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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be cheesed off about the pasta bake incident five years on

482 replies

Dangelis · 26/03/2023 11:22

This is as light hearted as it gets, I'm not actually fuming about this! I am interested in some perspectives though.

In 2017, five friends from East Anglia and I got an Airbnb in London so we could all go to a late night event nearby. I was the first to arrive (I live in London but was bunking in with them anyway) so I went to a supermarket and got a few bags of crisps, soft drinks and some small charcuterie type stuff - enough for everyone, but mainly because I like having this kind of stuff around while I'm getting ready to go out, so I paid for it myself. I figured the others could order delivery if they wanted anything bigger.

On my friends' group chat, I'd noticed a few references to a "pasta bake" and some requests for money over the past two weeks, but I'd skimmed over these.

When my friends turned up, one of the couples (who I barely knew) arrived with THE pasta bake. I was surprised as I thought it had been a joke - and practically speaking, it sort of was. There were two huge ceramic oven dishes full of the coldest, most wet and cheese-less penne bake I'd even seen, and they'd been sitting in the back of someone's car covered in foil for over three hours, all the way from Kings Lynn to Southwark. They were carried in with GREAT fanfare by the woman of the couple, who proceeded to re-heat this huge beige thing in the oven, and then ladle big, sad, stodgy bowls of it out to everyone (not what anyone wants to try to hold and shovel down while trying to put on makeup and get into a cocktail dress!!!). She talked about the cooking process and recipe too, as if we couldn't work it out. The way this woman went about it, you'd think she thought she'd rescued the whole night from disaster and starvation. I think I attempted to navigate my way around an undercooked piece of broccoli and watery pasta for a bit before hiding it in my room. It was honestly so bizarre to watch this performance happening while the rest of us were enjoying the vibe of getting ready to go to a quite expensive and elegant night out.

So far so bland. But the next morning, the woman went around telling everyone how much the ingredients (penne pasta, broccoli, not enough tomato sauce, and cheese In Name Only) had cost and calculating how much each person in the house owed them for the privilege of being involved in THE pasta bake. I honestly can't remember if I paid up or not - I think one of my mates who was closer to them paid for a few of us out of embarrassment.

This couple are divorced now, and I haven't seen the woman since the event. I've never brought it up with my friends, but I find myself thinking about this all the time. Was I being snotty about what was, in theory, a nice but misguided gesture? Am I overestimating how much small-towners know about food availability in Central London after dark? Or was this genuinely weird and off base?

OP posts:
kezzieliza · 27/03/2023 06:36

I do think you are being very snobby in your description of the incident. Speaking as someone from East Anglia but having lived in London for many years, you do speak of her as really small town, provincial, laughable. It was weird for her to charge you (not that you paid!) but a nice thing to cater for everyone, actually really thoughtful.

Lamelie · 27/03/2023 07:29

@kezzieliza thoughtful or grifter?

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/03/2023 07:48

Throwncrumbs · 26/03/2023 19:05

Bet her names Abigail😂

Blimey!

That's a blast from the past. 😂

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/03/2023 08:03

JudgeJ · 26/03/2023 23:54

And a massive Tesco opposite, there's even a Waitrose at Swaffham if you're willing to venture down the rural wilderness that is the A47. We've even got that leccy stuff too.

You'll be telling us you have indoor plumbing next.

You must think we were all born yesterday. Grin

Bamboux · 27/03/2023 08:41

JudgeJ · 26/03/2023 23:27

Because people from Norfolk are deemed to be country bumpkins by the metropoplitan Londoners! It was a weird thing to do if it wasn't tasty but what's even more weird is still thinking about it 5 years later, is your life really so lacking in interest?
High Six to you all from here in Norfolk!

I'm a born and bred Londoner. The only people who act and talk like the op are people from places like Norfolk who have lived in London for six months.

My question though was why specify the exact locations within Norfolk and London? It's a weird thing to do.

Bamboux · 27/03/2023 08:42

Villssev · 27/03/2023 05:51

🤔

Yeah, it's comments like @VestaTilley 's that make you realise how Mrs Brown's Boys can still be on TV.

AliceOlive · 27/03/2023 10:55

Villssev · 27/03/2023 06:28

Close enough family to be happy to drive 10 hours there and 10 hours back for a party and yet…. They either are very thoughtless people and you knew that before going, if so why did you go? OR they are usually lovely and you’re close to them but they underwent a complete personality transformation? Which was it?! Not many people I would do a 20 hour round trip for a party for. In fact, only my children

Oh Fuck off.

Villssev · 27/03/2023 11:51

Bamboux · 27/03/2023 08:42

Yeah, it's comments like @VestaTilley 's that make you realise how Mrs Brown's Boys can still be on TV.

It is comments like @VestaTilley that makes me wonder what kind of life they lead that this thread excites and delights them so much!

Villssev · 27/03/2023 11:52

Also makes me wonder whether it’s the Op in disguise. “Best thread ever” 😂

MaryMcCarthy · 27/03/2023 12:18

Just wanted to add my opinion, which is that it's utterly ABSURD that you're still thinking of this five years later. Is there literally nothing else going on in your life?

Catspyjamas17 · 27/03/2023 12:31

I would have been disappointed to have to eat manky pasta and not some nice takeaway/dinner out. YANBU on that score, but time to let it lie, eh?

