Tell me if I am unreasonable or if the Coach was out of line

[Namechangedforasec]

I am completely prepared to be told I'm overreacting and that I am the problem but I need to ask for some unbiased perspective.
My son has played on the same team for a few years now and the head coach is amazing - fantastic, cannot say enough good things about him. My problem is with the new assistant coache.
Every year the head coach hosts a spring and summer training exercise to help condition the team, and so my son goes to as many of the practices as he can, though none are compulsory. It's a very easy-going atmosphere and siblings and parents are welcome to join in.
This past weekend we attended the first spring session and it was pretty standard, the same as the other ones. We got to meet some new players and their families. We also got to meet a new assistant coach.
I've never seen this coach before and this was my first time having any contact with him, which isn't too uncommon, however, I do coach spring soccer and cheer through the county and so know most of the repeat coaches.
Anyway, during the training session the assistant coach spent a great deal of his time on the sideline talking to parents and entertaining them with anecdotes of how he was attacked by a shark (showed us the scars - completely unsolicited). I didn't think too much of it, I kinda thought that if I'd survived a shark attack I'd probably tell people about it too... I digress.

So, the assistant coach was having a good time, overall, and seemed likeable, however, the only time he DID leave the sideline was to approach my son and pull him to the side and have private chats with him. I didn't say anything because I have been known to be THAT parent who hovers, and I thought it was maybe just some chitchat about performance and technique, Initially.

This happened at LEAST 6 times over the two hour period. The coach didn't speak to any other player the entire time and never once touched base with the head coach.
Weird, thinking back on it now, considering he spent little time actually watching defense, and had delegated his task management to one of the older players on the team. The only time he had his back turned to the parents was when my son was up for a maneuver, he watched then.

I will add that the head coach has two other assistants who were actively engaging with the coach and players/families. This particular coach just seemed to he hanging around and having a good time. I know he is allowed to coach through the parks and rec division because the head coach told us all at the beginning of practice that he'd managed to acquire a third assistant coach, which was sorely needed this year because most years at least one coach drops out midway though the season.

Anyway, after every session, the team (and anyone else who wants to volunteer) helps pack up all of the exercise and training equipment the head coach brings for the team to use. On this particular afternoon my son ran up to me after practice and was smiling ear to ear saying he was gona go with the new assistant coach to get some frozen yogurt...
I was sitting with my husband and my best friend (her son is also on the team) and I was kind of shocked for a second. I asked if he meant head coach, because that would have been fine, our families know each other well and we socialize and our kids have sleep overs. I initially thought coach had told my son to run and ask me if he could go with them.
He said no, the new coach...
I asked when this all was decided and he said that the assistant coach told him a few times when he had talked to him during practice that if he did really well at practice he'd take him for frozen yogurt after practice. Told him it'd be a lot of fun and that they could get some pizza too, because the pizza place is next door to the yogurt place.
I was fucking speechless. So were my husband and my best friend.
A few minutes after I told my son no, he could not go, the assistant coach made his way over and asked my son if he'd let me know, and my son told him 'they said I can't go', and he stalked off to help load up the head coach's truck.
The assistant coach asked me if it was okay if my son went, they wouldn't be gone long. And he would even bring him back home. Please keep in mind these practices are at public places, the coach could only get my address by asking me or my son, or looking through my file in the parks and rec office...
I told him no, my son would not be going and he would do better in the future to not approach children with whom he has absolutely no rapport, and privately invite them for yogurt and pizza.
Who does that?
He got defensive and said it was a nice gesture is all, that he appreciated my son's hard work.
I was shocked he was defending himself, to be honest.
I want to add a few things.
My son is not a stellar athlete. Not on this planet or any other. He always gives it his best and we always support him because he wants to do well, but it isn't like he's the teams star linebacker. Not saying that the idea that he should be given special incentive is far fetched, but there are just as many other players deserving of special treats on the team, besides my son.
The assistant coach didn't even know my name or my husband's, he never bothered to ask... He spent the time joking and laughing but didn't make any effort to make introductions with the parents...
Another thing, the overwhelming majority of volunteer coaches have children on the team or in the league, that's why they do it. Or they are still coaching after their children have aged out of the league.
This coach, according to himself, doesn't have children. It isn't like he was gona take my son and his OWN child for yogurt and pizza, even that would have made me less wary, to be honest. but no, he was solo. And told my son he would take him to have pizza and yogurt without ever having introduced himself to me or my husband, we don't even know this man... I got the impression he told my son BEFORE asking my permission, or my husband's, hoping that we would feel compelled to let our son go... Does that make sense?
I feel like I'm beating a dead horse. I've given as much pertinent info as i can...
So you tell me, am I unreasonable for feeling like something was off?
I am thinking I'll give the head coach a call this afternoon but I'm not sure. I do not want to start an issue where there is not one, and to even be accused of something inappropriate, for an innocent person, must be devastating, but I can't shake the feeling something was off about the situation.
Is it me? Am I the problem? Am I unreasonable?

