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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want my sister to support me to leave dh?

88 replies

mehdismummy · 12/02/2008 21:15

after alot of crap of dh the last four years including violence and metal abuse i have finally plucked up the courage to go to see a woman at womans aid tomorrow. Today has been the final straw. It has been my birthday. He brought me nothing not even a card from ds. He grudgingly came out for a meal which i had to pay for then when i realised i was not going out rushed back to go out. Just phoned sister who thinks i am being unreasonable because its not fair on ds to be apart from dh and if i move back to my home town she wont see ds either. And thinks i should talk to him. This is hard enough as it is and now harder because i literally have no support. I actually left once because dh had hit me and went to her house and it was obvious that i could not stay with her as she told me the flat was not ds proof and i should go back. I am so upset just sat in bed with ds. What a bloody horrible end to a bloody horrible day.

OP posts:
thegreenfairy · 18/02/2008 19:51

mehdismummy - am still watching this thread and following your progress (was ChinaSurprise).
You do not deserve the treatment you have suffered and are still suffering.
And I agree with jack - if your husband did not want children he should have insisted you guys use a different method.
That's by the by anyway, because, if I can be totally frank, your husband sounds like an utter bastard. I can't believe the way he has treated you.
Can you get out soon? There's no sense putting it off although I know it's scary...
You're in my thoughts and I'm praying for you sweetheart
xxx

mehdismummy · 18/02/2008 20:14

thanks greenfairy. Am just trying to survive each day. I looked at your pics you look so happy. How long have you got left?

OP posts:
Jackstini · 19/02/2008 08:16

How you doing today mm? Hope you can get an appointment soon and put your mind at rest

mehdismummy · 19/02/2008 09:40

well the lady i have been talking to has gone on holiday and i would rather wait for her. She is back on the 21st. So will wait until then. Still very miserable. He went out to one last night. Just so very lonely

OP posts:
Jackstini · 19/02/2008 16:16

At least the 21st is not far away.
You will be much less lonely when your life is back on track and you can go out and do things with ds
Have you got anyone who could have ds for a couple of hours so you can go out for a break?
Does dh have any idea yet how bad things are?

mehdismummy · 19/02/2008 17:07

no dh has not got a clue. Sadly he would be devasted when i leave. I have not really got anyone to turn to

OP posts:
Jackstini · 20/02/2008 12:30

You have got Mumsnet

mehdismummy · 20/02/2008 13:37

its true its one of the things that keep me smiling

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thegreenfairy · 20/02/2008 21:57

Hi MM. Just wanted to let you know am still following your progress - I hope tomorrow goes well.
I'm six months pregnant with my first and very excited! I'll let you know how it goes, but am always here if you want to talk
xxx

mehdismummy · 20/02/2008 22:06

thanks gf do you know if its boy or girl.? I remember being pg with mehdi and even though dh was a twat. My pregnancy brought me nothing a but joy because i was so so happy to be pg. Enjoy this time.

OP posts:
thegreenfairy · 21/02/2008 10:02

Hi again mm.
We've been told it's probably a girl but am trying not to go mad with the pink just in case!
I have to say I find it very inspiring that you have managed to stay so positive throughout this dreadful experience and I'm so glad that you didn't let DH ruin your pregnancy. Your son looks like an absolute angel and I know you'll find happiness somewhere safer soon. Good luck today.
xxx

dividedself · 21/02/2008 10:05

My parents ahd me and the dc stay for 3 days after I fled France to getaway from domestic abuse.

Not once have any of my family helped me in any way and they quite happily waved us off to live in a refuge for 3 months.

Sorry you are experiencing similar - i'm afraid I will never understand it.

fransmom · 21/02/2008 10:23

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((mm))))))))))))))))))))))

i left an emotionally abusive man in september last year, he was continually playing mind games throughout most of the 4years we were togoether and claimed not to realise, even though i was continually telling him to stop treating me like previous x. his family used to keep telling me that i should've staye with him for dd's sake. she used to be unhappy and started biting her fingernails and that was unusual for her. it is better for children to see their parent(s) apart and happy than stay in destructive relationship. to cut a long story short, dd is so much more affectionate with me and turned round to me yesterday, during a particularly tough day with xp and said "i am so proud of you" i started cryiong again it really made me feel happier.

i wish you all the luck in the world sweetheart, you will get through this xxxxxx

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