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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dd12 needs to lose weight

82 replies

Janegoldberg · 26/03/2023 11:09

And I don’t know how to approach this
do I tell her or do I just enforce make the changes in the basis us unhealthy? I don’t want her to develop a bad attitude to food however she is overweight it’s starting to show and her diet is awful
since going to secondary school she will only buy a cake and drink for lunch she will then come home and want chocolate barely eating a proper dinner
I often find sweet wrappers and if someone gives her money she goes to shops to buy sweets

this is my fault as someone who suffered an eating disorder and still does iv not managed it right but she is also very anti being told what to do if I tell her to do something she is likely to do the opposite or argue about it. She can be quite oppositional
she is anti diet
mom starting to change my own awful habits too

to add age is so beautiful the way she is starting to be called names and has put on weight

OP posts:
rookiemere · 27/03/2023 08:53

Beautiful3 · 27/03/2023 08:38

I was that obese girl. I put a stone on each year. She will gain so much more weight within a few years. The best thing anyone did to help me, was to sit down with me and explain that I wasn't very healthy and am storing fat on my body. She showed me what to cut out, and eat more of. She honestly saved me. I told my parents to stop buying me chocolate and crisps. I lost weight so easily, I was amazed at myself. You need to talk to her.

I wonder if that worked though for you, precisely because it wasn't your DPs that said it to you.

OP maybe there is a family friend or aunt that could speak to DD, someone closer in age to herself.

Stugs · 27/03/2023 08:54

You know that bit where you walk down the biscuit aisle at the supermarket and put stuff in your trolley? Just don't do that.

Janegoldberg · 27/03/2023 10:23

Stugs · 27/03/2023 07:19

Everyone has to restrict their diet to some extent otherwise we'd all be eating junk food and chocolate all day.

Still not sure why you just can't buy sugary snacks for home?

I don’t recall posting that I couldn’t? Some of the posts have been really helpful in giving supportive advice on how to approach this with dd so thank you to those that have done that

OP posts:
Janegoldberg · 27/03/2023 10:47

Stugs · 27/03/2023 08:54

You know that bit where you walk down the biscuit aisle at the supermarket and put stuff in your trolley? Just don't do that.

You know that but where if you can’t be a grown up with a big of human compassion? Just do that

OP posts:
Janegoldberg · 27/03/2023 10:48

rookiemere · 27/03/2023 08:53

I wonder if that worked though for you, precisely because it wasn't your DPs that said it to you.

OP maybe there is a family friend or aunt that could speak to DD, someone closer in age to herself.

Yeah that’s good idea

OP posts:
rookiemere · 27/03/2023 10:59

Also @Janegoldberg if it's any reassurance, I was a tubby teen and am a reasonably normal weight adult.

Part of my issue was that I have quite a big build with broad shoulders and big feet, but my parents were smaller and even when I was around the right weight for my height I still felt big because I wore bigger sizes than my compatriots.

Maybe paying compliments where you feel you can about her choice of clothing or how she has done her hair might make her feel more positive about herself and less likely to binge. I dunno it's such a tightrope.

TheaBrandt · 27/03/2023 12:10

Maybe take her to a gym and get a younger woman to talk to her positively about health and fitness? My lovely friend did this when her 12 year old got a donut habit she got a trendy young personal trainer for them both. Her Dd is now 16 she’s no sylph but bmi normal and she’s a happy sociable girl

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