What a horrible situation but well done for spotting and reporting. You may have saved countless children 💐

As a child my attempts to alert adults to abuse were met with minimisation and dismissal

I can’t tell you how encouraging and hope-inducing your thread has been, start to end

good people do good, even when it might make them ‘look bad’

frankly I’d have a million of you being protective and proactive because that’s who kids need

wishing you all the very best with your family and new addition

tearful at the near miss is infinitely better than the devastation caused by ignoring red flags

thank you, thank you, thank you xx

Hoping all went smoothly and you're snuggled up with your new bundle of joy

My child has just changed sport’s coach after the other left. The old coach was fantastic and very supportive. The new coach immediately drew my attention. My child isn’t the best at the sport and the new coach chose my child and friend to demonstrate at the front of the class. I thought, oh, they’ll enjoy that! But then throughout the session the new coach seemed to be quite ‘hands on’ with the students. Instead of giving verbal guidance, they were giving more physical ‘hands on’ guidance. Adjusting physically. They seemed to, in that session, concentrate at lot of their attention on my child’s friend: kept adjusting their form, with their hands. Seemed much more hands on than the other coaches with their groups.

I don’t normally pay much attention to what’s going on because my child doesn’t like me to watch, so I don’t tell them off for not paying attention, mostly I think! Also, I use it as a bit of a social session with other parents.

Something kept me watching, maybe because of the change of coach. I remember watching the first couple of sessions with the last coach, but then was satisfied with them and my child was happy and seemed to have taken to old coach.

Speaking at bedtime, after the first session, as they do 😂, my child told me the new coach asked about where my child comes from, if they were British? We do come from another area, so thought perhaps they’d picked up the accent. Then my child said it turns out the coach is from the same area as where I grew up. However, instead of it making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, I’m left with the feeling that there’s something not right.

I feel like this person is a wrong’un! I’m having a debate with myself, but only a suspicion. When you are born and grow up in a community, you get to know it pretty well. Whilst I don’t know this person, they remind me of a type, if that makes sense. I feel like my spider senses are tingling!

I have made the mistake of discussing my misgivings openly at home. Now my child is saying she is picking up vibes too and it’s reminding her of other times they’ve felt uncomfortable in other peoples’ presence. It appears to have triggered my child’s trauma of those two experiences.

Is this my child picking up on what I’ve said at home, on their experiences of past trauma. Or should I listen to my instincts?

@Anxmatmum it may be useful to start a new thread.

I think you should listen to your instincts, do you know the other child's parents and were they there?

Is this a sport where they actually needs hands on contact? My DD does one and the club has very very clear safeguarding rules around it - what the athletes wear, what they should do if they feel uncomfortable etc.

The frozen yogurt and pizza thing is ill-judged and a bit weird, even if well intentioned.
However you do sound precious over everything else. The kind of parent who is very heavily involved in the club, and has set ideas on how everything and everyone should be.

Read OP’s updates!

@Anxmatmum
Hi! Sorry i thought this thread had died.
I would advise you to always go with your gut.
I updated the thread a few times and I am very glad i went with my instincts on this.

For the poster who asked, I had my baby a few months ago and this are going great, readjusting to a new baby in the house again!

@JMSA I, too, wondered if i was overreacting. I do tend to watch my children more closely than others might, but that is only because of my line of work. I'm hyper-vigilant, and have never had so many red flags scream at me all at once.
Overall, im glad I was paying attention and even more glad I spoke up.