into teaching at a later date, assuming you aren't qualified in something where there isn't such a shortage. Really I wanted a PT WFH role in some sort of allied industry, so I could do the school runs etc, but so does the rest of the world. I wasn't even getting first stage interviews for some of what I applied for.

But no such trouble getting back into teaching after a break, if you'll be able to produce solid references when the time comes I wouldn't worry about that side of things as and when you need to. I'm hoping to just keep picking up a series of mat covers and suchlike and just squirreling money away for months where I'm not working, more predictable than supply!