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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH not to cook stuff that triggers sickness in pregnancy

67 replies

dryingontheradiatior · 27/03/2023 15:48

I am in the first trimester of pregnancy suffering with very bad nausea and food aversions.
DH is WFH and I asked him to nip downstairs to see to DD quickly as I'm exhausted and she needed something that required a lot of getting up and down etc, I just want 10 minutes sat down and he went to the gym on his lunch which I feel could have been spent giving me a breather...He does generally do a lot and understands I need to rest so I'm not gonna be too annoyed by this.

Anyway, he did come downstairs and sorted DD out. He also took the opportunity to cook something that smells awful. I think it's peri peri chicken or something.

I have very bad nausea and one of the reasons I'd sat down for a while was to try and let this pass. Now the house absolutely stinks. I've just shouted upstairs for him to come down, open windows and spray air freshener, which I think has irritated him slightly as he is trying to work. He has stayed upstairs.

This has also happened on two other occasions with some chicken steak things that made me run to the toilet to throw up.

AIBU? I feel like absolute trash and he knows that I can't deal with food smells. I'm not expecting people to eat only things I can tolerate whilst I feel like this as they'd be eating very little, but I don't think asking for the smells to be masked with air freshener is a lot? I don't know if I'm being OTT and sensitive right now or not.

OP posts:
Chickenly · 27/03/2023 15:50

YANBU at all. There’s a subreddit about hyperemesis gravidarum - show that to him to help him understand.

Oysterbabe · 27/03/2023 15:52

Chicken was definitely a big vom trigger in my pregnancies, I fact most meat. I'd be irritated too even if it's a bit unreasonable.

GoodChat · 27/03/2023 15:53

Oh I don't know, air freshener was a killer for me when I was pregnant!

Original poster
dryingontheradiatior · 27/03/2023 15:54

The air freshener isn't great but DD is obsessed with spraying it after she's been to the toilet so I can't escape it anyway. And it's better than chicken 🤢

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 27/03/2023 15:54

tell him to cook it in the oven and to air the place out - would that work?

theheck · 27/03/2023 15:54

@dryingontheradiatior well you kind of are expecting him to not cook anything. What if your aversion changed to cheese? When I was pregnant my aversions could change so quickly it's not unreasonable to expect him to open a window but it is unreasonable to expect him to ask you if it's okay if he Cooks this particular thing

Original poster
dryingontheradiatior · 27/03/2023 15:57

I should have changed my thread title, I've asked him to open windows and spray air freshener after cooking these things. Same as DD will be eating her normal diet but windows will be open whilst it's cooking and air freshener after.

OP posts:
BatFaceOwl · 27/03/2023 16:00

I know I'm completely missing the point here but please take it easy on liberal spraying of air freshener. It just means you have floral scented chicken and it's really bad for you anyway

Aftjbtibg · 27/03/2023 16:04

I’d take into account that when you’re pregnant smells are magnified so for him it may be that he doesn’t think it does smell; personally I’m not sure they do have a strong smell but I remember when I was pregnant I could smell things that other people couldn’t that triggered my sickness

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 27/03/2023 16:08

I had severe HG and my partner used to check with me before cooking almost everything apart from potatoes, rice or pasta.

Original poster
dryingontheradiatior · 27/03/2023 16:11

Potatoes, rice and pasta are definitely the safe things at the moment...they are in fact all that I can eat.

OP posts:
Anotherturnipforthebooks · 27/03/2023 16:29

They're pretty much all I ate for the entire pregnancy.

I hope your nausea stops soon.

endoftheworldniteclub · 27/03/2023 16:37

Yanbu, but air freshener is really bad for you.

MaireadMcSweeney · 27/03/2023 16:38

YANBU!!
My XH didn't cook meat for months when I was pregnant. He ate it out or not at all. He's a really selfish man too so if he can do it any man can!!

xogossipgirlxo · 27/03/2023 16:42

No, YANBU. It was no smelly foods rule in our house, and husband only ate what I didn't eat. He preferred to check beforehand what I can stomach ATM and left it for me. Your husband needs to suck it up, as you're in much worse situation now.

MrsDoylesDoily · 27/03/2023 17:09

I've just shouted upstairs for him to come down, open windows and spray air freshener, which I think has irritated him slightly as he is trying to work.

If he was working, why couldn't you have done it then?

Also, if you think the smell of the air freshener isn't great, tell your DD to stop with that too.

Broadbeachshallow · 28/03/2023 09:54

Yanbu. If you can deal with constant nausea, he can deal with a bland, chicken-free diet.

I hope the sickness passes for you soon and you feel better.

GiltEdges · 28/03/2023 10:03

MrsDoylesDoily · 27/03/2023 17:09

I've just shouted upstairs for him to come down, open windows and spray air freshener, which I think has irritated him slightly as he is trying to work.

If he was working, why couldn't you have done it then?

Also, if you think the smell of the air freshener isn't great, tell your DD to stop with that too.

Precisely. It takes all of about 30 seconds to do. So YABU.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 28/03/2023 10:12

He should be opening a window not spraying air freshener. He is also working so shouldn't be cooking or coming down to give you a breather, unless its a designated break, same as he wouldn't be able to if he was in an office

Shoxfordian · 28/03/2023 10:16

Yabu, he’s working and you can open a window or squirt some air freshener around if you need to

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/03/2023 10:19

dryingontheradiatior · Yesterday 16:11
Potatoes, rice and pasta are definitely the safe things at the moment...they are in fact all that I can “

I found I could eat mash, peas and those boil in the bag fish in sauce things. Didn’t smell when cooking and usually stayed down. Ate very little else for about 5 months. Worth a try? Are you drinking ginger tea? Nairns ginger biscuits helped too.

MaryPoppinsHat · 28/03/2023 10:21

Hope the nausea eases up! My DH was definitely mindful of this... One particular instance of me coming home early whilst he cooked smoked haddock 🤢🤢🤢 literally in the door ten seconds then had to sprint to the loo with the smell!

First 16 weeks all I could eat Ritz crackers and small cubes of cheese... Grapes if I was feeling adventurous. Sending hugs 💐💐

Seeline · 28/03/2023 10:23

I think you are being a bit unreasonable and I say that as someone who had bad sickness with both my pregnancies (signed off work for 4 months).
All smells triggered me - felt sick 24/7 regardless, but smells made me vomit. You can't expect people not to eat - especially when one is a child. Air freshener isn't great either . You should be able to open a window!
If your sickness is that bad I suggest speaking to your GP for medication. You can't expect your DH to look after your DD if he is WFH - you need to be in a fit state to manage her.

Redebs · 28/03/2023 10:24

'Air fresheners' are pretty toxic and better not to use them when pregnant or around children. Chuck them out.

I think your husband ought to be doing his bit to help you though pregnancy by asking you before he cooks something if it's ok with you.

Considering what you're going through, it's the least he can do.

Scalottia · 28/03/2023 10:25

You can probably manage to open a window yourself. He's working. YABU.