I don’t think long term relationships are necessarily any less committed or serious and sometimes moreso than marriages. Likewise, marriage or being unmarried is no indication of happiness or love. Many marriages may start with people vowing to be together for life, but in reality that doesn’t happen….although the intention was there at the time of marriage.
I think that the long term relationship without marriage can be as satisfying for both people, but where there is an issue, is when one person within it would like to be married. The reality is that this is frequent and often it’s the woman who wants to be married. For them, however long term and committed their relationship is, they feel they are missing a crucial element they would like. I think it’s valid to feel like that. Not everyone does clearly, but some do. They aren’t fools for feeling like that. Likewise, lots of people who are married felt they wanted marriage and it was important to them. They weren’t fools either, nor purely in it for a party or for some idealised idea of love or that marriage meant no relationship would break up.
I think it’s true that sometimes people stay in unhappy relationships longer than they should, because they are married. However, I also think that in most cases, anyone shouldn’t rush to exit such a relationship, and sometimes staying and keeping trying means things turn round…but if they don’t, leaving is still always an option. I’m not saying those who are unmarried leave at the drop of a hat, but it probably is easier in most cases. and perhaps it’s more likely that one partner doesn’t feel the sense of a lifelong commitment until much later in relationships where there isn’t marriage and no actual choice has to be made.
Marraige is so deeply embedded in society, and has been the norm for centuries with long term unmarried relationships only being common for 2 generations. Yes, it was part of the patriarchy, but many people still want to do it today and feel it isn’t just a piece of paper and does make a difference. No-one has to do it. The reality is that when people haven’t done it, they could have and have chosen not to. That’s fine. But simply the fact that it’s an option will make some people who don’t know a couple wonder about the nature of the relationship. Who cares you may well say. But I think people do care. It rankles people in long term relationships that others outside might not take their relationship as seriously as a married one. But how does someone outside know whether the ‘partner’ is one of 5 weeks or 50 years? That’s the issue I think - ‘partner’ is used by people to talk about their new bf they met last week and by people who have been together 50 years. People don’t necessarily want to be married but they want their long term relationship recognised and acknowledged. That happens when people know you well anyway…but it’s everyone else, that doesn’t know it. And I think people at the same time don’t want to be married, but also don’t want to be seen in 2nd class relationships and feel that’s how it’s viewed. Whilst marriage exists, it’s difficult to see how distinctions won’t be drawn between the 2. That’s not to say people should marry or shouldn’t. It’s the time we live in.