AliceDownTheRabbitHole · 27/03/2023 12:33

Lol! How much did each person have to pay towards said pasta bake!? I can't imagine charging for a pasta bake... It's the funny the things that stay with us 🤣

Strawberrydelight78 · 27/03/2023 12:35

I couldn't think of anything worse before a night out. I would have politely said I do apologise but I can't stomach anything sloppy before a night out.🤢🤮 I'm usually a healthy eater. But if going out drinking it has to be bage food.

KatMcBundleFace · 27/03/2023 12:38

Well I think it's funny, I also think everyone fighting about it is funny.

🍻 OP . I'd share a night out and a plate of pig bits with you. You sound like a laugh.

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/03/2023 12:41

Bivarb · 26/03/2023 21:06

I meant dry as in sauceless. The pasta sheet was cooked thankfully!

That soup sounds revolting. Your poor friend 😂

I was hoping thats what you meant but you can never be sure what horrors some folk will serve up!

dittbtdity · 27/03/2023 12:44

Testina · 26/03/2023 11:47

So someone says in advance that they’re going to bring a pasta bake and says in advance that it would be for all and contribution expected.

So you had plenty of opportunity to say “there are loads of places to eat in London and I don’t fancy a big meal when getting ready” - yet you didn’t.

The only thing this person did wrong, was not be a great cook 🤷🏻‍♀️ (in your opinion)

And now you’re griping about in 5 years on? You’re not a nice person.

And by the way… I expect you bought some cold meats, yes? “Charcuterie” my arse 🤣 You sound like a north Lynner who’s been to Peterborough once (let alone London) and come back up their own arse 🤣

@Dangelis take no notice of @testina. I reckon they need to get out more themselves.

I get where you're coming from with the weird memories that tend to pop back years later.

Hope you enjoyed the evening though 😄if you can still remember that?

JudgeRudy · 27/03/2023 12:46

Ha Ha! Oh I so wish you had a photo to share. Check her FB and IG....now!
In your situation I'd have gladly paid my £2.50 for the experience. These are life's gifts that just keep on giving. I guarantee this comes up periodically.
I also so relate to having to temporarily remove yourself from the situation in case your face actually said what you were thinking.
I'm now reminded of a similar occasion 30+ years ago where someone put some twiglets and peanuts out....OK, maybe some cheesy footballs...and it was referred to as The Spread...endless family references to Spreads since.

butterpuffed · 27/03/2023 12:48

After years, I've finally perfected my formula for the perfect Sunday afternoon Mumsnet fight!

Why would you want to do that ? 🤔

MzHz · 27/03/2023 13:19

Dangelis · 26/03/2023 12:23

I think my main mistake was using a big word like "charcuterie" when I should have said "pig bits" or something to avoid being accused of thinking I'm The Queen.

🐷<snort> 😂🤣

Conkersinautumn · 27/03/2023 13:20

Southwark? Imagine.

midlander79 · 27/03/2023 13:29

I guess it was the OPs fault for not paying much attention to messages, but I can see why that happened and if she's not expressed much interest in the pasta bake someone should have messaged her directly to confirm, rather than just making assumptions.

I'd eat pasta bake before a night out. But I'd not eat an AWFUL one-which is what this sounds like! Watery and flavourless-for me carby/fatty things are a treat and nothing worse than a disappointing treat!

I have one example. I am vegan and have been for MANY years, not a new or surprising thing. A family member of mine recently was putting on an afternoon tea type thing for a group of us. I said I'd bring my own sandwich fillings and some vegan desserts and that I'd also bring some garlic bread and (home made) dips. Family member isn't interested in cooking but I am, that's fine.

When I got there they'd made me a lot of sandwiches containing just salad. So I had to deconstruct each one, take the salad out, butter the bread (vegan substitute obviously) and then put the salad back in along with the fillings I'd brought. Odd.

nonamesleftatall · 27/03/2023 13:34

I am actually from Kings Lynn! This is hilarious. I would not take a pasta bake to an overnight stay in London 😂 I would also just bring a contribution and not expect people to pay me 😄 pasta bake is like a lazy dinner if the kids have an activity. How funny.

jynnerso · 27/03/2023 13:36

I'm just laughing (a lot) about you calling charcuterie - 'pig bits'.

Whenwilliberich · 27/03/2023 13:38

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/03/2023 12:00

I don’t think this story is quite as odd or funny as you’re portraying it as. Some friends coming to visit agreed that somebody would make a pasta bake and costs would be shared. You didn’t read the messages properly and didn’t realise there would be pasta or that you’d be expected to contribute to the cost. Is pretty much the story.

But how much does a pasta bake cost?????????
41p for a bag of pasta (x2?)
tomato pasta bake (maybe x2)
block of cheese (admittedly now about £5 probably!)
it doesn’t sound like there was much else in it.
say it cost £6 total (which I can’t see it costing more than that but okay.) please everybody give me £1 for your portion of pasta bake?? no - sorry - if you’re going to do that, just do it voluntarily and don’t charge people as if you’re a pasta bake take away service!!!

It’s a crazy thing to do - you haven’t saved any money - you could have bought frozen pizzas and saved the same amount. And then saved the pasta slopping about in the back of a car!!

Whenwilliberich · 27/03/2023 13:38

Also I would be VERY dissapointed if I was told someone had bought charcuterie and it turned out to be a couple of slices of salami and a family pack of ham.

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