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AIBU?

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Original poster

Told I was too fat !!!

62 replies

Abbodabs · 25/03/2023 22:25

I feel so embarrassed.I went to a party last night.One of my friends who I only really know through my work colleague.Proceeded to get drunk and In doing so tell me how much I need to loose weight and diet.I am so pretty but I need to get fit.She went on about it for a while.Mygirlfriend was there and I just played along nodding but inside I wanted to run and hide.
Safe to say today as soon as my girlfriend went to work I cried all morning.
why do people think you don’t know how fat you are and think this is fine.They act like they are doing you a favour.
I am so upset and deeply embarrassed.I feel like I can’t go out to any social events this friend is attending any more.
I just feel utterly horrendous and fat and ugly and feel like I shouldn’t be attending any thing.

OP posts:
PhotoTakenOnAToaster · 25/03/2023 22:59

Wow! Really shitty of her. I’m not surprised you’re upset.

Message her saying “ I may be fat, but at least I’m not a judgemental, rude arsehole!”.

Please don’t hide yourself away because of her. It’s her that should be embarrassed not you.
She is no friend, I wouldn’t be referring to her as such! Why didn’t your girlfriend jump in though?

butterfliedtwo · 25/03/2023 23:02

Did your girlfriend stand there and not say anything? That's so shitty if so.

themuminator · 25/03/2023 23:05

What is worse? To be fat or to be rude, judgemental and just plain nasty?

Don't hide yourself away, hold your head up and confront this bigoted idiot. She is judging solely on appearance, but there is so much more value to people than what you look like.

I'm sorry you had this experience but please know you are worth 100 of her.

ehb102 · 25/03/2023 23:36

Babe, there are bullies out there everywhere. If you had been thin they would have told you that you should be getting some shape/doing weights. It's not about you, it's them making themselves feel better by putting others down. They smell that you are uncomfortable and they ramp it up. Or they hate that you are happy in yourself and they want to bring you down.

BigPussyEnergy · 25/03/2023 23:39

This is not a friend. Please don’t let some drunk twat’s ramblings affect you. This person should feel ashamed of how rude they were to you.

As someone who could happily lose a few stone, I can honestly say I would have nothing more to do with someone who made me feel like that. In fact I recently finished with a guy for something similar. It’s just horrid. Flowers

Hankunamatata · 26/03/2023 00:19

Surely your girlfriend said something or was she eye rolling

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/03/2023 00:25

She was drunk she made a complete fool of herself and - assuming she remembers - should be feeling horrendously embarrassed now.

palelavender · 26/03/2023 00:32

She behaved shamefully, not you. I am astonished nobody tried to shut her up or throw her out. You may be overweight but she is a rude drunk.

LaLoba · 26/03/2023 05:56

That was incredibly rude and cruel. If it’s any consolation, onlookers would have been embarrassed by her behaviour, and if I’d been in the company of someone like that I’d have told her to shut up and stop being rude.
Bloody awful behaviour, and I don’t believe it’s coming from a good place, no wonder you feel horrible.
As a pp says, hopefully she’s embarrassed now. You shouldn’t be.

pictoosh · 26/03/2023 07:06

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/03/2023 00:25

She was drunk she made a complete fool of herself and - assuming she remembers - should be feeling horrendously embarrassed now.

This. Dutch courage has a lot to answer for…it creates a loose tongue and lowers inhibitions. In the moment she would have thought herself well-intentioned. She’ll be cringing today.

I used to be very overweight and occasionally had this sort of thing said to me. Have to say it never bothered me that much. I’m thick-skinned as fuck and it was true.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 26/03/2023 07:14

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/03/2023 00:25

She was drunk she made a complete fool of herself and - assuming she remembers - should be feeling horrendously embarrassed now.

This....

Please don't hide yourself op!

It should be the drunken rude woman avoiding people for their appalling rude behaviour!

Maverickess · 26/03/2023 07:22

I don't think that this is any better because she was drunk, but if you confront her she'll likely hide behind it and it'll be an excuse for her shitty behaviour, so many people use it and we need to stop accepting people's awful behaviour because they've had a drink - you're still responsible for your behaviour if you're drunk.

But unfortunately if you're overweight, when drunk or sober, people seem to think they've struck on some sort of novel revelation and are desperate to tell you all about their fantastic observation skills, they think you haven't noticed something about yourself, and it's socially acceptable to do so.

I'm sorry you had to experience this, it's bloody awful to be on the recieving end of. 💐

Cookiecrush · 26/03/2023 07:24

What you have been through is unthinkably awful and essentially is a hate crime. I can't imagine having a conversation with someone where they thought they had the right to talk to me about how I look. People use the veil of 'health' to justify themselves commenting on other people but it is never ok. I'm sorry you have gone through this op.

WaltzingWaters · 26/03/2023 07:27

Better to be overweight than a rude arsehole.
Surprised nobody stopped her.

