To expect DH not to cook stuff that triggers sickness in pregnancy

[dryingontheradiatior]

I am in the first trimester of pregnancy suffering with very bad nausea and food aversions.
DH is WFH and I asked him to nip downstairs to see to DD quickly as I'm exhausted and she needed something that required a lot of getting up and down etc, I just want 10 minutes sat down and he went to the gym on his lunch which I feel could have been spent giving me a breather...He does generally do a lot and understands I need to rest so I'm not gonna be too annoyed by this.

Anyway, he did come downstairs and sorted DD out. He also took the opportunity to cook something that smells awful. I think it's peri peri chicken or something.

I have very bad nausea and one of the reasons I'd sat down for a while was to try and let this pass. Now the house absolutely stinks. I've just shouted upstairs for him to come down, open windows and spray air freshener, which I think has irritated him slightly as he is trying to work. He has stayed upstairs.

This has also happened on two other occasions with some chicken steak things that made me run to the toilet to throw up.

AIBU? I feel like absolute trash and he knows that I can't deal with food smells. I'm not expecting people to eat only things I can tolerate whilst I feel like this as they'd be eating very little, but I don't think asking for the smells to be masked with air freshener is a lot? I don't know if I'm being OTT and sensitive right now or not.

Presumably because running up and downstairs is quite difficult when you are on the point of puking?

This takes me back. I stuffed tissues up my nose. I couldn't walk past some shops. In store bakeries, it's truly miserable. Other things that I could smell safely the taste of it would set me off. Crackers, tea, satsumas and strawberries was pretty much it

You have my sympathy.
I used to get sick just from the smell of DH opening the fridge when I was pregnant. Not fun!

I know some things could be harder when pregnant but being pregnant does not make someone totally incapable and demanding the rest of the household changes what they do

Air freshener should be banned awful stuff

WandaWonder · Today 10:31
I know some things could be harder when pregnant but being pregnant does not make someone totally incapable and demanding the rest of the household changes what they do

Air freshener should be banned awful stuff”

It dies, for some people. SIL was hospitalised with most of her pregnancy with their twins, on drips and exhausted.

agree about most air fresheners.

Have you ever experienced HG? If not, you have no idea what you are talking about.

I lost so much weight when I was pregnant that I had to go out to buy smaller sizes within 2 weeks of giving birth because my pre-pregnancy size 10 stuff was falling off me.

I vomited so much that it caused damage and I have had chronic heartburn since.

It caused other sensory issues with clothes and noise that I'm still not fully over 4 years later.

The least my partner could do was try to make home the most comfortable place it could be while this was happening.

I really feel for you because I had really bad sickness too. I think he should avoid cooking very strong smelling food for now, but tbh any food could potentially trigger sickness. It’s reasonable to ask him to keep the kitchen door shut and open windows but no way would I want air freshener sprayed around. I’m not at all paranoid about “chemicals” in general, but using air freshener sprays means inhaling chemical perfumes and propellants unnecessarily. I certainly wouldn’t have used them in pregnancy.
It would be good to wean your DD off them too. Striking a match then opening the window is much healthier. Feeling that you need to cover up temporary bad smells in the toilet with artificial flower scents isn’t healthy.

One whiff of air freshener I'd have been hurling. Pregnancy is weird.

I’m allergic to perfume so you definitely won’t get me in your side with spraying that carcinogen around.

saying that I couldn’t stand the smell of bacon or wood fire smoke when pregnant with my first and they were all around me a lot it felt like.

She was already downstairs, he was upstairs working.

Open doors and windows, light candles. Plain candles are a great way of removing smells.

My sympathies, it's awful.

Hi, OP

I'm with you, currently experiencing food aversion and nausea. YANBU

Most people in families love and care for each other, and would be absolutely willing to eat a slightly blander diet for a few months if it meant not triggering nausea and vomiting for another member of the family. It's not a big ask and people (almost always women) shouldn't be made to feel unreasonable and demanding for asking that their needs be prioritised sometimes.

