House is a mess and dog had no water

[Sunisshiningbutnotfeelingit]

I’ve been sick in bed this weekend and Dp has had to take over. If it ever happens, I know downstairs will be messier etc, but I’ve come down this morning and it’s just a mess everywhere, the dogs bowl had no water and no food, I know she ate last night, it’s the water that’s really bothered me. There’s just bits of things strewn everywhere, some dishes still to wash. Granted, he did a lot of washing, but it’s been left on a chair, not put away. It sounded all stressy all weekend with Dd, 4 downstairs, he eventually took her out to the playground after me suggesting it as she’d been in all weekend on such a lovely weekend. The dog poo hasn’t been picked up from the garden. He bought food, but it’s a weird mix of spaghetti hoops, beans, chips and mozarella sticks 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’ve no doubt that he found this weekend hard with me in bed as I could tell by how stressed he sounded, is this normal?
Am I expecting too much?
I’m able to keep the place tidy, shop and cook healthy food, pick up the dog crap, sort Dd, take her and the dog out, feed and water the dog, plus go to work on a daily basis, this is probably why I’m always knackered
Am I being too harsh?
All I can think is, imagine if I wasn’t here? It would all go to shit. When men sometimes say they’d want custody of the child in the event of a split, is that a joke.
So I’ve come down still feeling ill, to feed and give water to our lovely dog, washed dishes, tidied some things up (can’t face the rest at the moment) will have to do the poo and all the washing put away later. He went out to a friends until late last night so could’ve done lots of it.

@Naunet DID YOU READ ANY OF MY OTHER COMMENTS FFS??

Not giving the dog water was OUT OF OOORRRRRDDDEEERRRR, there I said it AGAIN

Devils advocate mode enabled.

You are basing your opinion on one post.

There are two adults in our house, one of which would say the dog “had no water” when actually there was water in the bowl and the dog was perfectly able to drink from it - but, it wasn’t as full as they would obsessively keep it.

Forums can be a very dangerous place where everyone reads everything as gospel and piles in on one side.

One persons idea of “mess” will be someone else’s idea of clean.

Yes, yet you are still making excuses for him.

Ahh you’re right, I should always assume an OP is lying…

Yawn

Because he's a lazy arsehole and can't be bothered with his child you or the dog. Completely bloody useless and it would certainly make me think what a complete waste of space he is.
hope you feel better soon OP. You deserve better.

That’s not what I said. I actually went to great lengths not to say that or even suggest it

He's a selfish waster who is well used to you doing it all.

Of course he could have ensured that the place was tidy, jobs done, dog watered, but he doesn't give a shit.

He has done the absolute least he could get away with.

Child goes to bed and he's gone out.

Of course he could have sorted the place out when she had gone to bed, but that would have involved him caring enough about you, and not wanting you to face a mess.

He doesn't care that you get to face it, even when ill.

It's as simple as that.

He knows that you do it all usually, you obviously have a real low bar in men, that you are with him, and put up with this bullshit, so he heads out and leaves it to you.

When you choose a selfish waster, this is what you get.

It's why single parenting is so attractive to women when they realise the alternative is a life with someone who doesn't care about them, even when they are ill.

Help yourself and sort out your contraception.

You deserve better.
Hope you feel better soon.

You've got a husband OP. I'm afraid you need a wife.

Yawn all you want, if you settle for this shit, it’s you having to run yourself ragged, not me.

Re-reading you’re right, you didn’t, but my point is we have to take the OP at face value, there’s no point answering a different scenario that you’ve created in your own head.

He's being useless, when i'm sick my husband manages to keep the place clean, play with our 6yr old, work, do the school runs and do all the cooking plus checking whether i need anything. The only thing he doesn't do is the cat litter tray/food as it makes him feel sick, plus she's my cat.
He needs to learn how to cope.

The OP also says that he doesn’t do that much when she is well, so cutting him some slack whilst parenting solo probably isn’t saying much as there probably isn’t much slack to cut!
On the laundry front he appears to have put things in the machine and taken them out when finished, not the most onerous part of laundry

Also if he failed to feed and water the dog, probably also shows how much effort he put into everything else

Did none of these men live on their own before? My son has since 18 and knows if he doesn't do stuff it doesn't get done, so while he can live in quite a bit of mess the kitchen is always clean and laundry sorted. The right food is bought and rubbish out on the right dates etc.
throwing a child in the mix does make this harder, but there are two of you, and with one out of action doesn't mean things can fall apart. My husband died when my kids were 4 and 6, and like a lot of single parents I managed the house, the kids, my job, the dog.
Sit down with him next weekend and go through stuff with him. Tell him he needs to pull his weight.

@Naunet well considering I've clearly said our house is 50/50 and we eat fresh homecooked meals, I'd take it that means I don't settle for this.

But if I made it my business to constantly potter around and have everything done to my standards, I wouldn't be fuming at my other half for going to the shops, buying food, cooking food, entertaining the child inside and outside, whilst doing loads of washing. And he wouldnt fume at me for the same thing.

You have your opinion and I'll have mine. That's what AIBU is for, for people to give their different opinions.

If you've been doing all of the above all along it sounds like it's just not in his consciousness and he thinks the fairies do it.
Time so give him 50/50 chores.

Learned helplessness. He should have been pulling his weight from day one

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect your partner to cook a decent meal, put a washing away, feed the dog and entertain his own child for a couple of days. That's very very basic stuff op.

My ex was like this. Still is. I would go to work, come home and nothing had been done. Dc still in pjs with wet nappies around their knees, older dc still in pjs not been taken to school. In talks with ss at the moment, because when they visit him for contact, they stink when they get back, and he goes out leaving the young ones alone

Why does he not do his fair share every day then it wouldn't be stressful?

This....

Am I expecting too much?

No, you're not expecting enough. A grown adult man and father should do far better. than yours has. I'd shame and ridicule him to his parents, his mates, for being such a feckless lazy tosser.

Starting now, he needs to share meal planning, shopping for food, cooking meals and cleaning up (kitchen, house, dog poo)

I'm guilty of just reading your OP, I'll RTFT in a minute.

Are you expecting too much? No.

I couldn't be arsed with this. You were unwell and he couldn't even cope with his own child. I bet you were upstairs trying to rest and recover and couldn't as the noise from downstairs set you on edge, I know this is how I would have felt. I hope you feel stronger now. I think he's show himself up and let you down and I'd not be surprised if this changed how you felt about him. You can't even rely on him to keep things going while you are unwell. I bet it's completely different when he is sick in bed.

Wonder who will be expecting dinner to be cooked for them tonight