ChickenDhansak82 · 26/03/2023 07:48

Being blunt here... but rather than wallowing in self pity, why not use this negative comment to do something about it?

YOU think you're fat, someone else things so too, so rather than crying about it just put some leggings on, put some good music on and go for a 1 hour brisk walk. Do this regularly and the weight will soon fall off.

bellac11 · 26/03/2023 07:51

Oh god, Ive had this a number of times from people. Usually with the fake sympathetic head tilt like they're really helping you out and telling you something you never knew and will change your life

No advice but sympathy. Completely rude and inappropirate.

LuluLehman · 26/03/2023 08:04

Sorry you had to encounter such a rude person. Who treated you so horridly.

Why did you think you had to take it? You could have told them they were being rude and that you don’t allow people to talk to you like that then walk away. I had to do that on occasion when I was overweight.

the fact that you stood there and took it shows that you need to work on your self esteem. It sounds as though you have an issue with being bigger otherwise you would have said something like “I’m fat; so what.” A lot of people seem to gain in confidence when they lose weight but I don’t think it’s right that bigger people feel they have to wait until they are slim to like themselves.

That you were so upset by this also shows that you are not happy with your current weight. If you can afford it you could try counselling or ask your go to refer you.

tonystarksrighthand · 26/03/2023 08:07

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/03/2023 00:25

She was drunk she made a complete fool of herself and - assuming she remembers - should be feeling horrendously embarrassed now.

Exactly this.

She was drunk. Made a dick of herself. She will feel ashamed. HER issue not yours.

Karatequeen · 26/03/2023 08:15

She’s projecting. She’s not thinking about your body really. It’s all about her. She’s obsessed with her own body’s level of fat and then transfers this obsession onto others. You could be anyone, it’s irrelevant.

Karatequeen · 26/03/2023 08:19

I also agree that your response highlights that you do not feel ok with your weight. Please bear in mind that people can be overweight or skinny and be unhealthy. Aiming to be strong, fit and healthy is the ideal.

your partners lack of response might be due to being lost for words or being worried about your health.

Laserbird16 · 26/03/2023 08:30

Wow, what a prick. Look she may think she was 'helping' you but don't worry everyone knows she is a massive arse. I'm sure she shares her insights with others too.

I would feel free to tell her to piss off whenever you see her. She should accept you are also allowed to share blunt 'truths'.

I'm a little more surprised your girlfriend didn't tell her to get bent. I imagine that hurts a lot too. Why didn't she tell this idiot where to go?

No one gets to tell you who you are, if you are sensitive about your weight please work on your relationship with your body. It's the only one you've got and is remarkable. A few extra pounds come and go. Being a decent human is much harder.

bellac11 · 26/03/2023 08:35

LuluLehman · 26/03/2023 08:04

Sorry you had to encounter such a rude person. Who treated you so horridly.

Why did you think you had to take it? You could have told them they were being rude and that you don’t allow people to talk to you like that then walk away. I had to do that on occasion when I was overweight.

the fact that you stood there and took it shows that you need to work on your self esteem. It sounds as though you have an issue with being bigger otherwise you would have said something like “I’m fat; so what.” A lot of people seem to gain in confidence when they lose weight but I don’t think it’s right that bigger people feel they have to wait until they are slim to like themselves.

That you were so upset by this also shows that you are not happy with your current weight. If you can afford it you could try counselling or ask your go to refer you.

Could you be anymore patronising

People are often in shock when being spoken to rudely and dont always feel they can speak back, particularly when others are around, it may or may not have anything to do with self esteem

LuvSmallDogs · 26/03/2023 08:40

She was pissed, thought she was having some sort of revelation that you are stunning, but would look even more stunning, and tried to tell you this thinking she was being nice/helpful. As drunks do, thinking they're wise and eloquent when they're a total state.
If she remembers this, she's probably mortified.

When I was at my heaviest (going back over a decade ago), I got told by my two formerly overweight, older female colleagues that I was a pretty girl, I just needed to lose a bit of weight, I would look prettier and feel happier. I just smiled along at the time.

You know what? They were right. I'm approximately 4 stone lighter and although have fine lines and post-kids body, I would say overall I look better than my early 20s. It's worth it just to not feel myself wobble when I walk fast!

AliceMcK · 26/03/2023 08:40

I had a colleague once stick up for me against my ExH, we all worked together and he made a dig about my weight, my colleague turned on him and said at least Alice can do something about her weight, you can’t do anything about your face OR your personality. He shut up and stormed off. I can’t remember her name but I’ve never forgotten it and used it a few times since with other people.

Ameadowwalk · 26/03/2023 08:46

I voted YABU by mistake - basically you are being unreasonable for thinking this means you cannot attend anything again - sorry. I realise I should have voted YANBU for being upset.