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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HORSE QUESTION Opinions please

78 replies

martinghell · 27/03/2023 10:19

I’m the (proud) owner of the most beautiful ISH x ID mare. She is 9yo and 17hh. She’s bred to jump and does BS and lower level BE. I probably compete her at a lower level than her capabilities but she’s happy and that’s what matters

Our routine is fairly chilled however it’s what I’ve found makes her happiest. And it works for my life too. Win win. But recently I was approached at the yard and told it’s been noticed I don’t come up enough and she isn’t being ridden often enough and it heavily implied I’m neglecting her needs. I was told to loan her out if I ‘don’t have enough time for her in my life’ i don’t understand. My horse is happy. I’m happy. What’s the problem?

her current routine is to be ridden 3 times a week and lunged once. This is usually x1 jumping session, 1x flatwork schooling session, 1x hack (usually on the beach or woodland so sometimes end up having a gallop or jumping over logs and fences which she loves, but sometimes we just go for a chilled out hack) and then lunged aswell. So in work 4 times a week. Sometimes it’s slightly more and sometimes slightly less depending on weather and work but that’s a general average of our routine. She’s in the field 8am - 8pm everyday in a herd and is happy and performing so well with our current routine. I sometimes come up on non riding days too for cuddles and tlc but I pay hundreds a week for her to be on the best full livery in the area so I don’t come up everyday.

I’m currently studying for my phd and am insanely busy at the moment. But I’m never too busy for my horse. This would be our routine irrespective of me completing my phd because she’s happy with it.

the other owners are nice but I don’t really know them that well despite being at the yard for several years. We just rarely cross paths and it’s a huge competition yard. I was so upset and taken aback that I didn’t know what to say but was upset on the way home. It turns out theyve all been saying I’m a bad owner and she’s neglected and I’m wasting her talent and should loan her to someone with time for her. They usually come up every single day despite being on full livery which is obviously their choice and absolutely fine but if I pay for her to be mucked out then I’m not going to rush to come up everyday and do it myself. If I’m there, I’ll do it, but I dont stress about coming up everyday. And for them it’s a social thing which again is fine but I’m too busy to stand and chat at the hay bales for hours with them and my priority is my horse.

AIBU? Am I being a bad/negligent/lazy horse owner? Would you judge me for my routine?

OP posts:
Original poster
martinghell · 27/03/2023 10:20

Also, our routine isn’t set and it’s not like we do the same thing on certain days. I don’t have a set in stone training plan I just sort of decide as we go. So if I’ve jumped already that week then I’ll do some schooling. Or maybe we’ll go for a hack. Or maybe I’ll give her today off and hack tomorrow. Etc etc

OP posts:
saynotoo · 27/03/2023 10:21

Sounds fine to me. Who approached you someone at the yard or another livery?

MynameisJune · 27/03/2023 10:22

Sounds fairly normal to me, do you also compete with her during the season? Was it the yard owners or another livery client?

Rebel2 · 27/03/2023 10:22

It's fine! I mean some people don't visit for weeks if they're on full livery. Some horses are never ridden
Horse is happy, you're happy and they need to mind their own business

Cherrysoup · 27/03/2023 10:24

Was it the YO that said this or some interfering other livery? (There’s always one!) Some horses are hot and need riding daily, mine wouldn’t have cared if he was never ridden. If she’s on full livery, what is the issue? I didn’t see some other owners for days if they were on full livery. Horses were looked after and happy.

Original poster
martinghell · 27/03/2023 10:25

Sorry for drip feeding! The routine I gave is a typical average. Sometimes she gets longer off and sometimes she gets ridden a bit more (although I never jump more than 1/2x a week). She HATES the rain and honestly I don’t blame her lol so sometimes if it’s raining heavily all week she’ll end up getting the week off. But usually she’s ridden at least twice a week. her fitness is fantastic even when having time off (we need to slow down a bit before BE again lol) and I found when being ridden 5/6 times a week and doing lots of schooling/training and less chilled out hacks etc she was actually miserable with it

OP posts:
ZeroWorshipHere · 27/03/2023 10:27

A horse doesn’t know it’s not “fulfilling its potential”. If I had a horse I’d have it on full livery and I would bimble about on hacks, go to the beach, maybe do some low level dressage, fun rides.