Says the person who has never suffered HG so dismisses it as a bit of morning sickness. 🙄

I couldn't even walk past a supermarket or open the fridge without covering my nose and mouth as every smell, scent or fragrance made me violently ill. 16 weeks of pure hell. Saying that, air freshener would have made me equally ill too.

YANBU. Shame this thread is full of the ‘you’re pregnant, not dying’ and ‘my pregnancy was fine so why is yours so special?’ brigades. There were times when I had HG when I thought I’d rather have been dead 👍 at its worst I went to bed mid-March and was finally able to come downstairs at the end of April. I would just lie there in a strange semi-consciousness until I needed to vomit. Even the smell of the tumble dryer set me off.

If it’s anything like mine, your DH will need to take time off work, or your DD will need to go somewhere else. We’re not even trying for another until our DD is in school because I couldn’t look after myself, never mind a toddler too.

Why does he need to come down and open the windows surely you would be feeling better sooner if you opened them? If DD is old enough to spray air freshener why can't she do that? Then just ask him to always open a window as it's making you heave.

She's shouting up to him to come down....so she's not going up and down and is in the rooms that need airing. Having had 9 months of puking and working on my second pregnancy you just get on with it puke carry on puke

He should definitely be more considerate of your sensitivity to smells, but calling him downstairs to open the windows when you're right there and he's trying to work is incredibly precious.

Everyone banging on about HG? She said she had nausea, not HG. I think you are being slightly unreasonable, I had awful nausea and sickness with my first all day every day for months but it didn't even cross my mind to ask my DH to alter his diet? Bit unreasonable to ask him to come downstairs while he is working too.

Hi OP, currently pregnant and just wanted to say YANBU. Feeling unwell is awful, feeling unwell whilst trying to grow a human and keep yourself going is horrific. Anyone that says you just get on with it has no empathy and just because their experience was something different, does not make your experience any easier.

If I told my DH I couldn't stomach a certain cooking smell, he wouldn't cook it. Just as his deodorant makes me feel sick now, he sprays it in another room with the door closed.

I would hope your DH can make some reasonable adjustments to make your life more comfortable whilst you grow his next child. Fingers crossed the nausea passes for you soon 💐

I'm glad you said this because I've scrolled back through the thread and thought I was going mad!

No idea why posters are making that up.

YABU.

Not about the smells & nausea - God I remember those days so well & you have my sympathies.

But you can't limit other people's diet to what you can tolerate. I hated the smell of coffee when I was pregnant - walking past a coffee shop would cause me to vomit - but I had to work around it.

For your DH, he needs to take your nausea into account & open windows, reduce impact of his cooking but I think you tell him that going forward & hopefully that resolves it.

I really feel for you. I had severe HG three times and these sort of things I had to really, clearly explain to my husband before he got it. It felt unreasonable to him at first. But they aren’t having to struggle through the sickness and I (and then he too) felt it was a good way for him to support me in growing our baby and struggling as little as possible.
Funnily enough, during my first pregnancy we had builders in who then ‘experienced’ my HG! During my third pregnancy we had the same builders back. One of the first things they did when we told them we were pregnant was ask me what I would be ok with them cooking for their lunch in the house and should they just bring cold food instead. So if they can manage to be so caring and respectful… I think you can expect the same of your partner. You might just need to explain it very clearly!

Also, I wore scarves a lot and put them over my nose/mouth if the smells were really getting to me. That helped a fair bit.

Mine was the smell of frying onions. I couldn’t stand it when pregnant.

My Mum kindly came to look after me (and help with Dd) in my second pregnancy. But then she decided it was ok to start cooking with onions because “she’ll never notice a little bit” despite me having said I couldn’t bear this smell. She’d never had morning sickness! So was kindly meant but ended up not really helping very much!