If your ponio wasn’t happy she would be acting out. Sounds like she’s got a great life to me

Original poster
martinghell · 27/03/2023 10:27

It was a group of liveries. YO have no concern and said she’s the easiest mare to look after. You could honestly walk her to and from the field without a lead role or head collar she’s so chilled out. Absolute horse of a lifetime and no matter what happens she will never leave me.

OP posts:
maxelly · 27/03/2023 10:28

Ha, I was just about to say there are horses on my yard that barely get ridden once a week (and then their owners wonder why they're so fresh and spicy!) but someone else got there first. But your horse, your rules, I wouldn't dream of saying anything to a fellow livery unless explicitly asked for my opinion and even then would probably be vague/neutral. But if you've been on a livery for any length of time you'll know there is always that one person that loves to have their nose in other people's business, thinks they know better than all the instructors/vets/physios in the world and wouldn't know tact if it hit them in the face... Unless it's the actual yard manager saying this then you just need to grow a thick skin and learn to mm hmm, thank them for their opinion and move away, often sadly these people thrive on drama so if they can tell you're upset or you argue with them they'll never leave you along again whereas if you don't give them anything they'll move on to the next person they can 'help'...

TheClash2023 · 27/03/2023 10:29

My horse is ridden about once a month. He spends the days chilling with his friends in the fields. Horses don't exist to be ridden

ZeroWorshipHere · 27/03/2023 10:30

Is it possible they’re jealous? Maybe they aren’t getting to fulfill their dreams with the horses they have and wish they had something with a bit more scope? Absolutely crossing a line to say something to you. I’m a full on pony patter though and would love a horse to just mosey around on

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 27/03/2023 10:30

Tell them if they aren't happy you can give your money to someone else...

BeatriceFranklin · 27/03/2023 10:31

I was on yards for many years and there’s always someone who thinks they know your horses better than you do! Do what’s best for you and honestly don’t listen to them, if you’re happy and your horse is happy it’s nothing to do with other liveries. They’d be horrified to see my lot, 2 of which are field ornaments 😂

WinterWanders · 27/03/2023 10:34

Well they need to mind their own business. Your routine is fine

ArcticBells · 27/03/2023 10:35

It sounds to me like your horse has a very happy and balanced life . My ISH could be said to never have reached her full potential but I happen to think she doesn't lie awake at night worrying about how many rosettes she has.

Your horse has plenty of turn out, attention and good care. Either ignore others on the yard or move yards.

horseymum · 27/03/2023 10:36

As long as your horse has its needs met, it sounds like the others need to keep their nose out. If it has freedom to express natural behaviour, eg roam the field, graze for long periods, company of other horses, that is more important than how often it is being ridden. No horse knows it is ' not fulfilling its potential '. That's just anthropomorphism. Look at what horses actually need and focus on that. It sounds like a fine workload which suits your horses fitness/ personality needs. They will let you know if not happy. You have a stronger bond than many who use full livery. Folk on the yard I ride often only hack out at the weekend, especially in winter and their horses are all happy and healthy. You just need to make sure to feed according to workload and be honest if Wright creeps on. Enjoy your horse, it's a great chill out time.

Allmyplantsdie · 27/03/2023 10:41

She could do more, but she definitely doesn’t need to and she sounds happy. Herd life will be so good for her too. Check out Emma Massingale on Facebook and see how happy her horses are living and getting time with others.

horse people can be very funny and judgemental. It sounds like you give your horse and incredible life, and good on you for not just parcelling her off to someone else when life gets a bit busy. I am sure in a few years you will have a bit more time to enjoy yourselves together

Curiosity101 · 27/03/2023 10:44

Horses don't need to be ridden to be happy and healthy.

It's a shame it's only 12hr turnout though. Is that winter turnout or year round? Generally maximising turnout is the one thing that has the biggest impact on horses health and happiness.

I do think you should probably be checking on her daily regardless of her being on full livery. But not enough to have a strong opinion on it. It just means you're relying on someone else to ensure her general conformation/health is being checked every day and they won't know her as well as you or be as thorough as you would.

But yeah, overall YANBU. So long as her health and fitness is equal to the work you're asking her to do (and you're not leaving that to drop between eventing seasons without building it back up).

Thatnameistaken · 27/03/2023 10:45

My horse gets ridden once or twice a week (when the weather's ok) in the winter less. But he's turned out in a herd every day, I'm DIY so spend time with him daily and all his needs are met.
I think there's a bit of envy going on in the case of your yard, I'm lucky to be on a lovely, small yard with none of the bitching of the amateur competition crowd.

Theturtlethatcried · 27/03/2023 10:45

She sounds like she has a lovely life, with time to just be an horse. There’s always a group, especially at yards where lots of people compete, who have too much time on their hands and spend it bitching about others and fussing about other people’s horses - if you’re happy and your horse is happy then you probably aren’t in thrall to them/receptive to their “help” etc and they don’t like that. Ironically they’re probably not fully utilising their skills and talents in their own jobs if they’ve got time to chat for hours, and yet when it’s people we understand the concept of work life balance, priorities and that some people just aren’t that ambitious and prefer to do other things…

Unless you’re doing something seriously detrimental to the welfare of the horse, dangerous or that actually impacts them it would be none of their business if you bought an Olympic prospect to sit in the field and look pretty. Ignore them, she sounds great.

CaveMum · 27/03/2023 10:46

What a horrible bunch of people. Definitely sounds like they are jealous. Speak to the YO and tell them what has happened, this is verging on bullying and the YO needs to inform all liveries that commenting on other people’s horses/routines will not be tolerated.

Your horse would quickly let you know if she was unhappy, listen to her and not other people.

GigiGrey · 27/03/2023 10:52

It sounds to me like you're doing an amazing job. You're happy and your horse is happy. As someone who could only dream of having my horse on full livery I would say the time you make to spend with her is probably worth more than the hours everyday I spend at the yard, because it's 100% devoted to quality time with your horse, whether it's jumping, schooling or just some horsey cuddles, without having to disrupt or sacrafice any of that time to muck out, stuff hay nets etc.

I think anyone who has been around horses for even five minutes knows the nature of some of these environments and how people can be. Ignore them and carry on as you are. Maybe they're slightly jealous, it sounds like you're achieving on and off the yard.

Bluespecsandshoes · 27/03/2023 11:00

Your mare sounds fantastic! Of course you are not being negligent op! You are paying for her to be on full livery for a start. And just because your mare has the potential to compete at a higher level doesn't mean from a horse welfare pov that you are obliged to do that, rather the reverse in fact, and it sounds as though you have a good awareness of her individual needs.

If it was a group of people saying this to you, I'll bet my new Charles Owen SP8 that they've had a chat over a cup of coffee, they've started gossiping about you and your horse, they've noticed that your mare is particularly nice and has scope, and one of them fancies it for themselves. So then naturally a few of them have tried to take this further, starting off by trying to get you to second guess yourself. Really unpleasant behaviour as (a) they are incorrect in their assertions and (b) it's none of their business.

How did you respond immediately when this was put to you? This needs to be handled very firmly but calmly but equally you need to make it very clear that no further "advice" is required because you are happy as you are. This sort of thing can develop in to low level bullying on a yard if it's allowed to fester. Get a friend to come with you over the next few weeks to lend moral support if you are feeling uneasy. Your yard manager should really be stamping down on the worst offenders or they will ultimately lose her business. Nosy cows! There's always one or two at a big yard I'm afraid who think they know better!

foulksmills · 27/03/2023 11:00

Pah! I've known horses on full livery whose owners live in a different country. Visit a couple of times a year. Sometimes less often. As long as the horses are well cared for that's all that matters.

MarchMadness23 · 27/03/2023 11:00

I'd speak to the YO. That kind of thing should not be tolerated. You pay a lot of money for full livery at a reputable yard.

you sound very in tune with your horse and you're both happy. They sound pathetic & jealous with too much time on their hands to loaf about on hay bales & bitch about others.